Entry 106: A Troubled Past

"Did I wake you?"

Shalee shifted languidly, on the cusp of sleeping, "No. I was just thinking."

Nola, an older Brutor woman with skin the color of tobacco and eyes as dark as space settled down beside Shalee on the marbled steps, "I noticed you haven't gone upstairs yet."

"I just...haven't gotten around to it yet. I will."

"Take your time child, you capsuleers sure have plenty of it. Have you decided what you will do with this old place, then?" Nola swayed her hand, motioning to the plantation house.

"Not really. A part of me wants to burn it down. To torch the house, the gardens, the cathedral. But...that's really not going to solve anything at all, is it? It's not going to erase what happened here. It wont change anything."

"I imagine it wont. So why did you come back?"

"I'm not sure. I heard it was for sale...and... I don't know. I wanted to buy it and destroy it but now I think I want to save it. I've been thinking about maybe turning it into some kind of safe haven for newly free'd slaves."

Nola eyed her curiously, almost skeptically.

"The Empire is changing, Nola. The Empress's Emancipation to the Ninth Generation was just the beginning. A new world is on the horizon, one where the children of God are not judged by what blood runs in their veins, but by the sincerity of their hearts."

"You always were a dreamer, just like your mother."

"It's more than a dream. There are many in the Empire just like me who fight against slavery," Shalee explained.

"But you fight for the Empire in your militia do you not?"

"I don't fight for what the Empire is, but what it can become. Will become. The Empress will bring about a 'new age of light and reason'. I wholly believe that."

"I don't remember you being so devoted to the Empire when you were younger..."

Shalee turned her head and lifted her chin to the stained glass window pane, her face bathed in a kaleidoscope of light. "You weren't the only one free'd that day, Nola."

"What do you mean?"

"When the Imperial soldiers came and seized the property and arrested my Father, they set you all free...but I got my freedom too. During all the chaos...I ran away. I would have never been able to escape otherwise... I would have been a prisoner to him my whole life. I was just as much a slave as any Brutor or Intaki that he owned."

Nola nodded sympathetically.

"I owe her my life and I would do anything to repay that debt. So that is why I fight as hard as I do, that is why my loyalty to the Empire cannot be questioned nor doubted. She saved me and I owe her and I will fight and defend this Empire, her Empire, as long as she commands it."

"Your mother would be very proud of you, I'm sure. I see a lot of her in you. That rebellious streak, stubborn chin, those sparkling blue eyes and that mass of curly hair is all your mother."

Shalee absently ran her fingers along the staircase railing, "I can barely remember her."

"You were just a baby when she died. What were you, six or seven?"

"Seven. I had just turned seven."

"Poor soul, to die in childbirth."

Shalee winced at the lie. They both knew what really happened but some truths were too painful to relive. The lie was kinder, and really what did it matter anyhow. Dead was dead. "What was she like? Weren't you her maid even before she married my Father?"

Nola's gaze went blank as she peered into her memories, "She was beautiful....warm. She had a way of making everyone love her. She was like...like a bright light and everyone wanted to bask in her glow. When she married your Father and came here, this place came alive, they said. She enchanted everyone here, we all loved and adored her."

"...did he love her?"

"He?"

"My Father....do..do you think he really loved her?"

Nola's expression darkened. "It was love, or something like it," she said mysteriously.

"What do you mean exactly?" Shalee asked.

Nola seemed to hesitate, "It was a long time ago child, maybe you shouldn't be drudging up old ghosts."

"Please tell me?"

"Your Father was pure Amarr and though he was wealthy, your Mama's family was more so, even if they were Ni Kunni. Anyhow, he had met her at some ball or other and had fallen in love with her at first sight. He courted her, courted her parents and eventually they agreed to the marriage. He always was a charmer."

"Did she not want to marry him?"

"He was an older widow with three little boys. She was young and beautiful and Ni Kunni."

"It must not have mattered so much...?"

"She was Ni Kunni of the Old Realm."

"What does that mean?"

"Her family still practiced what the Amarr had tried to abolish all those years ago. In public they appeared to be the model of Amarrian faith...but they kept many of their old practices and customs alive, in secret mind you."

"So my mother...." her words trailed off.

"She followed polyamory. She was involved with two other men when her parents married her off. She had to give them up, of course, once she was married."

"Did Father know?" Shalee asked.

"He found out eventually...."

Shalee furrowed her brows, feeling as if someone had just walked over her own grave, "...are you saying...are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Nola twisted her hands together nervously as she looked over her shoulders. "Leave the past where it is." She stood up suddenly, "Now, let's go have a walk around the gardens, shall we? It's such a pretty day outside."

"Nola please, tell me the truth, I have a right to know why it happened."

The Brutor blinked several times, "Look. How should I know what really happened between them? All I can say is what she told me before she died. Your Father found out about the Old Realm long after you were born. But he became obsessed with it, of what she had done and who she had done it with. When she became pregnant...well. He went out of his mind, started accusing her of seeing her old lovers and...."

"...and he killed her and the babies she was carrying."

Nola nodded.

"He murdered her but he let me live....why?"

"I think that he tried to turn you into what he always wanted her to be. A proper Amarrian wholly devoted to him."

Entry 105: A Bad Day

Static muffled Predator's voice over comms and all she heard was, "Take down the Hurricane."

The Heart of Huola II uncloaked and locked the nearest 'cane, raining down a storm of laser fire into the hull of Torus Nunn of the 8th Order.

"Focus fire, focus fire goddammit I'm going down."

Her target was bleeding into armor as the FC again called primary, "Xirusphere in the Hurricane, focus your goddamned fire."

Fuck. Wincing, she realized she had locked the wrong target and Predator would lose his ship because of it.

Pred's Myrmidon exploded as she locked up the primary, leaving her drones on the other. They managed to clear the field though she couldn't help but feel guilty over Pred going down.

