This is the diary & short stories of Shalee Lianne Cerra, in the fictitious universe, New Eden, in the game of Eve Online. Come be a part of her world...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Entry 136: Red Tiger

She froze the holoscreen and stared at it, still wearing a look of disbelief that had plagued her face for the past half hour.

Tigerfish Torpedo, a former Sani Sabik and right hand man of the notorious Revan Nefarious, stood frozen in the holovid she'd just paused.

She studied the lines of his face, the glint of his eyes, the twisted curl of his mouth. A sadistic, eerie grin of pleasure.

His gloved hands were soaked with the blood of his crew members, men he'd just murdered for the sake of forcing someone else's will to his own. They were nothing more than pawns in some macabre game he was forcing Tiberious Thessalonia to play. Submit to his will, else more would die.

She pressed play again and heard him say, "If you don't help her, I'll go back and purge the rest of them. Their blood with be on your hands."

Again, she pressed pause and stared at him, her thoughts racing.

"You're a cold blood murderer...and you enjoy it," she whispered into the darkness.

With trembling hands, she poured a shot of whiskey and lit a cigarette, needing to calm her nerves.

It was one thing to hear rumors of such deeds, it was easy to dismiss them as idle gossip, half truths twisted to reflect a person in the worst possible light.

It was entirely different to have actual proof, to see the blood dripping from their hands, to see the look of pleasure gained from such gruesome acts.

She downed the shot then took a long draw off of her cigarette, placing it in the ashtray before she started to pace the dimly lit room. Behind her, Tiger's holographic form flickered.

An eerie feeling slid down her spine. "Why?" she asked as she turned to face the frozen image of him. "Why?"

"Because he is a bad, bad man," the holographic form of a little red headed girl responded.

Shalee jerked, darting her head as she searched for the girl. "Go away."

Red spoke rapidly, "You know he is bad but he reminds you of Hadrien. You feel guilty for not saving him. You killed him cause he was bad, you didn't even try to save him did you? You didn't try to help him."

"Stop it!" Her vision started to blur as her head pounded, throbbing with pain just behind her eyes.

"You want to help Tiger because you feel guilty! But you can't fix him. You just can't. Evil is evil and you know that. It doesn't go away...." the little girl laughed an eerie little sound, "...does it?" Her tone was accusing.

"Stop." Shalee lifted her hand and curled it in her hair, fingers tight in her long raven strands. "Stop, you're hurting me."

"You're hurting yourself." she said as she blinked into view finally, standing in front of Shalee. "Hurry up and pass out, I have to go tell Aldrith or Eran. I have to make them understand what you're doing!"

"Go to hell," she said as the blood dripped from her nose, staining her lips. She brushed the back of her hand across her mouth and chin, wiping away the blood, "I'm not going to let you do this. I am going to help him, he needs a friend. He needs me."

"You can't stop me," the girl challenged as she waited, watching Shalee's face as her eyes rolled back seconds before she collapsed to the floor. "Told you so."

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Entry 135: A Night In Houla

Two Days Ago:

Dim, artificial lighting of the hangar silhouetted her lithe form as she stretched her arms out parallel to the floor. She wore her pod suit, a thin, nearly translucent covering that molded her body as a second skin.

Jonathan, her chief pod tech, gave the go-ahead for flight after running the obligatory pre-flight medical scans.

Several other pod techies started the process of wiring her up for the on coming night shift. As she synced into the endless flow of militia and intel channels, she checked to see what was reported and who was ready to roll out.

Eran, her usual FC since Predator Elite had abandoned militia to fight in the lawless lands of null sec hadn't made it to Houla yet.

Oh well, she'd make due until Eran's arrival.

As the pod was sealed, she felt her consciousness expanding, awareness amplifying as she floated in the shimmering fluid that entombed her body within the capsule.

A sense of anticipation coursed through her, an eagerness to fly. With Huola hot already, she knew it was going to be a long night of fighting.

Randomly she was invited to a fleet by a stranger, an Amarr militia pilot who was in local and already engaging the enemy.

She decided to give the unknown FC a chance and joined the fleet.

She initiated militia comms and Almity joined her.

"You get that fleet invite?" Shalee asked.

"...yeah. You joined?" Alm asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, why not. I'm ready to head out." She replied as she shipped into a hurricane.

They both frowned when they realized their FC wouldn't even be on comms with them.

"Oh. Well this is going to be interesting."

"And foolish. But what the hell."

As they were preparing to undock, Eran Mintor popped up in local.

"Oh thank God," they both replied in unison over comms.

