This is the diary & short stories of Shalee Lianne Cerra, in the fictitious universe, New Eden, in the game of Eve Online. Come be a part of her world...

Thursday, February 17, 2011


My blog is officially an EVE fan site. How awesome is that? Thanks to Kuan Yida for recommending that I submit it.

Blogs you should read:

Miner Inconveniences
This blog belongs to Raphael, a member of KOTMC and an ex fiance of Shalee.

Captain Raine

This blog belongs to Charles Raine, a member of KOTMC and the ex husband of Shalee. (arranged marriage, they since had it annulled). Charles is new to EVE and wants followers so go follow/read her blog!!

And, this link will take you to something I'll be posting on from time to time. It is Red's logs.

Also, I'll be opening my OOC blog up in the next day or two. Check the side bar of this blog for it.

Thanks everyone for reading! ♥

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Entry 129: Saying Goodbye

Mercy's Keep Security Files
Location: Exterior
Date: 2.14.113
Time: 7:02

He had asked her for a private word, and the pair had stepped outside the Keep. Around them tiny snow flakes fell upon the slight breeze, twirling around them. It was dark out save for the firelight flickering in the the braziers that lined the path. She pulled on her gloves as she turned her gaze to him, "Is everything alright, Pred?"

Predator Elite paused and rubbed his hands together as if to ward off the cold, "Nothing ever is," he said as he looked to her.

"What's the matter? Tell me?" she asked.

"I...just wanted to let you know that I have dropped roles, and will be gone from militia in less than twenty four hours," he said quietly.

She quickly looked away, starring ahead at the landing pad in the distance. She had heard the rumors but hadn't believed them because she hadn't heard it from him. Apparently the time had come. A chill of unease settled upon her and for the moment she thought she'd be sick. "I see....who are you taking with you?"

"No one...why? Do you want to come?" he said hopefully, searching her face.

"You know I cannot leave..." she said heavily.

"Then why did you ask?" He frowned ever so slightly.

"I was just wondering if you were taking anyone with you."

"No... I feel that I have to move on," he confessed.

She nodded, "We do what me must do. If you have to go...then go."

"Alright. So... no hard feelings?" he asked hopefully.

Shalee shrugged, saying nothing.

"If something is wrong, tell me."

"Why?" She started to walk away, kicking her way through the snow.

"Because I care," he admitted.

"About what? What do you care about, really?" she asked, feeling as if her heart was shattering into a thousand tiny pieces.

"I care about living my life."

"Fine. Go live your life," she said in a chilly tone.

"What do you think I'm trying to do? Hell I can't even stay in one spot more than six months," he said with a hint of frustration.

"You've been in militia for longer than that..." she said as she turned around, standing a few feet away from him.

"Because I liked the people here and what we did ... but no more." he conceded.

She tensed ever so slightly. "Yeah. Okay."

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

"Nothing at all. You've already said everything you needed to, right," she retorted.

"I'm not trying to say anything I'm just trying to make sure everyone is okay with me leaving."

"You know I am not but what can I do? What can I say? You're going to leave anyhow." she declared.

"Why aren't you alright with me leaving?" he asked, searching her eyes, as if waiting for her to say something important, something meaningful.

"Because I don't want you to go. We need you. I need you," she insisted.

He closed the space between them, "You don't need me. You are fine and strong without me," he said tentatively.

"But I'm not," she argued.

"I dont define you, I dont make you stronger or weaker," he tried to reason with her.

"But you do. You know you do," she continued to argue.

He put his hands on her arms, staring intently at her. "You have to look at what you have been through, those choices make you stronger or weaker. If you feel that I make you stronger you are just making your self weaker."

"But you make the militia stronger."

He chuckled, "Did you not see what happened tonight?"

"I see that you tried desperately to save Arzad."

He stared at her.

"I see that you risked, and lost one of your most expensive ships for the cause. I see that pilots followed you into a losing battle because they believe in you," she argued passionately as if willing him to understand.