"I'm sorry," she said as she docked up in top station to wait out her GCC, feeling personally responsible for his loss.

It had been a bad day and kept getting worse by the hour.

She rolled her eyes at the dip in her security status. Though it was far from the pirate's coveted negative ten, it was precariously close to making it impossible to enter Amarr.

Over the previous weeks she'd been in too many situations where she had to engage a target that was not clearly defined as an enemy by CONCORD's standards. Thus, she'd been flagged as criminal by CONCORD and had taken a few hits on her security status.

Not that she regretted it in the least. Her rules of engagement were simple. If a fleet member was taking fire, so would she. Her job in the militia was simple. To protect Amarrian sovereignty. Anyone who got in the way of that was an enemy in her eyes, despite what the unscrupulous CONCORD labeled them as.

The FC's she flew under regularly would never demand it, but if they asked for their pilots to take GCC she would always volunteer to do so. She had as much loyality to her commanders, Predator Elite, Zoarial, Jackman, and Invelious as she did to the Empress herself. And now her security status was suffering because of it.

Still disappointed with herself, she readied her Imperial Navy Slicer and headed out to the astroid belts of Arzad to blow off some steam and raise her stats a bit.

She'd left fleet and disengaged from voice comms, wanting nothing more than to be alone while melting a few dozen Sansha ships under her lasers. Over the few jumps from Kourmonen to Arzad, she mused over how relaxing it had become to kill. Mindlessly kill. Some pilots harvested rocks and 'roids, she'd harvest the hulls and blood of the fanatical Sansha.

Once she'd hit the belts, Raphael Saint commed her and asked if she wanted company. She told him no though he showed up in local anyhow, fleeting her up. Moments later her CEO, Aldrith Shutaq, joined them. The trio worked diligently to clear away the belts of both Sansha, pirates, and random war targets.

They returned to Huola after receiving intel that Huola was being invaded by an enemy fleet.

A defensive fleet composed of cruisers quickly formed to take on the Minmatar as they were fleeing they system. The Amarr pursued them to Auga, only to have them undock in battleships.

The Amarrian fleet retreated and reshipped. Moments later the two fleets engaged on the Kourmonen Huola stargate, though the Amarr were unable to hold the field even with the help of Eran Mintor's scimitar.

Orders were given to retreat and dock for the night.

Once inside her Apartment in the 24th station, she sat down with a glass of wine and her journal.

***

Tonight was a clusterfuck. Not only was I responsible for getting Pred shot down, I ended up in an engagement with Kuan and did fire upon him.

After our last meeting I thought maybe I'd be able to avoid such a thing...but with the FC demanding he be taken off the field, what other choice did I have but to lock him up and fire? I will not jeopardize the safety of an entire fleet for the misguided feelings of friendship I have for a Minmatar.

Though I did hesitate. Did that make a difference? In the heat of the battle, it is hard to say. Their fleet tonight was well organized and a lot stronger than I've seen them these past few weeks. As organized as we were, we still suffered losses and had to retreat.

I was hoping that after the battle he would initate comms, that he would tell me that he understood that I was only doing my duty...but I imagine he is very disappointed in me.

I don't even know why I care. He should be no one to me, nothing but a faceless name on my overview. A flashing target.

Nothing else.

When I had seen him last, he asked me if I trusted him.

I told him yes.

He then asked to train me.

I told him I would.

I shouldn't allow him, this enemy of mine, to get so close. To know me as a person. He is far more dangerous to me in the flesh than he has ever been in a vessel of war. Several times on the battlefield I've hesitated, I am distracted by his presence. I am failing in my duties to the Amarr ...and now I realize how hard it must have been for Eran.

I am mere 'friends' with Kuan and I am torn between loyality to a friend and loyality to the Empire.

It must have been so much harder for Eran, being torn between the woman he loved and the people he had vowed to protect.

I made a mistake with Eran and he pays the price for it every single day. My selfishness destroyed him....and I just don't want history to repeat itself.

Entry 104: The Aftermath of Betrayal

Eran Mintor was sitting on a bench by the church looking at the steeple.

"Eran....."

He tensed as he heard her voice and turned slowly to face her, his eyes lit with fear. "Shalee..." He forced a smile, "....it's good to see you again."

She furrowed her brows as she tried to decipher the look of fear. "You were at the Gate...?"

"Yeah. Not for long."

"Why didn't you speak to me?"

He ran his hand up and down his arm as he looked at the grass, "...I wanted to, but what am I going to say?" He blinked a few times then lifted his gaze as he stood, beaming at her sheepishly, "You look beautiful...as you always have."

She tilted her head, back lit by the sun. "Thank you."

His smile melted into a frown, "....I miss you."

Her expression softened and as he frowned, "I miss you too."

"...Did you get my package?"

She nodded, "The slicers? Yes, thank you. It was very kind of you, though I don't think I should have them....I will just save them for you I think."

He frowned deeper as he shook his head, "They're yours now. They were never mine to begin with...called in a favor from a friend of ours. I'm sure she's happy that you have them." He pushed the hood from his head, revealing a lack of hair.

Shalee moved over to the bench he vacated and sat down, her hands folded in her lap.

"So...how have you been?" he asked.

She shrugged lightly, "Busy. At least trying to stay busy with the war and all." She glanced to his shaved head for the moment. "....and you?"

"I...I'm..." Eran winced briefly before putting on another forced smile, "I'm fine." His smile faded, "Shalee..."

"...yes?"

"Things will never be the same, will they?"

"...I don't know."

He walked slowly to her, apprehensively, and stopped in front of her off, "I've made a lot of mist-..." He choked on his words.

She nodded her head, agreeing, quickly looking down at the ground as her eyes misted over with tears. "Yes. You have."

