This is the diary & short stories of Shalee Lianne Cerra, in the fictitious universe, New Eden, in the game of Eve Online. Come be a part of her world...

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Entry Twelve: Intrigues

The stars above will not weep for us parting, the air we breathe won't notice our disappearance. - The Scriptures, Kuria 4:23

Activate Log

The Gallente have started a propaganda campaign against the Amarr. Yesterday they invaded Amarrian space, jettisoning cans with horrible slogans, leaving behind a trail of quafe, vitoc, and even exotic dancers.

Omnicide and Zenton were able to take these heretics down rather quickly.

Zenton, Soras Ves, and I retaliated, filling our cargo with Pax Amarras. We flew out into the heart of Gallente space, all the way to Dodixie, jettisoning our Pax Amarras, warning them of God's wrath.

Returning to Amarr space, I spent a few hours at Paradise. I caught up with Zenton and Omnicide, had a drink with them then spent some time with Garst. Somewhere along the way Zenton slipped out of the club without even saying goodbye. I'm a little bit annoyed by that though I don't know if I should be. I'm not really good with relationships. I don't know what the rules are, if there are any. We haven't really talked about it.

Some time later Pezzle came in and invited Garst and I over to a booth. We chatted with him for a while, then I spoke with Aldrith on my way out. He apologized for that night, as did I. So, we are good.

I saw Leopold as well, though I'm unsure if he remembered me or not. Commander Laerise was coming in on my way out, I think she got stuck with Pezzle.

The other night over the Praetorian comms, Aefee and Mitara got into some kind of arguement over a man named Kazzi. Apparently he used to be a Praetorian and was really close to Aefee, either as a mentor or a lover, I don't really know. Maybe both. Anyhow, he ended up leaving PIE for whatever reason and is a pirate or merc now. Whatever he is, it ain't good. Aefee completely lost it, defending him passionately to the point disregarding direct orders from a superior. I've never heard someone be so disrespectful. I've pushed the limit from time to time but theres a certain line you just don't cross. Aefee summersaulted across that line and never looked back. Garst got into the discussion, as did I and a new ensign, Yobbleh. Naturally we got told to shut the frack up.

Since then, I've rarely seen Aefee around, which is suprising. Not that I have flown with her but I know others who have. With her penchant for bad boys, I wonder if she has found her way to Koronakesh. He did tell me the other night she had went to the Skyhook to dance with him and that they had a good time.

Anyhow, last night just as I came on duty, this Kazzi fellow shows up at the Praetorian's public hall, pulling a gun on some random capsuleer, demanding isk and a shuttle.

He seemed out of it, strung out. Really, what was he thinking anyhow? Who is going to fork over isk for the life of a capsuleer. Worse case scenario, the capsuleer wakes up in a new body. That was the general opinion of everyone else present. No one paid the ransom and Kazzi disappeared.

Strange how Aefee seems to be connected to two notorious ex-Praetorians. I wonder if that is by happenstance or if she is possibly involved in some kind of sabotage. Can't hurt to ask around discreetly...

Terminate Log.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Entry Eleven: Revelations

And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.-Book of Revelation

Activate Log.

Theres so much thats happened over the last three days I don't even know where to begin.

I saw Aldrith at Paradise, he seemed to have forgiven me for what was said. It was a slow night then, I had a few glasses of wine in the company of Mitara and Zenton, listened to Aldrith's recite some poetry.

I had taken the opportunity to write off a few letters so I wasn't paying too much attention to the conversation. Mitara had started rambling about God. I did my best to ignore it, even when she directed her questions towards me. That is the last thing I need right now, for the Brass to be interrogating me about what I believe.

It's not like I've always been this way. I once believed. I once was a true Amarrian, God fearing..I believed in the angels, the scriptures, that we were his chosen.

And then...when I was twelve, it all changed.

Zenton knows..

He found me at Paradise the other night and I asked him to go to Inis with me, that I needed to talk with him. Once there, we walked out to the water, like usual.

Her brows draw together, her expression distressed. Her vision blurs as tears start to pool. She exhales a soft breath.

Garst had given me a sidearm one night to defend myself, I still had it on my ship. I put it into Zenton's hand, made him hold it against me. He didn't understand, he just looked at me like I had lost my mind, looked at me with such love and desperation. I made him promise not to let go until I had finished, until I had told him everything. He reluctantly agreed.

She inhales a long breath and exhales slowly, trying to relax, trying to find the strength to finish the recording.

And so I did it. I told him everything. I just started talking, trying to make him understand why.

She darts her tongue out and licks away a tear that had fell against the corner of her mouth.

I was twelve.