Eran commandeered the fleet and within minutes they were out on the field.

The remainder of the night was spent fighting long range against the enemy fleet as they assaulted a POS in Houla.

Though they were unable to take down the enemy caps that were on field, they did manage to disrupt the operation and kill a few support ships in the process.

Later, after she'd docked up for the night and dismissed her crew, she stood beneath the showers longer than usual.

Her thoughts raced as she let the hot water spray across her back. Her reverie was broken by a too familiar voice.

"You need to be careful."

She turned suddenly and yanked the towel hanging across the back of the shower stall, wrapping it around her quickly as she said, "What are you doing in here? This is a private area. And I'm naked." Her face flashed with annoyance.

Kathetel smirked, "Calm down." He turned his back to her, giving her privacy. "I came here to warn you about your little friendship with Tiger. It's catching the attention of too many people."

"So what? I'm not allowed to speak to whomever I want now? Is that what you're going to tell me?" she asked as she made her way to the lockers, yanking hers open to grab a clean uniform.

He followed in pursuit. "How are you still so naive? Why are you so gullible?"

"Fuck off. I'm not in the mood." She slammed the locker closed and waited for him to turn his back to her before she started to dress. "Anyhow, we are just friends. I think he is interesting. He has interesting stories. He amuses me. That's it."

"He is a cold blooded killer. He has fought against the Empire for years, plotted against it. He was one of Revan's top associates, but you know that already. So how many people have to warn you before you decide to listen to reason? He is a dangerous man, Shalee."

"I know. But what is the harm of talking on comms with him?" she asked as he turned to face her.

"I wouldn't be here if it were just that. But you're accepting gifts from him. Very expensive gifts. Men don't buy Navy Geddons and Abaddons for girls they want to be 'just friends' with." He curled his fingers, making air quotes. "Plus the flowers? He wants something from you and he's seducing you to get it buy buying you things. He's even told you himself he is dangerous."

"Are you monitoring my mail?" She asked as she trailed her fingers through her damp raven hair.

"Of course."

She sighed her frustration. "Is it not enough that I devote my entire career to the Empire? Am I allowed no privacy in my personal time?"

"Your personal time still belongs to the Empire. Leave him alone Shalee, I'm warning you. I have a really bad feeling that he could be your downfall."

She lifted her chin, her blue eyes blazing, "Don't threaten me, Kathetel. I know my duties."

"Then act like it. Think of others for once. Think about the harm he could bring not only to yourself but the entire Knighthood, hell, even the entire militia if he had the inkling to do so. Don't get involved with him."

"I'm not!" She stomped her foot impatiently.

"Good." He smirked to her as he turned to leave. "Oh and Shalee? Enough with the Minmatar ships already, it's rather vulgar."

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Entry 134: Amarrian Doubts

Kourmonen Star System
Ishukone Station

The camera drone beeped and a tiny series of lights flickered as it began to record. It hovered near the raven haired girl as she sat on a walkway in her personal hangar. Her legs dangled off the side, arms propped up on the lower railing.

She glanced down at the floor below, watching the thousands of crew members as they finished up their shift, readying themselves to vacate the place until further notice.

The atmoshpere was somber, a heaviness hung overhead, a smothering blanket of collective emotion. She darted her tongue out and licked her lips, almost tasting the weariness on the air.

Over twelve thousand crew member losses in a forty eight hour period. Two abaddons, two hurricanes, and one harbinger down in a flame of glory.

"Glory for who?" she scoffed, muttering under her breath.

There was no glory in dying. Sometimes it was too easy to fight against the odds, never considering the countless crew members lives she was risking when she recklessly engaged.

"But I almost made it the second time," she thought. "Almost. Goddamned Zenton Karvash. "

The fleet was suffering heavy losses in the battle on the Houla gate in Kourmonen. Orders were given to disengage and get the fuck off the field if at all possible. Of course she was tackled, it was one of their favorite tactics. Her only hope was to approach the gate and jump through as soon as her aggression wore off.

Every second seemed like an eternity stretched out in front of her. Her body tensed as she waited, nervously counting down the seconds, hoping that she'd make it through.

Red rolled across the display as her shields were penetrated. Armor was breached, chunks of tungsten peeled away, littering the sky around her. Sirens blazed and all she could do was wait, pray, and hope to jump.

Powerless to do anything else, she continued her approach, drifting with no cap, no systems online. Everything was dark save for the HUD lighting up as the structure was ripped into. The abaddon shook with every assault. 90%. A second later, 50%.

Suddenly everything lit up with a swirl of watery blue as the battle ship jumped.