He sat down on the grass and crossed his legs, picking at the blades of grass. "How could I fuck up this bad?!" He darted his eyes to the path leading to the new manor, contemplating leaving before looking back at the dirt and freshly picked grass. "I never wanted to hurt you."

She inhaled a sharp breath. "Then why did you do it? Why did you help someone to harm me Eran?"

"Because I wanted everything. I want everything and I can't have it. I was foolish, I thought it'd be a way, or something, to prevent the other militias infringing on the others space. I...I thought I was a....a superstar or some shit."

"You lied to me. You never even told me, Eran. You were in my god damned fleet and you were aiding the enemy to kill me?"

He looked to the grass again.

"How am I supposed to pretend that didn't happen? How am I supposed to just pretend like you're not a Brutor when you are."

He clutched his knees. "I'm nothing now....it did happen...I betray-god dammit," he winced, fighting off tears as he stood.

Tears dripped down her cheeks, "I forgave so much. So many times I tried to pretend you weren't destroying me."

He ignored the tears that ran down his face, "I...I hate myself for what I've done to you....if I knew this would've happened...I would've told you to stay away from me."

"This isn't about love, Eran, it was never about love. I love you. I love you. With every single breath I take, I love you, and a part of me will always love you. But my love wasn't enough for you, I wasn't enough for you. You wanted more, and all I wanted was to be with you."

He frowned. "I wanted everything....but I can't have that...I could have had...it's too late." He paced several steps from her and pulled his hood up.

"I don't want your empty promises."

"Of course not. My word is worth nothing. I could've been happy if I just gave up sooner...if I had listened."

"Not when you try to kill me no. Not when you say you only want to protect me yet you help the enemy to destroy me, no, it's not. Not when you say you wanted me, that all you wanted was me, but you destroyed what we had."

He turned to Shalee, his mouth open as if he were trying to speak.

She stood and started to pace, her hurt and anger fusing into a powerful emotion. Tears poured down her cheeks, her face flushed red, her vision blurred from the tears. "You have no right to make me feel sorry for you! I risked everything for you. I risked my reputation to be with you. I risked my LIFE to be with you, I would have done anything for you, I would have died for you. I fucking worshiped you and I was NEVER enough for you!"

"Some day you will find someone who will treat you the way I should have..." His voice was low, pained. "You will never know how much you mean to me Shalee, that's because my words can't be trusted anymore but that's my problem, not yours. I'm sorry for what I've done, I truly am." He glanced off into the distance, "...the manor is finished. I will tear it down and plant more trees there so you can have it the way it was before I came around."

She inhaled a shaky breath through her sobbing, "....you finished our house?"

He stared pitifully at her, "Please don't cry." He mumbled to himself, "God, what have I done to her?"

"Shalee....you'll be alright."

She shook her head, "No I wont. I wont. I'll never be alright again." She closed the distance between them, half stumbling, til she reached him and laid her head against his chest, "Hold me."

He looked confused and deeply saddened before placing a hand on the back of her head and an arm around her back, pulling her closer. "It's alright." He rubbed her back slowly and closed his eyes, letting out a deep sigh.

She stained his cloak with her tears as she slipped her arms around his waist, holding onto him tightly.He kissed the top of her head and spoke quietly to her, "Someday you will look back at this and be glad that you found me out for who I was before it really was too late....."

She tipped her head back, staring into his face as tears streamed down her cheeks. "That's all you can say to me?" She gasped for air, feeling breathless, "No more promises? You wont even try?"

"Shalee..." Eran looked down at her, "I still love you but I can't keep hurting you."

She stared at him, choking on the tears.

He frowned as he wiped his thumbs across her cheeks, swiping away her tears, "l promise that I always will love you....but I don't think I can ever forgive myself though. You deserve better."

She pressed her tear stained lips to his, "Just kiss me..." she whispered against his mouth.

His mouth melded to hers as he pulled her closer, holding her tight. She cupped his cheeks, holding his mouth to hers, kissing until they were both breathless.

He kissed the tears away as he caught his breath, "You give me too much."

Her forehead rested against his. She inhaled his scent, "I love you."

"I don't deserve this...you should be spitting on me. But I love you Shalee."

She tensed as she started to untangle herself from him, gasping for breath, wiping away the tears, "I love you but I haven't forgiven you."

He reached for her hand, curling his fingers around hers, "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure we can at least still be friends. I need you, I know I do. It's beyond a want, and I wanted everything; that's why I fell so hard. It's up to you in the end.....I don't want to hurt you more than I have."

"I should go...duties and all of that," she said softly.

"Of course...take care, Shalee. Be well."

She wiped her cheeks with the edges of her sleeves, "I will. And you take care too....and we'll talk soon?" her voice was heavy with emotion, slightly higher pitched.

"Yes, of course!" He smiled to her as he squeezed her hand before letting it go.

She turned around quickly and dashed off into the distance.

He watched her, whispering, "I love you."

Entry 103: Commander Yida

"It seems I have some free time at the moment." Kuan Yida, Commander in the Tribal Liberation Force Militia said as he initiated comms with her.

"Mmm wonder why." She smirked to herself. Kuan was docked up in 'Auga Third' with twenty or so Amarrian militia hovering around the undock, herself included.

"And... you may note, lady, I was not on your combat loss log." Earlier, Shalee and Pred had went out for a roam, picked up one or two other pilots along the way and had been attacked by the Minmatar with overwhelming numbers. She had noticed Kuan being there just before she went down, though later when she checked the log of it, his name had not been listed.

"I did notice that, actually. Why?" she asked.

"I had other targets to shoot," he responded.

"Ah."

"However, it seemed as if it would be... unseemly. I don't know," he said.

"So. Unseemly," she muttered.

"Indeed."

"Looks like we are leaving, so you're free to undock," she said as orders had been given to warp to Amammake.

"Alas, some stationside duties now call, and nearly all my comrades have disbanded."