"You are sweet to say that but I know myself that it was wrong and I'm paying for it now, might be better just to ride this one out."

She sighed. "And so just like that you leave. I hope it makes you happy."

"I have made too many mistakes and certain people aren't letting that go. By me staying here and in this militia, it wont help. It will only make matters worse, Shalee." He smiled softly, "I'm just trying to make things right."

"Do you honestly believe that? Because I don't. And I know there are many, many who do not believe that either."

He shrugged.

"Do you think you'll be happier?"

"I don't think I could be happier then when I'm talking to you," he whispered.

She leaned her head against his chest, "I'll miss you."

He pulled his arms around her, "I'll be missing you too." He held for a long while before letting her go, saying nothing as he walked off towards the landing pad.

"You could have stopped him."

Shalee turned around quickly at the sound of the soft spoken voice. A child's voice?

"You could have made him stay, you should have! He wanted you to say you loved him. He wanted you to make him stay, to give him a reason to stay."

"Who's there?" she called out in the darkness as her head throbbed. She rubbed her temples, feeling emotionally drained and physically sick.

"You know who I am," the child said as she appeared before Shalee out of no where, wearing a long red velvet gown, her hair a mass of curls. "You know everything you just don't want to think about it. And you know that you should stop him! Don't let him leave!"

"I can't stop him...he's going to do what he wants to."

"He wants you."


"He loves you, you know he does. But he doesn't love the Empire like you do, he doesn't fight for it like you do...but he could. If you asked him to. You could make him believe in it like you did Eran! All you have to do is try!"

"I can't do that! I can't make someone believe in something they don't!"

"But you made Eran!"

"Stop..." She blinked several times as everything went blurry. The snowflakes bled into long strings of white light. Her nose started to drip blood. She wiped her gloved hand across her face as she stumbled, falling to the ground.

The child's voice faded as everything went dark.


Mercy's Keep Security Files
Location: Medical Bay
Date: 2.14.113
Time: 10:03

"Commodore Lianne?"

"Yes?" she blinked several times as her vision adjusted to the harsh white artifical light inside the med bay. "Jonathan?"

He nodded, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay...I think. I just..." Her brows scrunched up as she looked at him, remembering. "I fell?"

He nodded again. "I was called in a few hours ago. You've been asleep. I think you'll be fine, we just need to do a few adjustments with your implants."

"I saw her. Again."

"The little girl? The one from Eytjangard?" he asked.

She nodded, "Am I losing my mind?"

He sat down on the edge of the bed, "No. It's just the way you deal with problems. The mind is a remarkable thing you know. People often work out problems in their dreams, it's a natural thing to do."

"But most people don't turn themselves into child like holograms while they sleep and visit other people."

"True enough. I've never heard of such a thing happening, but it is fascinating all the same. To stop yourself from having nightmares, your mind has worked out a way to let you 'stay awake' in a sense. It keeps busy, engaged, so that deep dreaming never occurs."

"Why don't I ever remember doing these things?" she asked in a tired voice.

"You're not ready to remember. 'Red' typically ends up seeking out people that you're upset with. She tries to fix your problems, so to speak. She is ahead of the game in that way. You on the other hand, are not ready to make ammends or accept certain truths."

"Do you see her often?" Shalee asked, feeling strange to be talking about herself as if she were another person.

He nodded, "Quite."

"Is there any way I can control it?" she questioned.

"I haven't the foggiest idea, to be honest. Since I've been tracking her I-"

She interrupted him mid sentence, "How do you track her?"

"I follow your digital footprint so to speak. Sometimes she ends up in virtual world, but most often she uses the holodrones. I've kept a log of which she accesses."


"Like I said, it's quite fascinating. The people she interacts with, they all seem to know it's you- or some younger part of you, but seem reluctant to talk about it with you. Until Eran told you, I think it was probably one of the most well kept secrets in the Empire."