I watched his face, trying to imagine what he was thinking, what he felt. Disgust? Sympathy? Compassion? A myriad of things, no doubt. He said I wasn't to blame, he said it wasn't my fault.
She shakes her head as if still arguing with him about it.

And then....and then I told him about V.

In that moment, I braced myself, waiting for it all to end. I just wanted to be done with it, I was so weary of it all, so tired of the deception.


"It wasn't all a lie. What I felt for you was real."

He took a step back and he raised the gun. I told him to do it, to get it over with. I wanted him to be the one to do it. Better him, he who had loved me and had taken such care of me, better him than someone from the Inquisition. I shut my eyes and waited, tensed, ready.

"You know by every right I should execute you..."

"You have every right to kill me...just get it over with."

I prayed to a God who didn't exist and asked for forgiveness.

He grabbed me by the chin, forced me to look at him as he threw the gun into the lake.

He forgave me.

Terminate Log.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Entry Ten

Blasphemy and heresy ruled the land. The Lord punished the sinners...-The Scriptures, Book II

Activate Log.

I had every intention of never seeing him again. I had resigned myself to the fact that he is a pirate, an enemy of PIE, a 'scoundrel and a liar', and thought I was done with him.

I had put him from my mind and hadn't given him another thought...until he commed me last night.

I shouldn't have accepted the transmission, I should have killed the connection...but no. I just couldn't help myself. There was something different about him this time. He told me that Melicia had left him on the advice of Laerise.

I was dumbfounded, to say the least. Apparently Laerise is more of a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do kind of girl. God forbid I speak to Koronakesh but she has free reign to get involved in their drama. Molok that.

Anyhow. I tried my best not to let him draw me in. I think he picked up on it. He said "You don't like me, do you?" I told him "I don't like what you've become." There was a bit of back and forth. I explained to him that I thought he was a murderer. He told me I was a 'naive child' and that I'm no better than him, that I shouldn't fool myself into thinking that I'm 'killing people for good reasons'. He killed the comm-link right after telling me that I'm just like 'them'. I'm assuming he means the Praetorians. Ironic that he sees me as one of them, but they do not.

When Kor commed me I was half way out to meeting up with Tyrell. Ty was complaining over the comms about the ridiculous price of an item he needed, though if he bought it at Amarr he would save about 15 million. Since I was one jump out of Amarr, I offered to take it out to him. It was a bit of a hassle actually finding the item on the contracts page, but once I got that sorted I flew out to meet up with him. Eight jumps later he tells me that he doesn't need my help. I wasn't really bothered by it but he insisted on paying for my time. I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted. I told him no again and then my contracts started flashing. He bought me an Omen.

Of course I kept it, I'm pretty keen on getting out of the punisher. It's not that I mind flying it so much, but the other pilots really don't understand because they can fly so many other ships already, they have choices. I do not. I am limited by my skills which seem to inject at a ridiciously low pace.

So I've decided tonight will be the night I tell Zenton everything. I can't keep this up much longer. When I am with him, it's so easy to forget about the past, forget about the things I've seen...the things I've done. When I am with him I am someone else, I am the person he wants me to be...but it's not fair to him. He says he will love me no matter what....

Naive child.

Terminate Log.

Entry Nine

Those who turn away from the light and walk in darkness shall be struck down by His wrath, for we are retribution incarnate, his Angels of Vengeance.- Scriptures, Book of Reclaiming 4:45

Activate Log.

Bad news. Sometimes you know it's coming and sometimes it hits you like a pack of Minmatars sitting cloaked on a gate you just jumped through while on autopilot.

I had assumed the incident involving Aldrith at Paradise was over and done with. Wrong.

Last night right before my sleep cycle Commanders Laerise and Mitara asked for a 'word' in private. As if I have the option of saying no. Reluctantly I opened up the comm channel, steeled for the asschewing I knew I was about to get.

It went quickly enough though. If I have learned nothing else, I have realized the importance of sucking up all opinions and telling them what they want to hear to get it over with. Mitara lectured me on my conduct, telling me that however right I may be, I have no business defending someone like Koronakesh in public, that it reflects poorly on myself and the Praetoria.

What wasn't said but clearly implied 'sever all contact with the pirate before you find yourself chucked out of PIE'.

Roger that.

I admit I have had some kind of fascination with Kor but I will no longer let it interfer with my position inside of the Praetoria. At first I thought that perhaps I could somehow help him but I now realize he is where he wants to be. He has made his choices. Even if he couldn't stay in PIE, he didn't have to resort to murder. Stealing is one thing, but murdering of the innocent is something all together different. He's a lost cause and I have to give up on him before he brings me down with him.