Before she killed the connection, she said, "You shouldn't hesitate."

"You have been my guest, and I failed at providing proper courtesy. I have yet to determine how that should be amended. In the meantime... it will be simpler to choose other targets in your fleets."

"I'd rather you not do that," she said flatly.

"It is my decision, Commodore. It requires no response or like act on your part, nor any obligation."

"You're rather stubborn, aren't you." Shalee sighed to herself. Men.

"So, you have noticed?"

"Absolutely."

"The way of the Xia teaches pride and honor, and those can be difficult masters."

"Mmm. I've hesitated too," she admitted.

"My pardon, lady. Pressing business calls. However, I will be in contact. Fly safe."

"Farewell."

***

After her patrol, she docked up in the Huola 24th station for the night. Once inside her apartment, she changed out of her uniform and made herself a drink, turned on some soft music and sat down to activate the date crystal he'd given her.

She took a sip of her wine as she started to read, 'Tao De Long Xia: The Path of the Dragon Warrior.'

She'd finished half a bottle of wine by the time she'd finished reading. Her thoughts drifted to when she'd first became aware of him, sometime out on the battlefield these last few weeks.

No doubt he became aware of her in the same time frame as well. He had wrote about her in his public logs, though she didn't know whether to be flattered or concerned. He spoke of her with equal flattery and sarcasam.

Of course.

He's the enemy after all, dammit.

And then he changed her world forever. He sent her the mail giving her proof that Eran had betrayed her.

Some part of her first thought he'd done it out of malice, that he must have taken great satisfaction to know that he had singlehandledy destroyed her life. Well no, to be fair, he handn't been responsible for Eran's actions. But still, had he not told she would have never known the depths that Eran had fallen to. The things he was capable of.

Later, she'd seen Kuan in local comms in Auga one night and randomly invited him to Houla for drinks in front of everyone. The guys she'd been flying with had laughed it off as if it were some joke, but she had been serious.

And he had accepted.

A few days later they met in Kourmonen instead, he'd taken her into the Vherokior occupated section of one of the space station to have drinks and dinner.

She'd been fascinated by the experience despite the open hostility from some of those who had hated Amarrians.

It could have been a trap. He could have easily delivered her over to the mob yet he did not, instead he protected her.

Her enemy defended her against his own people.

It was a strange situation and had continued to be one even after she'd left him for the evening.

Since then she'd hesitated on the battlefield, just for a few seconds, but enough to where Kuan managed to live. It had made a difference.

She had been disgusted with herself, not because she shot him, but because she hesitated. Kuan had wormed his way into her subconscious, gotten under her guard and now she was paying for it.


"Goddammit," she muttered under her breath.

After another glass of wine, she opened up her neocomm and sent off a message to him.

Dear Commander Yida...

Entry 102: His Story

　
"So what's the deal? Why do you not like Intaki...?" she asked Pred as they stepped outside into the snow. Moments earlier he had lost his temper with Rita, an Intaki and frequent guest at the Keep.

He pulled out a picture and handed it to her, "This was my family..."

She barely hid her shock, "What?" She held the photo up to the waning light, staring at it as her thoughts raced. She had flown under him for months now, had been to his Huola apartment for drinks, he'd come to Amarr to visit her and the rest of the Knighthood at the Keep. He was her friend.

Wasn't he? What did she really know about him? Apparently nothing. She didn't even know his name, only his call sign, Predator Elite. Gods. And now he had a wife? A family?

"My wife and two sons."

"...wife? You are married?"

"Was." He looked away.

"It's a long story."

"Tell me."

"I was in the Caldari militia at the time. My family and I had moved out to a low sec system."

She nodded. "So what happened?"

"I thought I could protect them, from anything." He started to pace. "I was out in a small fleet commanding as usual and the next thing I know the Gallente had taken over the system we lived in."

She folded her arms, rubbing them absently as she listened, her eyes wide, trembling from the frigid temperature.

"I quickly organized a larger fleet and ran back to the system. It was a masssive fight, over five hundred against a thousand."

"...we had less."

"I did everything I could in the book to try and get it back, to retake the system... but I failed at every attempt."

"During the fight the gallente learned that my family was there. They found them and took them."

"I tried to pursue but was intercepted and we had to fall back."

"They held my family hostage for over a year. Eventually I left the Caldari militia to look for them."

"When I found the Intaki that was holding them I demanded their release."

"They tried to negotiate...the Intaki wanted me to spy against the Caldari. I obviously told him no way and then at that moment....I lost everything that was dear to me."

She paled, "Oh god...."

"He murded my family right in front of my eyes...it happened so fast. They were dead before I even reached him."

"I buried them." His voice cracked, "I buried my wife and my two sons."

"I am so, so sorry." She blinked rapidly as if trying to keep tears from falling.

"I took the Intaki and tortured him for several months. He was asking to die every single day...eventually I agreed and killed him."

"At that moment I swore I would take the life of every Intaki I ever meet."

"...but Pred, you musn't do that. One person's actions should not speak for an entire race of people. He was a horrible, wicked man but...certainly not everyone is like that."

His jaw clenched as he reached out for the picture.

She stared down at the photo for a moment then passed it back to him, "I am so sorry."

"Maybe you're right Shalee.. but I will keep killing them as long as I am alive."

Entry 101: Shady Pilots

Shalee slanted her eyes left and right, following the small beam of light that Joshua flashed in front of her.

"So anyhow, I had went out on a patrol under Jackman. It was different from what I am used to with Predator, but it was fun, he took us out to Minmatar high sec. On our way back to Huola, we see Eran on a gate, on auto pilot."

Joshua nodded as he signed off on a chart, the motioned for her to stick out her tongue. He pressed a tongue depressor into her mouth, "An' then..."

"Say ahh."

"Ahhh."