She exhaled a breath of relief.

"So lucky! You almost-" Adde said over comms, "Wait, Zenton is there."

The grid finally loaded and she saw him, not even 12 klicks from her, Zenton Karvash.

Don't do this, I can't fight back. Don't.

It was an impossible situation. She couldn't jump back through, she'd never make it to the gate in time, and even if she did certain death waited on the other side.

Hoping to be spared was pointless. He finished her off in the matter of seconds.

Six thousand dead littered the sky as she warped away.

The fighting raged on, and within hours she lost two more ships.

She hadn't suffered that kind of losses in months.

Later, Bahamut, CEO of the Minmatar Militia corporation, IFW, contracted her a hurricane with a message that there'd be more if she would defect.

Strangely she was charmed by the gesture.

She couldn't help but let her thoughts drift to -what if-. What if she defected? What if she suddenly left Amarr and fought for the other side. How would it feel to join IFW?

She'd flown with them before, a couple of times in joint fleets under Predator's command against pirates. And once or twice she'd joined them on her own to fly in null sec to hunt without anyone ever knowing.

They were an easy bunch and she liked them. Well, all except Zenton. He could die in a fiery explosion for all she cared.

She tried to imagine the look on Laerise's face as she flashed with the TLF star on her overview.

Giggling, she let the fantasy play out. She'd want to kill her in a thrasher, somehow it seemed fitting.

Reality nagged at the edges of her thoughts, forcing her to stop thinking about it. It was no use, she simply couldn't fight against the rest of the Amarr Militia. She tried to imagine killing those she flew with frequently; Eran, Saint, Aldrith, Koltus, Nortel, Vadeim, Avalanche, Almity, Ryven, and Maz3r. It was just impossible.

The camera drone chirped, rousing her out of her reverie. She looked to the floor and noticed the place was empty save for a couple of tech's who were on their way out.

"Open secure file." she commanded as she stood up. The camera drone followed her as she started to walk the catwalk, gazing down at her small fleet of vessels on standby. "Record."

"Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if Eran would have tried to convince me to turn to the Minmatar side when I first met him. He never really tried, it was always me pushing him to come to Amarr."

"Finally he did, and now our militia is all the better for it. I can't even imagine what things would be like without him here. He leads armies, sometimes for the 'glory' of Amarr. And sometimes simply because I ask, because I have this restless need to be out on the field."

"I was so strong in my conviction back then, so sure that I was doing the right thing, fighting for the right side. And it's strange to think that back then, I was hardly worth more than a drone out on the field. I had no skills, no experience, no one really knew me, and yet I had this passion, this unwavering loyalty for Amarr. My conviction alone forced Eran to turn and others to defect."

As she paced, the drone panned out, recording the entire hangar in a panorama view. "And now? Over a year later and I am a viable part of any fleet. I have the experience, the skills, and an insatiable lust for battle. I have gained trust from fellow militia pilots. I can rally a fleet and soon will lead them."

"And yet...the stronger I grow, the more I doubt," she admitted as her blue gaze slanted upwards, lingering on the Amarrian banner that hung from the ceiling.

"Save file. End recording."

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Entry 133: A Father's Fate

She was dreaming.

"Stop. Wait." Shalee called out as she ran, chasing a wisp of a girl with long strands of red hair hanging to her waist.

She followed the child down a long corridor that seemed to stretch on for miles. Each step seemed to put more distance between them.

"You have to run faster!" The child urged as Shalee followed in pursuit.

The little girl turned her head to yell at her, "Hurry!"

Some part of her wanted to protest. "No...don't make me go there."

"Hurry!" she yelled, "You have to remember!"

The corridor morphed into the foyer of her brother's house. An enormous crystal chandelier hung, reflecting shards of light into the smothering darkness.


Someone was crying though it seemed very far away. She glanced around, searching for the source.

Her fingers curled around the staircase railing as she looked into the shadows, "Who's there?"

"Are you going somewhere?" Her Father approached the staircase.

"...I'm leaving this place."

"Where will you go?" He asked as he took a few steps up to meet her.

"Home," she said resolutely.

"This is your home." He replied calmly, smiling to her.

"This place is nothing to me." Her voice was eerily calm despite her trembling, despite the fear he ignited within her. "You are nothing to me."

"I am your Father." He said patiently.

"You are a monster! All my life you have used me as a pawn in whatever game held your interest at the time. I am done with it. I am done with you."

"You should not say such things. Listen to you, disobeying your papa. You've been away too long, you have changed." He stepped closer, "But don't worry, I'll change you back." He stretched his hand out to her face, grazing the back of his fingers across her cheek. "My sweet little girl. So like your Mother."