Everything else seems to be somewhat okay. Zenton and I skipped the war front for a little mining in Etav, much to the disapproval of Commander Newell.

Terminate Log.

Entry Eight

This place, this planet of peace and abundance, he made for us. It's ours for the taking.- The Scriptures, Second Letter of St. Junip of Aerui

Activate Log

I think I am in trouble. I just seem to somehow find myself in the wrong place at the wrong time. Last night after a fleet op I stopped off at Paradise for a drink. Laerise, Zenton, and a few others were there. No sooner than I had sat down, Aldrith came in. From appearances, he was in a horrible mood. I questioned him, and he started talking about what had happened with Lord Maximullis and the vitoc bomb he sat off in the Halls of the Ordo Quaesitoris. The conversation naturally segued into deplorable pilots and of course, of course, Koronkresh would happen to come up.

At the mere mention of Kor, Aldrith started ranting and raving about how Kor had turned his sister into a whore.

That is where I lost it. I know I shouldn't have opened my mouth, especially with Commander Laerise sitting right there, but...well. I just felt like he went too far. Koronkresh may be many things but to put the blame on him for that, well, it just seemed unreasonable. It takes two people to have a relationship, and to blame one person for the actions of another seemed unfair to me.

Laerise jumped my ass telling me I need to rethink things and until then I needed to be quiet.

It took every ounce of self control I had to snap my mouth shut and keep it that way. I understand why Laerise did it, but at the time...not so much. I had to leave before I said something I really regretted. By that point I was more angry with Laerise than Aldrith. I apologized to him on the way out and we made plans to meet later at the Basilica.

I had been to the Basilica earlier during the day, in between fleet ops. I had talked briefly with Dame and some others, one in particular that I would probably be in more trouble had it been known that I sought him out. His name is Vlad, I had first seen him at the Last Gate. I found it suprising that a pirate was at the Basilica in the first place, however, since he was there I took advantage of the situation by asking him about Clubs and Diamonds. Unfortunately he didn't know anything, though if he did I'm sure he wouldn't tell me. Didn't hurt to ask, I thought.

The fleet ops were with the militia, first I flew under Frosteele and then under Invelious. Both seemed capable enough, though I lost a ship with Frost. We were heavily outnumbered and I went down pretty quickly....however, I think it was probably my fault for firing at the wrong target...ahem. My overview was a blur of red, orders were to engage the rifter 30 km off the gate and I did precisely that...however, there were many rifters and one just happened not to be a war target, but was still marked red to me for whatever reason.

The op with Invelious went a bit more smoothly. TES Sunday survived, I consider that a win.

Tonight I think I will avoid the war front. Wars are expensive though I really have no worry for a while about fiances. I've been fortunate enough to receive ships, modules, and ISK from fellow PIE pilots. Two days ago I've received a rather large deposit into my account from a mysterious benefactor. I almost want to think it was a mistake of some sort since I do not recognize the name, however I've heard it is not uncommon for war pilots to receive bonuses from those who wish to support the Amarrian capsuleers anonymously.

Anyhow, tonight I hope to meet up with Zenton at Inis. Somehow the planet has become 'ours' as strange as it sounds. We found it a while ago when we were outrunning some war targets. We ended up staying the night trying to evade them, and ever since we go there whenever I need a break from the war. It is peaceful... serene. There is a lake we sit by and talk, for hours sometimes. The other night I had an impulsive idea of building a house there, out in the middle of no where. At the time it didn't seem all that bizarre but now thinking about it...I don't know. He and I are so new to each other and I'm convinced that somehow once he knows everything he will hate me. He says he wont, but he speaks out of ignorance. It is easy to say such things without knowing everything.

I don't know, I guess time will tell once I quit being such a coward and just tell him...

Terminate Log.

Entry Seven

To know the true path, but yet, to never follow it. That is possibly the gravest sin.-The Scriptures, Book of Missions 13:21

Activate Log.

When I had returned from a week long journey, I first went to Paradise hoping to catch up with Zenton, thinking I'd suprise him. He wasn't there so I decided to wait around a while to see if he'd show up. He did not, but I did end up meeting someone else. His name was Prezzle, or something to that affect. He invited me for a drink, which was fine, until he invited me for a private discussion on his ship. I of course told him no, that anything he had to say to me he could say in the bar. I probably should have left at that point but I was tired from a long flight and was rather enjoying the free wine from his private collection. I think perhaps he was trying to get me drunk, but I am not so naive as that. We had a very long talk and eventually I left, alone.

After I had woken up the next day, I had received a message from Koronakesh. He asked me why I hadn't taken him up on his invitation for a drink at the Skyhook yet. I told him I didn't know the he told me. And there I was half an hour later, walking pretty as you please into an establishement owned by the Angel Cartel on the arm of a pirate.