She waited patiently as he pulled it away, then continued her rambling. "I hadn't flown with most of these militia pilots, they were dayshift, though Raphael was there. Anyhow so we see Eran, on autopilot. Someone mentions locking him, but I asked them not to. Jackman gave the order not to agress him since I know him. The fleet disbands and everyone is told to go on their way, we were in Kourmonen by this point."

Joshua moved to her side, otoscope in his hand, tilting her head to look into her ear, "Right, Kourmonen," he muttered distractedly.

"I make to the 24th station in Huola, but I'm hearing over comms that Eran is being bumped off the Huola gate by some of those pilots." She tilted her head to the opposite side as he examined her other ear, "So I go back. Haven't heard from Eran since that night he left the Keep mind you, I didn't even know he was flying again."

He added something else to her medical chart, pretending to listen, "Uh huh."

"I have never been so angry and so annoyed with my own damn militia. I start randomly locking up pilots on the gate and tell them I will go GCC, that they need to let him go."

He looks up at her, absently nodding. "Right."

"Mind you, I'm only in a harbinger and if I had to go GCC I probably would have died to gate fire. But that didn't matter to me, it was the principal of it. Anyhow, they end up letting him go, he jumps into Huola and makes it to the station. He never said a word to me after that, and I've still not heard from him."

"What did your CEO say about it?" He mumbled, not really paying her any attention.

"Ah, didn't tell him. Not like he is going to care, I think....well maybe he would care that I locked up Raphel, my own corp mate. But still. If I explained it to him, maybe not. I don't know. And anyhow he's unlikely to hear about it now."

Joshua nodded, "Right." He motioned her off the exam table, still looking down at her med chart.

"All done?"

"Yes, Commodore. You're all clear."

"Perfect. Time to fly." She gave him a mock salute as she headed off towards the pod station, "Oh hey, Joshua? Thanks for listening."

"Anytime Commodore," grinned wryly.

　
　

Entry One Hundred: A Certain Death

"He's coming for you and you've no one to stop him."

She closed her eyes to force the image away, "You're not real. You're dead."

"Garst wont stop. He is relentless, and he will not stop until he has you. Poor little Shalee, all alone with no one to keep the monsters away," Hadrien taunted.

"Stop it."

"If only you hadn't butchered the only one who ever really loved you."

"You're dead."

"Because you killed me."

"You deserved it! You DESERVED your fate I will not feel guilty. I will NOT." she screamed.

"...and yet you do. You cannot let me go, can you? You don't want to let me go."

She buried her face in her hands, trying to force him away but his voice was still there, inside of her mind.

"You destroy every man who loves you. It's your fault. Love is but a game to you, I taught you too well, didn't I my angel?"

"You're not real," she whispered.

"He is dying because of you."

"I didn't pull the trigger."

"He pulled the trigger because of you, angel. It might as well have been you."

"I could never do that, I could never hurt him."

"You're nothing but a source of misery to him, just like you are to every other man who loves you. You have to know that, have to know that if he truely dies his blood is on your hands."

She sat there rocking back and forth, whispering over and over, "I don't hear you, I don't hear you, you're not real."

Hadrien's voice finally faded away.

She dropped her hands and looked about the room as the AC unit kicked on, blowing a gust of artifically cool air against her feverish skin.

It had been five days since she'd slept. The lines between reality and nightmares blurred and she was finding it harder and harder to keep her sanity. It was easier to keep herself together while in pod, her focus was sharper when all she had to do was worry about the next kill. Her military training kept the hallucinations at bay.

Usually, anyhow.

Her last patrol was harder. Coming out of pod afterwards for a few minutes of downtime before the next fleet was set to rendezvous had nearly undone her.

Joshua, her chief pod tech, had pleaded with her to get some rest but she ignored him, telling him she'd be fine after a drink and a dose of stims.

She'd waited for the call to come over comms for the next roam, stretched out on a bland sofa in a bland room that connected to her hangar in Huola top station. The dim light made it all too relaxing and with nothing else to look at, she stared off at the oranged hued planet beyond the glass wall.

Moments later her thoughts became less controlled as she started to drift off. She tried to fight the heaviness of her lids but couldn't. She fell into a fitful state of half asleep, half awake, exhausted, feverish, and full of grief.

In those hazy moments she could hear Eran's voice. "Shalee I love you. You are everything to me." So many promises, so many lies. She drifted deeper as her exhausted body gave into the need for sleep. Dreaming. Nightmares. Seconds later the sound of a shotgun thundered through the hellish darkness.

She jerked awake to the sound still reverberating in the back of her mind.

But it wasn't over. Though she was awake she was slipping away. Too many stims and too little sleep combined with the utter grief that consumed her pushed her towards the edge. She was hallucinating, seeing the brother that she'd murdered.

Finally a voice broke through the madness, one over militia comms. The fleet was forming and she had less than five minutes to meet up with the FC in Kamela.

***
Later...

"Goddammit!" She yelled as she struggled in the vat of ambiotic fluid, trying to pull the mouthpiece from her lips, nearly choking the fluid.

She could feel Joshua's hands on her, trying to pull her up.

She slung her head from side to side, dripping with the translucent fluid. "Get me out of here goddammit!

"Easy Commodore, calm down."

"No you calm down! I just want out of this coffin already." She swiped her hands across her face, clearing her eyes, blinking several times as she tried to focus her vision. "The nerve of that man!"

Joshua looked at her cautiously as he handed her a towel, uncertain if he were supposed to ask what man.

"Lost one of my last harbingers in the blink of an eye to the most idiotic calls." She brushed the towel across her slick face as she stood up, waiting for him to unconnect her from the vat. "I mean really, in what universe does it make sense to 'just ignore' a gate camp while you're in a battle cruiser because the rest of your fleet is light and already gone. JUST IGNORE it he says. JUMP THROUGH, he says."