"I wonder why people wanted to keep it from me..."

"I would gather it's because ..." he paused thoughtfully, "because they wouldn't want you to 'fix' it. Talking with 'Red' is an easier way to connect with you, to find out what is going on, what upsets find out your secrets. She has quite a little mouth on her, you know."

"Is there anything I can do to stop it from happening?"

"Nothing that I know of. The implants allow you the technology to access virtual world and unless you're willing to give up your life as a'll have to live with this 'side affect'."

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Entry 128: Imperial Traitors

"Oh god, I was just going to teach him a lesson....not fucking murder him!" Shalee screamed hysterically as she looked to the blood splattered across the dungeon cell wall.

In the center of the room hung the limp corpse of Adde Helecton, former Amarrian Militia pilot who had turned traitor over the past few months.

He had shown up at the Keep earlier, speaking of wanting redemption, saying that he was sorry. She didn't believe him, thinking he was there to make a mockery of the Knighthood and her beloved militia.

It was the last straw.

In an act that showed little mercy, she had the guards arrest him and drag him down to the dungeons below the Keep, a place seldom used, if ever. Eran followed her, ready to help. A few other Knights followed as well, some protesting, others urging her on.

She had Adde chained by the wrists, arms suspended above his head and asked him if he would consent to lashes. She told him he needed to suffer, needed to feel pain, to carry the marks of what he had done physically.

He had agreed.

Minutes later, Invelious had entered into the cell. She and Eran got into an argument with him over Adde's capture and before she could order his removal, he pulled a gun to Adde's temple and pulled the trigger.

"It's not murder," he said as he calmly put away the weapon. You can't really murder one of us now can you?" He pointed to Aldrith. "It was also protection, for us. The political spin on this would be immense. At least this way Adde wont remember shit."

Aldrith Shutaq agreed, "Yeah, how do you think it would have looked if he went crying to the IGS with a bunch of lash marks screaming,'The Knights did it!'"

"He asked for it," she said quietly.

"Exactly," Invelious countered.

"Ever stop to wonder why?" Aldrith said.

"To repent."

"No. To entrap. The only redemption is on the battlefield." Invelious said. "Eran is proof of that."

"Yep. He'd have to fight for us again." Aldrith agreed.

Shalee pulled her cloak off and laid it on the floor. "Whatever. Just help me get him to the incinerator." As gently as possible, she undid the handcuffs, guiding the body as it fell.

"How did you get the gun by security?" Aldrith asked as he leaned a bit to look at the splatter mark on the wall, looking slightly impressed.

Invelious watched him, "Years of service with the Ministy of Interal Order will teach you a thing or two about weapons concealment."

"Noted. Don't do that again though, nearly wet myself. And I was going to stop it myself, by the way." Aldrith said.

"I wont, and I promise," Invelious said.

She wrapped him up as best she could then grabbed his feet, leaving Invel to carry the head...or what was left of it. They moved down the corridor towards the end and tossed him into the flames.

"Sillyness... Shalee and Eran have so much pent up anger is ridiculous. Acting like anmials... really," Aldrith muttered as he watched Invelious and Shalee dragging the body away.

After they disposed of the body, Invelious left, leaving Shalee to clean the cell. She hosed it down with icy cold water, watching the water turn red from blood. Bits of brains hung up on the drain, clogging it. She shoved them down with the toe of her boot.

"I'm really getting way too used to this..." Aldrith said as he watched her from the cell's entrance. He gave her a judgmental glance, then sighed. "Hope you're proud of yourself. I honestly think you just wanted to whip someone. But hey... I've been there."

"He asked for it. I wouldn't have killed him, but he needed to be taught a lesson. We are far too easy on traitors." She towelled off her freezing cold hands.

"Doesn't matter. Torture is torture," he countered.