Oh if Laerise had of seen me then...

I tried to console myself with the fact that I was there, off duty, with the intentions of trying to bring Kor back to PIE. I think sometimes it is okay to do a wrong thing for the right reason.

He lead me to a secluded little booth with a view of the bar. As I sat, I looked out across the club and felt a moment of panic. I realized that I was sitting beside a pirate, an actual murderer of the innocent. Before it had been speculation, it wasn't confirmed that he really was a pirate. Until then, I was merely trying to put the pieces together, hoping that the final puzzle would not reveal the depths into which he had fallen.

But there it was, the truth in all of it's horrible glory. Koronakesh was one of them. I looked out again and saw their curious gazes upon me. Wicked vile creatures of the underworld, those who feast off of the misfortunes of others. They were drinking, laughing, flirting, unbothered by their crimes against humanity, their sins against God.

But what should I care about God for, I don't even believe in him.

I looked at Koronakesh and tried to relax. He wasn't so far gone, I thought, only having just returned to this world, this new life that I cannot understand. If I could reach him somehow, persuade him to turn his back on these people and return to PIE...if only.

As he ordered for us, I admitted that I should not be there. He laughed and told me that it never stopped me before. Before I could say anything to that, he told me that I should relax, that I wasn't the only Praetorian to visit the club..

Obviously that piqued my curosity. After much back and forth, he finally admitted that he had brought Aefee there as well, that they had danced and drank and 'had a good time'. Whatever that means. He of course wouldn't go into details.

We spoke of other things, I asked him about his new life. He told me little, naturally. After some man came over to the table to get a good look at a 'Ni Kunni', Kor warned me against walking around the corridors of the Sky Hook alone, to which I told him I was old enough to take care of myself. He told me he was only being protective.

Before I could question him further, another patron came over to the table, her name was Morwen Lagann. She seemed a bit out of it, drugs I think. Kor really didn't give me a chance to find out. He made it all too obvious that I should 'get back before the Praetorians miss me'. And so I did.

I left feeling a bit disheartened. Perhaps Kor is right, perhaps I am too naive for my own good. I just can't help but feel like he was reaching out to me, even if on some subconscious level. But if that isn't the case, if he sincerely believes he is supposed to be with those nefarious people...then why does he continue to pursue a friendship with me knowing that it is forbidden? To what avail? Could Garst be right? Could Koronakesh really be some dark angel trying to lure me away from all that is good and righteous? It's hard to think that I could have misjudged him so.

After I left the SkyHook I set my destination for the Utopian Dream, needing the distraction of friends and drink without the worry of the brass watching over my shoulder. I found Spacey sitting out by the lake. We had a long talk about the responsibilities of a capsuleer. He talked of his time in the military and the reasons why he left. We spoke some about love, relationships, and life in general. We went up to the bar for drinks and we happened to meet a freed slave who once belonged to Zenton's family.

I eventually took my leave and left for Inis, sending Zenton a request to meet me there. Along the way I stopped by Sarum Prime to pick up some things, and was contacted by Victoria Anne, someone who works for Astrum Latito. She offered to sell me modules for cost. Can't complain with that, especially considering how quickly I seem to go through them..

Finally, finally, I met up with Zenton. I explained everything, where I had been, the things I had done and why it had taken so long. He seemed to understand. I then told him of everything else, of going to the SkyHook and speaking with Kor. He told me he was contacted by Melicia the other day, that she wanted him to intervene and speak to Kor about what he was doing. I find that rather intriguing, this woman whom he supposedly loves, a woman who is married to another woman yet gives herself so freely to him cannot bare the thought of him being a pirate. Can she not see that maybe she was one of the factors that drove him to it? Why wont she get a divorce and be with him? So many unanswered questions....

Terminate Log.

Entry Six

Activate Log.

Apparently Commander Laerise has a problem with Zenton and I, though she can't do anything about it. Yesterday she had an unofficial talk with him. I personally don't think it is any of her business. I followed protocol, asking what the PIE rules were on dating before getting involved with anyone. Not my problem if there aren't any rules on it. Whose fault is that then? And really what can she say about anything, I heard she married a Gallente, aren't they little more than whores?

But still, I'm not going to obsess over it. I just don't want to become the next target now that Kor is gone. They were all over his relationship with Melicia and now that he is out, I feel like I'm next. I don't think it helps matters that I still consider Kor a friend.