Joshua nodded as if agreeing with her as he finished the last deconnect, then helped her out of the vat."And we do. Raphael went first, he got caught, was taking heavy fire but making it back to the stargate. I'm there holding cloak, planning on burning back to the gate myself. And I do. I make it. I'm ready to jump through."

Her face flushed with hot emotion as she continueed to yell and vent, "But THEN he says, "engage." So I confirm this, right? Because I think surely he didn't say to engage. But he did. He says engage so what am I supposed to do but follow orders and ENGAGE and then I'm aggressed as Raphael makes it through the gate. The FC is pleased with this. Raphael makes it, but I'm stuck in the midst of it. And he tells everyone else to simply 'warp off'. Sure I'll just WARP OFF in a battle cruiser."

"So then he says, de-agress and jump back through the gate. Yeah okay I'll just sit here and let the whole goddamned Minmatar army beat the shit out of my hull while I wait it out and hope and pray that I can make it through the gate."

She growled an annoyed sound of frustration, "Which obviously didn't happen. And it was my own fucking fault for not trying to warp my pod out sooner so not only did I lose my harbinger and my crew, I lost my pod and implants."

Joshua stood outside of the shower stall, listening to her ranting, his mouth twisted into amusement. He much prefered her firey temper to the sullen melchanoly of the last week or so. With this new clone, at least her body was rested. And by the sound of her ranting, she was back to her old self.

She stepped out of the shower and sideglanced him, "What the hell are you smirking at?"

He tried to wipe the grin off of his face, "Nothing Commodore, nothing at all. Now, shall we go and see to those implants?"

Entry Ninety Nine: Betrayals & Obsessions

It had been four days since she'd slept. Four days of near-constant patrols in the war zone. When she wasn't in pod, her life had taken on a hellish hue.

Randomly she had received a neo comm message from a Minmatar Militia pilot, someone she had been fighting against almost on a nightly basis. Her first instinct was to think it was fake. A ruse from the TLF Commander, something to throw her off her game, something to distract her with while in pod. After all, lasers and missiles weren't the only way to destroy an enemy.

From: Kuan Yida
To: Shalee Lianne

Honored enemy:
It would seem that this message I received from your lover would be of interest to you. As he's regarded as a traitor to his people, you should know that this trait of his runs deep and double edged.
Kuan Yida
TLF Talon Commander
Xia of Huang Yinglong

From: Eran Mintor
To: Kuan Yida
Don't tell Amarr, but I was repping your sleipnir and some other Minmatar. Not that it matters.



For two days the message rolled around in her mind, taunting her. During some downtime she had checked the combat logs and reviewed some holo's of their previous patrols. Eran, in a fleet with her and Predator. It was all there. The 'kill boards' were proof enough. There was no denying what he had done.

It was the last straw.

He had broken her heart when he left the Knighthood. She'd been naive and foolish enough to believe that once he converted to the Amarr Militia and lived with her that it would be enough, that she would be enough to sustain him.

But it was not. He had left despite her tears, despite the arguments. He followed his convictions and left to build a 'new empire of peace' in null sec with some of his former friends.

She had forgiven him, she had tried to make it work despite being in different corporations fighting for different causes but he had made it difficult. He spoke out publically against the Amarr on the Inter Galatic Summit. It had humiliated her. He had shot down an Amarrian Militia member in Amarrian space. She was mortified. Over and over these incidents happened followed by his apologies.

She had forgiven him each and every time because she was hopelessly in love with him. Desperately so. Obsessively so.

It had been easy enough to put him above everything else because love was supposed to conquer all, because his love mattered to her more than the public humiliation she constantly had to endure.

That is, until he crossed the line and aided the enemy to kill her.

Until there was proof that not only would he betray the Minmatar and the Amarr, but that he'd betray her. That he would aide her enemy in destroying her.

It was unforgivable. How could he claim to love her and yet secretly aide the enemy to kill her? If he could do that, if he would lie about that, then what other secrets would he keep from her? Did she even know him at all?

She had confronted him in the Keep and he didn't even have the decency to deny it. She lost her temper, both with him and everyone else who tried to intervene for her 'causing a scene'.

She left Amarr after yelling at her former Captain, Mitara Newell, to 'fuck off', and headed back to Huola, back to all that was familiar and 'safe'. One patrol followed another.

She refused to sleep, to eat, to come out of the pod.

Eventually her emotions were under control enough for her to return, only to be told by Aldrith that Eran had tried to kill himself, that he had drunk himself into a pit of self loathing and put a gun to his jaw and pulled the trigger.

The nightmare ensued.

She tried to see him as he recovered at the Basilica but she wasn't allowed in. She stayed by his door til morning, only vaguely aware of the others who came and went; Kaleb, Literia, and Esna.

Eventually she was sent away and once again she returned to Huola, only to find Garst Tyrell there.

He taunted her in local while he challenged militia pilots to duels, for 'honor'.

Both Predator and Aldrith accepted. Those who did not were hunted anyway. As he left the system he sent her a neo-comm message:

From: Garst Tyrell
To: Shalee Lianne

We'll be together forever...or I'll haunt you until you are nothing but dust.
I'm going to be very blunt with you Lianne. You are making me very, very angry. I've taken a few dozen deep breaths and I'd be lying if I didn't admit I was more angry at myself than with you. You can't find your true nature without my help anymore than the a Matari slave would know what do with his freedom if he had it. Matters out of my control have kept me from upholding my promise to you (surprising isn't it princess? The universe doesn't revolve around you) but I'm here for you now, dry your tears. In the spirit of truth telling I have reason to be angry with you. Not ONCE have you tried to contact me, not ONCE have you reflected on your misspent life or the associations that have you got you in so much trouble. Repent princess and witness what your sins have wrought.
I've attached a present for you, although I don't expect you will like it much. Here's a preview:
(enclosed is the photo of Predator Elite's corpse)
Beautiful isn't it? I love that photo, the way the light reflects off the blood. I think is just positively delicious.
Pay attention Lianne. I promised you that if you refused me I will hurt the ones you love.
I'm raising the ante. When you've run out of friends I'm coming for you. If by that day you have not fallen to your knees, dried the tears from your eyes and begged me for repentance I will kill you. Unlike 'Predator Elite' (an arrogant windbag's call-sign if there ever was one) you don't have a backup clone, princess. Come to your senses, I beg you.
More of your friends will die. Only you can make the killing stop...

