Private Recording File One

A drone hovers nearby.

"Record."

A blinking light flashes as the drone swirls, getting into position, floating just above her head. It brings Shalee into focus, blurring out the edges of the landscape—a moonlit beach somewhere on the outskirts of the Federation. The shore is empty save for Shalee sitting by herself, knees pulled up to her chest. She stares out at the ever-moving water, watching the waves rolling over the shore.

"I've been seeing Dr. Witwer more and more these days; he has become one of my most trusted confidants. He knows everything about me, more than I even know about myself. That is the problem with memory loss... you simply don't remember so many things—little things that have happened to mold you into the person that you've become. As with any capsuleer, it is bound to happen. One too many clone jumps and the edges of memories become frayed. That is the natural course of events. But in my case, I've been shuffled around so much that my memories are distorted, fragmented into pieces that I try to fit back together so that I can truly know who I am."

"Remember, he says. Write it down. Record it. Not only the stuff that has passed but things that happen now. I suppose that makes sense. Keep a record in case this should happen again because this isn't the first time that I've suffered memory distortion. As they say, history has a way of repeating itself."

"So, here I am. It's new year's day in the cluster. I am in Chamerout, alone, and ready to delve into the events of this past year, to record the important things that I should remember."

She rubs her hands over her face. Though she is biologically twenty-nine, her clone has the youthful appearance of someone who looks barely twenty. An errant strand of strawberry-blonde hair flutters in front of her face from the soft ocean breeze. She had a lavish home built planetside for her daughter and herself on a water world in the system of Chamerout, part of Essence-- Gallente Federation space. The multi-layered dwelling is housed on an island that she owns. The two-storied dwelling silhouettes the backdrop, all glass, and natural materials, lights pour from the windows, illuminating the beach. It is completely private save for the team of trusted staff and security guards who also live on the island.

"I don't even know where to begin. How far back do I go? I think... I know the most important thing to remember is my daughter. Her name is Gianna, but I call her Gia. She is nine and the most precious thing in my life. I have never felt love as deeply as I do for my child. It's almost indescribable. Her father is Garst Tyrell, someone I knew a long time ago when we were both young pilots flying for PIE."

She falls silent, staring out to sea. The pale moon hangs suspended over the ocean, the glowing orb casting a buttery path of light across the smooth surface.

"It's complicated... but isn't it always? Garst was..." whatever she might have said dies on the tip of her tongue. "It doesn't matter now. He is far away from the Imperial sphere, out in null sec building his own empire. I have Gia, thanks to the help of Vlad Cetes, who helped smuggle her out of his control."

"Despite having woken up over two years ago in an old backup clone because someone had stolen my identity, I found a measurement of happiness. I reunited with my husband, Tiger, and my daughter was brought to me. The three of us lived planetside for well over a year. Though an imposter lived my life as a capsuleer, I was content. Our life together as a little family was enough for me. The matters of the Empire, my old comrades and friends, and my Holding... none of it seemed to matter while we were in hiding. It was a blissful existence."

She falls silent for a moment, lost in reverie.

"Until it wasn't. Until I realized that my daughter wasn't like other little girls. Gia has some sort of extraordinary gift where she glimpses the future. She can see things... she knows things. And sometimes it overwhelms her. It's like, it's stuck in her head and she doesn't know what to do with it. She draws some of her visions. But no matter what... they always come true."

"She envisioned a horrific future for Tiger and me. She was obsessed with the notion that he would return to the Sani Sabik and take me with him. She saw a ritual... and a massacre. So much blood. I couldn't control Gia when I found her in her room, painting this bloodcurdling scene over and over. I didn't know what to do... and so I left. I took my daughter and we left in the middle of the night while he slept."

Her eyes have a faraway glint as she continues her story.

"We ran away... I'm good at running away. I did it before when I ran from my father's home and joined a close-knit band of mercenaries. But that story is for another day."

"Anyhow. I took Gia and hid away in the Federation as I divorced Tiger. I had to. I wanted to put as much space between us as possible. My foolish thought was that I was saving him from that certain dark fate, but it seems that I've just pushed him straight into the arms of the Sani. By my leaving, I set us on a new path where he isn't guided by his Amarrian ideals, nor is he reined in by my love and his desire to please me. His new path is paved in red, dotted with the blood that he no doubt spills in his Sani Sabik rituals."

"He is exactly where I never wanted him to be... and yet, I feel like it is all my fault."

She huffs out a breath as she fusses with her hair, pushing the windblown strands out of her face. "He returned to Thakala, a place where he used to live when he was heavily involved with the Sani before we ever had met. It's complicated, the things that happened next. There was a letter from someone at Thakala, actually, two of them. One from a servant or someone who claimed that Tiger was being held against his will, another from his sister who said that Tiger was right where he wanted to be."