Last night was fairly low key. A few of us went out to see the capsuleers grave yard on the recommendation of Commander Newelle. It wasn't very far from Amarr, three jumps out or so. Honestly I was expecting more, we got there and found two cans or so. Mitara had told us previously that capsuleers often go there to jettison enemy corpses. We stayed out there for a while, just relaxing away from the warfront. I had picked up a secure can from Amarr and taken it with me with the intention of leaving it out there for when I get my first pod kill. As soon as I jettisoned it, Zenton and Omni started attacking me, my ship was spinning around as I tried to lock on one of them, Mitara took the opportunity to steal my can!

The nerve! Villainous thieves, the lot of them.

But really it was fun and I was glad to have the chance to see Mitara off duty. She isn't as hardassed as Laerise, apparently. I like her very much. I also admire her skills and I think I'll try to follow in her footsteps some. I'm pretty keen on flying stealthy ships at some point.

After everyone left, I flew back out with my second can (the first having met a firey death from Zenton and I). I dropped it off and headed over to the Basilica. I spoke a little with Dame, she was in her usual spot, praying before Jamyl. She seemed worried so I questioned her about it, she told me that she was a little nervous over leading a fleet today in Lantorn. However she did seem rather proud of the fact that her CEO trusts her to do it.

I heard this morning that the militia had taken Lantorn, so she must have done something right.

Terminate Log.

Entry Five

Activate Log.

The fight for Lantorn continues, a daily struggle to keep the beachhead open into Hemitar. It's an exhausting endeavor, and with two corporations pulling away from the militia, the overall spirit of those left behind has taken a hit. However, there are rumors that Masanganar's boys will be joining the fight soon so that should boost morale a bit.

Personally it doesn't affect me all that much. I rarely fly with the militia, I think I've tried it once and was completely overwhelmed. It was much too chaotic, an impossible situation. Coming into a battle in the middle of it practically guarantees a fail. Orders were pretty much 'warp to X location and die.' Roger that.

Since then I've preferred the smaller groups with Praetorian fleet commanders. I like flying under Condor, Laerise, and Mitara especially. They are very capable and have extreme patience with my lack of experience. And of course I adore flying with Zenton and Omnicide, they have taught me a lot and have my gratitude.

Last night we didn't go out much, mostly because we focused on moving some things down from Amarr to Lantorn. Zenton did most of the work really, he has restocked the corporate hangar for us ensigns. I managed to get TES Thursday moved down without much mishap. We did a quick escort patrol with Laerise, but nothing much came of it, the skies were eerily quiet, much to my dismay.

As usual, we stopped off at Paradise for a nightcap. It was a quiet night there too, had a drink with Zenton and Garst. Garst was in a better mood, thank God. Mitara came in at some point, though she was awfully quiet. We met some girl, Hitome I think her name was. I recalled overhearing her name the other night when Kor and Aldrith were going at it. I mentioned that her name was familiar and began to question her about Kor. She pretty much told me that Kor had threatened her, I asked why and she said he attempted to seduce her and she turned him down. Something to that affect anyhow. It didn't really make much sense to me, I don't feel like Kor is the type to kill someone just because they wont go to bed with him. She seemed a bit silly and dramatic, but I don't really know. I shouldn't be so judgemental over someone I've met once. She told me that there was a rumor that I was sleeping with him, I told her that was absurd, that he and I were just friends and that he had been nothing but kind and respectful to me. She said thats how he starts his seductions. I just laughed it off.

I think it's ridiculous how rumors get started, and based off of absolutely nothing.

Kor did contact me last night, over the comms. He apologized for what happened in Paradise and I told him not to worry about it, that it didn't really involve me. I asked him why he left PIE and he really didn't say. It was a short conversation and I really didn't find anything out.Maybe tonight I'll have better luck. I really want to know why. I can't help but feel it was all my fault somehow. I just don't understand why he is with Ghost Festival now. I asked him last night if he left to be a pirate, he said no. So if that isn't the reason, then what? Maybe it is to be with Melicia. I wonder what that must be like, to give up everything for love.

Speaking of love. Zenton told me he loves me. I told him he couldn't because he doesn't even know me, not truely. He is in love with an idea, of the person he thinks I am, who he wants me to be. He tried to protest.. I knew he would. He is so pure and good, he couldn't even fathom the idea of me being anything but what he thinks I am.

The way he looked at me, I just couldn't take it. I came to into the Praetorian determined to reveal nothing, to just be another pilot, to lose myself in the ranks, just another drone for the warfront. I never meant for this to happen.

He wasn't supposed to love me.

He deserves better. He deserves someone who is like him.

And I told him so, despite what could have happened. I told him the truth..well, some of it. I told him... I don't believe in God. I just can't...I can't be another mindless zealot who uses the authority of a higher power to control others. I wont. I wont be like my Father. I wont...

Terminate Log.