Entry Ninety Eight: The Secret

Tears streaked her cheeks as she sat there, numb from over stimulation. Colors blurred, sounds were distorted, smells intensified.

She could hear someone trying to talk to her but they seemed very far away, a voice hidden behind a door at the end of a long hall.

She shook her head, trying to make sense of what was happening.

"Commodore." the faintest of whispers. The voice, familiar. She latched on to it in the cacophony of sounds, using it as an anchor.

"Commodore Lianne. Do you hear me?" His voice was more forceful, demanding.

She gave a quick shake of her head as she forced her mouth open, "I hear you."

Her voice sounded alien to her, and very far away.

She latched onto the sides of the cloning vat, dizzy and nauseated.

"Where am I?" she asked, though she already knew.

"Amarr, Emperor Family Academy Space Station. You had an accident."

Accident. A polite way of saying you died. That moments earlier you were far across the galaxy and someone killed you. That some part of you was still out there, floating in space, scarred, burned, or frozen. Maybe she was still there anyhow, in the asteroid belt in Kurniainen. If the pirate hadn't taken what was left of her for God only knew what.

It never got easier.

She'd been podded before. She had woken up in this very room countless times in her earlier days of flying, having gone through the process a dozen or so times before.

Even so.

She died.

Died.

Her mind worked quickly to process the fact.

The last images burned across her memory. An asteroid belt, she'd been engaged with a Sansha when the pirate warped in on her. The belt was a difficult one, hard to navigate in. Her corp mate had lost his ship moments earlier in the dense mass of rocks though had managed to get his pod out safely.

She'd stayed behind, trying to get the last Sansha...and that's when it happened. A pirate in a dramiel had warped right in on top of her. She couldn't get out of his range, couldn't get away because she became stuck in the dense debris.

She watched in horror as her pod was caught. Destroyed.

And then everything was dark and cold.

Moments later she was waking up, as if she'd merely been asleep.

The rush of memories overwhelmed her and for the briefest of moments, her mind protested.

Some small part of her wanted to reject the sudden onslaught of an entire life filling her mind, her thoughts.

It wasn't her, was it?

She gripped the sides of the cloning vat tightly, her knuckles white, as she was forced to relive the moments of her life in lightning fast flashes.

She was five, running through the palatial corridors of her family estate, naive and happy. She was was seven and her mother was dying by the hands of her father and brothers. She was thirteen when she learned the family secret, when they brought her into the horrific world of blooding.

Macabre images of slaves being tortured, drained. Sacrificed, delivered unto God.

Blood on her hands, streaming down her pale arms.

Hadrien guiding her, teaching her.

Tears dripped from the corners of her eyes.

Other memories continued to play across her thoughts, imprinting in the back of her mind. Her first kiss. The first time she had fallen in love. The first time she had flown through space. Her first battle.

Emotions overwhelmed her as she remembered, trying to make sense of it all.

"Commodore?"

She focused her stormy blue gaze on him, trying to place him in the set of memories she'd just been delivered.

"Yes....Joshua...?" she asked in an uncertain tone. "You're...the pod technician...?"

He nodded with a smile, "Good. It's all coming back to you? Do you feel like you can stand?" he stretched his hand out for her.

"I...I think so." She laid her hand against his, dripping with ambiotic fluid. "You're the first person I've ever touched..."

He quirked a brow as he pulled her from the vat, helping her to her feet, "I'm sorry...?" He smiled an apology as he draped a towel around her.

"No...was just musing on it. I remember touching other people...but I really haven't, have I? I've been here this whole time." She glanced to the clone vat.

"Strange, isn't it?" he responded as he helped her over to the showers. "Are you sure you're feeling alright...you seem different this time," he said with a hint of concern.

"I feel different. I feel...I don't feel like her."

"Her?"

"Me. I'm sorry." She shook her head as a look of confusion swept across her delicate face. "Me. I meant me."

He nodded as he helped her into the shower stall. "Sometimes it takes a while to fully integrate. I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Joshua?"

"Yes Commodore?"

"Do you think...do you think I had a soul. Before you woke me up, I mean. Do you think...for those few fleeting moments, before I became Shalee...do you think I was someone else?"

He gave her a quizzical look. "That, Commodore, is for the Theological Council to decide. But the general opinion of the masses is that no, you're nothing more than a 'meatbag' before you're awakened."

"Oh.... I see. I just can't help but feel like ...something isn't right. That I'm not living the right life."

"How do you mean?"

She shook her head, "I don't know...I guess I'll figure it out."

He waited for her to shower then lead her to the medical bay, readying her for the implants and hardwire that would render her a better combat pilot.

She stretched out on the med table and closed her eyes as memories continued to seep into her consciousness.

"Joshua? Do you think I am a bad person?" Tears seeped from the corners of her closed lids.

"Bad? Not at all. You fight for the glory of the Empire. How can someone who does all the things you do be bad?"

"You don't know everything I've done."

He smiled down at her as he positioned the light above her head, "Certainly not. But God does."

He tilted her head and pushed her hair out of the way as he sloshed an antiseptic across the base of her skull. "Is there something bothering you...?" he asked, uncertain if he should breach the bounds of their professional relationship.

"I just feel...that I am spinning out of control."