"You killed her!" she accused.

"She was disobedient," he explained in a soft voice, addressing her as if she were a child. "You have no idea the things she was capable of, Shalee."

"You have no idea what I am capable of, 'papa'..." she warned, her tone full of fury.

Anger flashed across his face as he backhanded her, leaving a mark across her cheek. "Do not use that tone with me. You will apologize."

She cupped her stinging cheek, "I hate you. I hate everything you've done, everything you are. You're nothing but a liar. Your whole existence is based on what you've created in your mind papa! You are nothing."

He slapped her again, this time hard enough to send her to her knees. "I am still your Father," he said through clinched teeth.

Blue eyes blazed with fury, "She didn't want you to be my Father, she was going to leave you! She would have been another man's wife, I'd be another man's daughter, I wouldn't even have remembered you," she taunted, crouched on the steps, her pale blue gaze locked on his.

His hand darted out and wrapped around her throat, fingers digging into the soft flesh. "She was mine, she died belonging to me and so help me God you will suffer the same fate if I can't beat this disobedience out of you."

She gasped, choking for air as she frailed her hands at him, trying to push his hand away. "Stop."

"I'm...leaving..." she choked out the words.

"I'll kill you first." He loosened his grip slightly as he forced her to her feet, shoving her against the wall. His face twisted with evil. "No. I wont kill you first, that'd be too easy, you care nothing for your life."

She dropped her head back, hitting it against the marbled wall, gasping, feeling dizzy.

"And I wont bother with killing any capsuleer you know either. They'll just clone." His voice was whispery soft against her ear, "I'll kill that son-of-a-bitch Aldrith's bastard. You think I don't know he is married now? Expecting a child? He doesn't deserve his happiness, he doesn't deserve a child, to be a Father, a husband, when he stole that from me."

Her eyes widened with terror, "No..."

"It will be too easy, to have Mitara kidnapped. To bleed her out, sacrifice her unborn. Make him suffer. Make them all suffer for the sins they have committed against MY family."

The next few seconds were a blur. Instinctively she grabbed at the silver handled dagger that he wore at his side, a blooder weapon disguised as a Ni Kunni ceremonial piece.

Her fingers grasped around it and with all of the strength she could muster she forced it into his stomach.

Shock froze across his face as he realized what she'd done.

"Bitch..." He gurgled the word out as he inhaled a sharp breath.

She yanked the blade up his torso as she felt his blood spilling out onto her fingers, wetting her wrists.

He opened his mouth to speak again but he'd lost his breath. His eyes flashed with a mixture of emotion; rage, anger, and hatred. Betrayal.

She sucked in her breath as she watched the life drain out of his eyes, felt the blood seeping from his body. He slumped against her and slid down to the bottom step.

Her hands started to tremble as she looked down at them.

"Papa." she whispered as she looked to his corpse, moving down the steps to kneel beside him, her silk dress soaking up the pool of blood that oozed from his torso.

"You shouldn't have made me do that. You shouldn't have...I wasn't going to kill you, I was going to leave! They wanted to make me kill you but I couldn't! I thought you changed! I thought you changed, oh god." She sobbed against his chest as hysteria set in.

She curled her fingers around the dagger and yanked it from his wound.

Sometime later Eran and Karmilla had found her in the foyer drenched in the blood, the scene something straight from a horror movie.

What was left of her Father was scattered about the room with ritual symbols smeared in blood across the walls.

"Shalee...what have you done?"

She turned her head, her gaze unblinking as she stared just beyond Eran's shoulder, "He made me do it. He made me do it."

Eran approached her and pulled the bloodied dagger from her hands, dropping it to the floor as he scooped her up into his arms, "Hush. Shhhh. It's alright, everything is alright."

She buried her face against his shoulder, sobbing as he instructed Karmilla, "We have to get her out of here. Now."

"We can't leave this place like this.." Karmilla said as she looked around the foyer again.

"We don't have time. Torch it. Let it burn. Let every god damned thing in this house burn."

Shalee woke suddenly, jolting straight up in the bed. Her head was pounding and tears streaked her face where she'd been crying in her sleep.

Beside the bed the hologram of a small, redheaded child stared at her. "You had to remember. You had to remember Karmilla and what she did for you. Try to remember it, don't block it away again. She cares about you okay?" the little girl urged.

Shalee's head throbbed and her nose started to drip blood, "Who are you?"

"You already know, Shalee. You know. I am you," the hologram said just before she faded away.