Entry Four

Activate Log.

The order that was issued barring any contact with Kor was mysteriously deleted. I really don't know what happened or why, naturally. God forbid anyone tell a lowly ensign what is going on. I questioned Zenton about it, he said that the Admirals were about yesterday, he figures our Commanders jumped the gun issuing the order, but that is just a guess.

Yesterday I joined Zenton and Omnicide out on the warfront. I feel really comfortable flying with them, they take in account my inexperience and have no problems answering a million and one questions. Our patrol was fairly uneventful, we were able to take control of some plexes without much interference. We called it a night, pleased with what we had accomplished and the fact that none of us lost anything, I chalked it up to my lucky dogtag I had gotten the other day. No sooner than I had docked up at Lantorn, Commander Newelle came over the comm asking for assistance so we all flew out to meet her.

Zenton had to wait by the gate, Omni and I went in to assist. Orders were to engage the enemy. All four of them. I really wasn't comfortable with those odds, but orders are orders. Apparently my lucky dogtag lost it's mojo. Omni and I lost our ships but managed to get our pods out to safety, at least. Ah well, better luck next time.

I called it a night for the second time and went to Paradise to have a drink in honor of TES Wednesday. She was a good ship, for all the two days I had her.

Anyhow. Paradise was a bit interesting. Kor was there having a drink, though I was under the assumption I wasn't allowed to talk to him, he told me to check my logs, that the order had been rescinded. I wanted to question him about everything but no sooner than I started to ask, Aldrith came in yelling. Awkward. Garst came in a few moments later so I went over to have a drink with him instead. We could hear Kor and Aldrith, and Garst really couldn't help himself, he started yelling at Kor as well. That one certainly has a temper. I could actually see the vein popping out against his temple. So then, Mitara comes into the club as well. All three were having a go at him, it was pretty intense. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. Mitara left and Garst wasn't much company so I ended up leaving. I hope I can find Kor later and find out exactly what happened.

After I left I took a shuttle over to the Utopian Dream. It's a pretty interesting place, a ship thats probably more Gallentian in design than any other place I've been. It is a vessel that has a simulated park, a lake, a hotel, and some other stuff. Some of the BK4 pilots hang out there, Zenton and I usually go over every few days to catch up with everyone. I did find Zen there, as well as Spacey. We ended up having a long talk with him, it was kind of nice finding out about his past, and his real name even. Spacey is a fun one, odd but fun. I like him very much.

She gets a faraway look in her eye and falls silent as the camera drone keeps recording. Moments later she seems to snap out of her reverie, glancing at the drone.

I tried to tell Zenton about Brumm...but I couldn't really find the words. To speak about Brumm, I'd have to tell him everything else. I just...I don't want to think about it. I don't want to remember. I did insinuate some things that happened but he didn't force the subject, for which I was grateful.

Maybe someday I'll be able to tell him everything....and maybe he wont hate me for it.

Terminate Log.

Entry Three

Activate Log.

Once, when I first joined the Praetorians (which feels like forever ago instead of a few weeks), Zenton took me down to null sec. It was a long journey, my longest yet. I activated the BK4 channel and met some of the capsuleers who frequent the area.

I was suprised at how very nice everyone was, I think I expected them to be standoffish and greedy, I mean why else would anyone spend their time slaving away down there without Concord protection?

Yet everyone was so laid back and jovial. I really enjoyed the channel, it was nice to not have that feeling that a superior is listening to every word you're saying waiting for you to frack up.

Anyhow, an uneventful trip down, had a good enough time following Zenton around looting the wrecks....and then it all went to hell.


He knew me immediately though I tried to pretend I did not know him.

Out of all the comm channels in all of New Eden, why did I have to join that one?

He kept trying to talk to me and I kept ignoring him as best as I could. I told him he was mistaken, that we had never met....but we both knew differently.

Zenton believed me at least. I hated lying to him, but I couldn't bare the thought of sweet Zenton knowing that I was a Cerra. My Father's legacy has cast a long dark shadow and I still suffer from his betrayal.

Though my superiors had full disclosure when joining PIE, the rest have assumed my last name was Lianne, which is infact my middle. I've let them believe because it is easier than trying to explain that I am not like my Father, that his sins are his own.

And so I lied. I even let Zenton defend my 'good name'. I felt really horrible about it and went silent. Brumm finally gave it up as well. At least that night.

Every night afterwards when I'd activate the channel, he was there, gazing smugly at me, ready to insinuate something or other.

And every night I would try to ignore him, though he made it virtually impossible. He would always find a way to bring the conversation around to the past, to his days of slavery.

When he was my slave...

She sighs softly, pausing for a moment, lost in thought.