"I didn't know what to do. I knew that I couldn't just go to Thakala myself to save him, it was entirely too dangerous. My Lord Adjutant, Reginald Sakakibara warned me that it could be a ploy of some sort, a way to capture me and keep me there. No one trusts him any longer. Everyone warned me against trying to go to Thakala, so I asked an old friend if she would go in my place. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Sahriah Bloodstone is no friend, not like I thought she might have been. With the memory loss, I sometimes have these ideas of who people are—I piece together fragmented memories and glimpses of things to form an opinion and sometimes I get it wrong, I guess. I remembered Sahriah from my early days in the militia. I remember flying with her in No Mercy in null-sec. And I remembered her being Tiger's friend. I thought that she might have been a friend to me, too, but oh how I was wrong."

"I thought she would help him escape Thakala but instead, she went there and embedded herself into his household. She became his 'prathet', which is a title within their Sani Sabik sect. Tiger has claimed to be the new 'Shira', which is the sect leader."

"Instead of bringing him out of Thakala like I asked, she remained and helped him resurrect Revan Neferis's coven. He was once her prathet, until she disowned him. Now, he has supposedly surpassed Revan. The servant has become the master."

"Except... except I don't truly believe that to be the case. The thing is, Tiger doesn't have the capability to do such a thing. His power has always been the reflection of a strong woman guiding his hand. At first, it was Revan, and then it was me. He is like a moon reflecting sunlight, never shining on his own."

"And, now? Now it is Sahriah. He may call himself the Shiras, but he is not in control. She has all the real power, and he can't even see it, he's so blinded by his lust for glory and control that he doesn't realize Sahriah is right there, siphoning every bit of it away when he is distracted."

"And, oh, how he truly does distract himself. Despite his continuous declarations of love for me, he beds without abandon. He sates his pleasure with any woman who will have him."

"He hasn't changed. He is still the same man that he was before he met me, a man who is wholly and utterly devoted to the Sani Sabik, who lies and beguiles to get what he wants, at any price. Since the divorce, he has shown his true colors. He has threatened my friends, family, and any man that he suspects me of seeing. And.. he has deeply hurt me, not just emotionally, but physically. Not just once, but twice."

She absently rubs her hand against her throat, her fingertips graze over the fading bruises caused by him trying to choke her the previous night in a violent rage.

"Never trust him again."

"End recording."

She accesses the file and adds two mails for further proof. The date, 9.29, catches her eye. A smile curls her lip as she realizes she sent another letter on that fateful day, one that has irrevocably changed her life... for better or worse, is yet to be decided.

From: Tigerfish Torpedo
Sent: 2019.09.24 17:08
To: Shalee Lianne Cerra,  

Lord knows I'm trying to understand. Some days it's harder than others. Other days I just feel an overwhelming sense of rage...
To think I was going to blackmail you with the lives of all your former servants and friends from Huola...  but...  that wasn't how I wanted you to remember me. I would so easily do anything to get you back.
All my love,
Tiger.


From: Shalee Lianne Cerra
Sent: 2019.09.29 18:34
To: Tigerfish Torpedo,  

Dear Tiger,
Gia's vision was very specific and thankfully is able to be traced to a specific date. I know that it makes little sense to you, but I have to heed its warning. I have to do everything in my power to keep that possible future from coming to pass. I care for you deeply, my love for you hasn't dissipated nor faded. I care enough about you to leave you. I know that it is hard to accept, but it has to be this way. I can't imagine a world where you return to your Sani Sabik roots, bringing both myself and my daughter into the bloodbath of your former religion.
It's ironic, isn't it? I left you to spare you, and yet a part of me feels as if by leaving, you are tempted to fall back into that world of darkness that you once ruled. Your previous letters hint at that possibility. How can you even think for one moment that by threatening to harm servants or friends would cause me to rush back in your arms? Yes. You know me well, and know that I would go out of my way to save those innocent souls that you threaten. But, is that how you desire my return? By force and coercion? Is your desire to possess me so strong that you will employ such horrible methods to have me?
That can't be what you want.
I am sure that your 'love, affection, loyalty, and fidelity' were genuine after we married. But, a part of me can never forget the tangled relationships that you were involved in mere hours before our impromptu marriage. Those vows that we spoke that day did not erase the years of hurt that I have suffered at your hand nor the countless times that I had discovered your infidelity and had been subjected to utter humiliation, believing that you loved only me and wanted to be with only me. 
As you've had time to reflect, so have I. I've thought about it all, the good and bad, the lies and deceit. My thoughts are constantly churning, wondering if what you say is true, that we would have faced Gia's visions together. You expect a lot from me, some unwavering trust that I had given you when we first met- when I first gave you my heart. You broke that, Tiger. You did that all on your own.
Yes, I had forgiven you for the many transgressions, but I had never forgotten them. And when push came to shove, no, I couldn't trust that you would not betray me again.
I hope that this letter brings you some sort of understanding as to why I have made the decisions that I have.
Shalee