"Yes and murder is murder and betraying is betraying." she said with annoyance as she tossed the towel to the side, her ice blue gaze scanning across the holding cell critically.

Aldrith said, "A traitor can only teach himself. Especially a capsuleer one. What did you expect was going to happen? You make his back bleed and he suddenly understands everything he's done wrong? If only it worked like that..."

"No but he would feel the pain. He would carry with him the memory of what he'd done. But whatever, it doesn't matter now."

"He'd probably have just stuck another knife in our backs and called us all cruel, evil bastards. Have you ever been tortured, Shalee?"

She flicked her gaze to him, her expression cold, saying nothing.

Aldrith smiled a little at Shalee's look. "If you have, you'll know what you mean when I say it's very hard to forgive one's tormentor, no matter who they are or if you have consented or not. The very fact that person is even capable of torture makes them irredeemably evil in the sufferer's eyes. Like Vincent. Like Reimei. And like Verone."

"You're not one to preach to me. You are capable of much evil too," she said with a hint of defiance.

He laughed, "So is everyone else, you know. Point is not to fall to it. I've been trying. We all should be trying. Since the whole Amaterasu ordeal I think I've been doing a fairly decent job. I've only bopped Verone in the head once and I accidentally got Vincent shot."

Shalee threw her hands up in the air and sighed, "Why didn't you kill him? When he came here you should have killed him...I wanted you to," she said in a hushed whisper.

He gave her a droll look. "But I didn't want to."

She frowned deeply. "You should have."

"Even the devil has his purpose. Verone needs to be resisted in spirit, and that's what I tried to do that night. Damn... I nearly shook that evil shit's hand. Ew."

Shalee sighed again, seemingly having lost the mood to talk about him. "I don't care."

He glanced at the bullet hole in the wall. "This world really is confusing sometimes. Who to punish.... who to forgive... who to hate... who to love..."

She nodded, "Yeah. Everything is confusing."

"It all seems rather stupid in the end though, knowing we could have peaceful lives if we just gave up on this pod idiocy and disappeared to some nice planet with a warm sun and lots of trees..." He smirked. "You know Mitara is getting us a bloody mansion on Oris to 'retire' to."

"You're retiring?"

"No not yet. I sure as hell want to sometimes though. And once it's all too much, I'm sure I will. This is not a happy life, Shalee. I don't think God ever meant for humans to have as much power as we do."

"Of course he didn't," she agreed.

"All this power and none of the responsibility... it creates devils like Verone out of people such as us."

"We have too much power and theres no repercussion for evil." She looked at him intently, "That's why I think we should take matters into our own hands..."

"Shalee, the idea you had to punish evil here, tonight, in these holding cells would have required you to become evil yourself. People are not redeemed through suffering unless they bring it on themselves. Hence why I wanted that Adde child to do it himself."

"It was to teach him a lesson."

"He would have taught himself the lesson if he was really repentant. I've done it, actually...back in the Ordo I did some... questionable things. I used that flail almost every week..."

She shrugged, "I've done it too."

"Then you understand."

"If you say."

"What then, you whipped yourself for fun then? Or were you just going through the motions or something?"

"Of course I meant it, Aldrith."

"Well there you are. So, I have another question. When you were about to whip that traitor... are you sure you didn't want to whip yourself?"

"Of course I didn't."

"Are you certain? You are not burdened by any guilt at all? Or anger?" he asked.

She shook her head, "No I don't feel any guilt." Glancing towards the incinerator, she whispered, "Anger, maybe."

He nodded slowly, "Yes, and you have good right to... but that is not something you should bring with you when you bestow a punishment, otherwise it just becomes simple vengeance."

"Are you finished with your lecture?" she asked impatiently.

He grinned at her impatience, "I need to get podded soon; all of my hairs are turning grey because of you..." he muttered as he ushered her towards the exit, locking up the dungeon behind him.

Mercy's Keep Security Files
Location: Dungeon, Cell 1
Date: 1.19.112