I don't want to record anything else about him now. I just don't want to think about it.Anyhow. So there it is. You can never really run from your past, it has a way of finding you.On to other things. I have good news and bad.

The good news, last night I went on an op and actually managed not to lose a ship, in fact I helped take one down. It was such a rush, really, to be on the winning side of combat. Amarr Victor!

I was flying with Zenton and Omnicide. We managed to get quite a bit done I think. For the most part it was just us three until Captain Vaarun came out to help us with one site. It was pretty uneventful after that, we did a lot of scanning, managed to lose some pirates that were chasing us, and collected some enemy dogtags. I have a theory that they bring bad mojo. Everytime I've ever looted one, we get attacked by the Mims afterwards.

Anyhow, the bad news. Sometime after we finished, Commander Newell came over the Praetorian Comms and informed us that we were forbidden to speak to Kor from this point on. No questions asked. I had heard her earlier ask for 'a word' with him, so I can only imagine what happened. No doubt he was questioned extensively. And no doubt it went horribly.

I assume he didn't rat me out about going to the pirate bar to look for him. I saw Commander Newell at the Paradise very briefly as I was grabbing a quick nightcap, and she didn't say anything.

And of course that only makes it even worse. I betrayed his confidence but he did not betray mine. I told on him but he didn't try to bring me down with him.

Since then, I cant help but wonder... why does doing the right thing make me feel this horrible?

Terminate Log.

Entry Two

Activate Log

It was a strange night. I wanted to speak with Kor, to explain that I hadn't set out to betray his confidence, but I had no choice in the matter.

I looked for him at Paradise but he wasn't there, and then I remembered that he had told me of another club that he frequents, one that is a bit...different.

I almost didn't go. It was a bit out of the way, though I suppose for an establishment of it's caliber, that is the point.

Once I got there, I had to go through an extraordinary amount of security checks, a full body scan, weapon check, and an identification process just to get through the door.

Once inside...It took every ounce of courage I possessed to stay. The place was full of outlaws, pirates, and war targets. It was surreal to look some of them in the eye, knowing that I am likely to see them on the warfront. I stood there wondering how many Praetorians have died by their hands, how many innocents had lost their lives.

And then I tried not to think of them at all.

I eventually found Kor. He seemed so in his element, sitting there among such villainy. He told me to sit, and so I did. I told him everything, that Mitara and Laerise know. He didn't seem suprised, in fact he said he knew I would tell.

It was a relief at least.

Then we spoke of other things. He questioned me about Zenton. There was another patron sitting nearby, listening to our conversation. He mentioned that Zenton had lost a lot to Clubs and Diamonds. Obviously that got my attention. He went on to say that he knew their CEO, and that they were quite impressive. I wanted to question the man to see what else he knew, but Kor was ready to leave and told me it would be dangerous to stay alone. I told him to go ahead that I didn't need him to baby me. He left, and I tried to find that man again but apparently he left too.

There was no reason for me to stay any longer so I got out of there.Earlier, before that, I had stopped by the Basilica. Dame was there, and another, I think his name was Caine. He seemed nice enough. I also met a new Praetorian ensign, Hazlit. From what I gather, he is new to PIE but not to combat. Nothing noteworthy happened really, we just chatted. Dame did take offense to something Hazlit said but she got over it quickly enough. I think that proves that she is on the right path. From what I gather she was the shoot first ask questions later kind of girl. So here is to hoping that her reform is sincere.

Terminate Log.

Entry One

Activate log.

I've been a Praetorian less than a month and yet, I can barely remember what it feels like to be anything else. Perhaps it is selective memory, perhaps I just don't wish to remember the past...

She sighs softly.

Within the month, I've experienced much, visited many places and have gotten myself into a bit of a rough spot with my commanders...though no fault of my own.

I hardly think I can be blamed for being born with an inquisitive nature.

It happened like this. I was at Paradise, chatting with G. Tyrell and Arkanas when I saw Korokresh sitting at a table, looking distracted and playing with something. When I approached him about it, he quickly put it away. I questioned him about it, he wouldn't tell me. I insisted and finally he gave in, saying he would show me provided that I followed him home. I really didn't want to leave, I was having a good time with Tyrell, but I just couldn't help myself. I had to know. So I left with him. We arrived at his penthouse some time later, he took me into his living room and showed me an insignia. I didn't recognize it so I questioned him about it and found out it was an insignia from the Angel Cartel. I wasn't even familiar with it really, he explained that it was an organized pirate group, and that the insignia was his.

Oh God.

I left pretty much immediately, not because of that, though perhaps it should have been. Instead, I left because of wounded feelings. Kor said something amiss about Ni Kunni being unattractive. How could I not take offense to that?

Anyhow. Back at the club, Tyrell starts to question me. I guess he thought Kor was going to behave inappropriately towards me. Little did he know that Kor finds me distateful. Ironic, no? So then, Tyrell asks me what did happen. I told him I couldn't tell him. A little back and forth, and then Tyrell pulls rank, demanding I tell him...and so I did. Tyrell told me to stay away from Kor. Easy enough.

The next day or so, I saw Commander Laerise at Paradise and proceeded to ask her about the Angel Cartel. I thought I was being inconspicuous about the whole thing but obviously not. Later on, Commander Newell had a word with me about it, informing me that I was to have no association with any Angel Cartel, that my career in the Prateoria could be affected by it, or worse.

I told her of course, that I wouldn't associate with any of them, because really, I don't know if Kor is one of them or not, or if he just had the insignia. Anyhow, I thought the matter dropped until today when I was pulled aside by several commanders and questioned extensively about it. It was nervewracking. They wanted to know everything, every little detail, word for word, what was said, what I had seen, etc.

I told them what I knew. I had little choice really. Koronakesh shouldn't have told me. I just didn't know what to do, I mean, what else could I do in that situation, with the brass breathing down my neck about it?

And I told Koron that, the next night. I saw him at Paradise and tried to speak to him about it, but he had little to say. He seemed annoyed with me, as if it were somehow my fault for being so inquisitive.

So, that is that. I don't know what will happen now, if they will question or investigate him...or worse. Or perhaps they aren't finished with me, though I certainly hope so.

What makes it all the worse, I have just wanted to impress my superiors but I seem to be failing horribly at that. I've lost an extraordinary amount of ships already and have died several times, though fortunately none today.

However, after the inquisition today, I'd probably prefer getting podded. At least it would have been quicker.

It was really disappointing. I had volunteered to move some ships for Commander Laerise. She first fleeted me, then immediately dropped me and informed me that they needed a word. So, that was that.

Anyhow, I need to stop obsessing over it.

There have been some really good moments to write about as well. Like the trip with Dante Chance to see the City of God. There wasn't much left, just ruins, but it was intriguing. I think it very nice of him to take me there just because I was curious. I also have been inside of a wormhole, it was a long travel just to see it, but well worth it. Kor took me there, it was a planet 1 AU from the sun, with a single moon in a solar system of 9 other planets. Some say it could be Terra, but no one really knows, yet, anyhow. And there was the trip to see the Eve gate. Garst, Zenton, and Garst's friend journeyed there one night. I've also explored Inis with Zenton. There are just so many interesting places I want to see.

As for the war front. I really fear that I'm never going to be a great pilot. God knows I try my best, but it's just overwhelming. The killboards are littered with my loses. It is an embarassment really, for myself and for PIE. Sometimes I think perhaps they would like to use this Korankresh incident to get rid of me though maybe that is just me being paranoid. It's just really hard to figure it all out. The Academy was a joke compared to what really happens out on the frontlines. I often feel out of my element. I try to follow orders, but often times I find myself not understanding the orders in the first place and then suddenly it is too late. I am a ship down or worse, podded. Dying...there's just no words to describe it really. Three times now it has happened. When I first joined the Praetoria, Dante offered to train me personally but I rarely see him. I've flown with him maybe three times. The other times I've been out there, I've just tried to stay out of the way. Not the best way to be really and certainly not a way to make a good impression. Ah well, I plan to keep at it and hopefully gain the skills and confidence to not embarass myself so horribly.

I have yet to meet my CEO, though I've heard good things about him...well, mostly. They say he is a good man though not the coddling kind. Seems rather imposing really. I certainly plan on staying out of his way if I can help it.

Outside of the Paradise, the other place I've spent a fair amount of time at is the Amarrian Basilica. Aldrith had invited Zenton and I there one night. It is a lovely place, very serene. I go there sometimes to pray or meditate. I have met a few people there as well, including Eliza who flies under the call sign Dame Death. Apparently she is a controversial figure, many do not like her at all, including Garst. I find her quite remorseful for what she has done but then again it could all be a ruse. I don't really know her, only what she wants me to see. We have spoken several times, everytime I go there she is there, praying usually. I've tried to befriend her because I know how it feels to be an outsider. Today I told her of some threats I overheard over the intel channel. Some are keen to bring her down, regardless of their commander's orders. I feel like she is going to bring a lot of chaos to the Amarrian militia. So I pray that she is sincere.

She yawns, feeling the overwhelmed with the need to sleep.

There is much more to record, I want to document it all, the places I've seen and the people I've met. Theres just so much I don't want to forget...

Terminate log.