He rubbed his thumb against her temple, trying to soothe away the stress, "Relax. The download isn't perfect 100% of the time. You'll feel a little disoriented but things will straighten out soon. You need to relax and let everything sort itself out."

He injected several doses of medicine into the bottom of her neck, just below her hair line, one to numb the area, another to put her to sleep so that he could insert her implants. "Everything will be fine soon enough, Commodore."

"If only it were that simple," she mumbled as she drifted off to sleep, loosing control of her thoughts as she started to dream.

A holodrone activated and the image of a small girl with long red ringlet curls projected, hovering just beside his arm.

Joshua noticed the movement from the corner of his eye and jerked, knocking over a small table full of implants and medical devices.

"What the.." he caught himself before her cursed. He stared at the giggling child, "Who...what...are you..."

The girl gave a dimpled smile, "Don't you know?"

He quickly darted his hand through her, "I don't believe in ghosts..." he said in amazement, "..but no child should be able to access the holographic equipment in here..."

She giggled again as she glanced over to Shalee sleeping. "She forgot to tell you. She wants the snakes implants this time...she likes to go fast."

Joshua took an unconscious step backwards as shock slid across his face. He grabbed hold of the counter to steady himself.

"...Shalee?" he stared at the little holographic girl. "But how?"

She held her tiny finger to her lips, giggling. "Shhh. It's a secret."

Entry Ninety Seven: Bloody Retribution

Aldrith Shutaq, CEO of the Merciful Crown, stepped slowly out from the double-doors inside the Keep, his expression mute and his eyes flowing over the sword on the table in front of him. He stretched his hand out for it, fingers running over the surface of the scabbard slowly. The sword had been a wedding gift from Lyn Farrel.

Math'ra Hiede, noticing Aldrith, stood and made his way towards him. Hitome Kei, his fiance, joined his side. "It's a beautiful sword..."

The double doors swung open again as Shalee and Verone stepped out into the main hall. Earlier, Literia had came to the Keep upset about a friend of hers being kidnapped and tortured by the man who was stalking her. Helpless, Shalee tried to call Vincent, the man Literia had been dating, but couldn't reach him. Not knowing who else to turn to, she called Ethan Verone, Vincent's CEO and best friend. He had no idea where Vincent was but said he'd come. Once he arrived, Shalee had immediately taken him out of the main hall for fear that his mere presence would cause a scene. After all, he was the most notorious pirate in all of New Eden. She'd taken him up to the turret and explained the situation.

He promised to help find Vincent and said he'd check into the matter. Satisfied with his answer, she lead him back into the Hall, hoping to usher him out quickly before anyone realized he'd been there.

Aldrith froze for a long moment, his hands about to close around the sheath until he heard Shalee enter behind him. He turned slowly to face her.

Hitome looked to Shalee, then to Verone with a look of panic.

Verone merely grinned, tilting his head to Shutaq with a nod as he towered behind Shalee.

Aldrith stared directly at Shalee, completely void of emotion. Math'ra Hiede tensed notably at Verone's appearance, his hands lowered towards his hips subconsciously.

Shalee nodded to Aldirth as if completely unaware of the building tension in the room. "Hello again." She smiled, then stepped over to Literia, kneeling down to whisper to her, "He is going to talk to Vincent, they will take care of it."

Esna Pitoojee looked up and murmured softly, "Uh-oh..."

"Get back here," Aldrith said in a low, strained voice.

Shalee stood and turned to face Aldrith, her expression hesitant. "...alright."

Morwen Lagann, another VETO member and frequent visitor at the Keep nudged Literia gently and whispered to her quietly. "Now would probably be a good time to leave."

Literia looked up at Shalee nervously, then to Morwen.

"I just meant away from the commotion, that's all. We don't have to go far," Morwen said to Literia.

"Evening Shutaq. You're looking well." Verone kept his intense blue gaze focused on Aldrith.

"Address me again and I'll kill you," Aldrith said to Verone, then turned to keep his eyes on Shalee, his voice icy cold. "Shalee, what is he doing here?"

Math'ra Hiede walked to stand beside Aldrith, devoid of emotion but his stance still more than a little ready.

Shalee turned quickly, chilled by Aldrith's tone, "I called him here. I was looking for Vincent...theres been a problem...." She stared at him, brows furrowed. "...he could help."

Verone cracked a slight grin, chuckling softly as he regarded the Ni-kunni's weapon. He held up his hands for a second or so and tilted his head with a smile.

"Yes... now would probably be a very good time to go," Esna Pitojee said as he neared the group.

"He is going to leave. Right now. Do you understand me?" Aldrith commanded.

Shalee slanted her blue gaze to Verone, eyes wide, face pale, "....perhaps you should go."

"So hostile, Aldrith. And to think I was beginning to believe we'd surpassed all this nonsense," Verone said with the hint of a smile.

"Verone, I think it may be best you not be here." Matty, another guest at the Keep said as he neared the group.

Verone shrugged with a smirk to Shalee, "I was going to have a drink, perhaps catch up with Aldrith if he wanted. I guess he's not looking to speak, though."

Aldrith snapped. He jerked the sheathed sword in a blur and moved with the force and speed of his implants to smash it against the side of Verone's head. Verone, caught off guard by the sudden movement, staggered as the the end of the sword struck at his temple with a dull thud. His head snapped to the side. Blood drenched the open wound and poured down the side of his face. He lifted a hand and cupped it against his marred flesh as he tried to regain his balance.

Esna Pitoojee leapt forward, a little too late to stop him. "Aldrith, NO!"

Screams erupted from Hitome and Literia. Morwen turned her head, eyes shut.

Matty rushed to Verone's side, "Aldrith was that neccesary?" He held out an arm to steady Verone. "I think you should be leaving know. Let me help you out."

"Remember all the times at the Gate when we were afforded saftey despite.. the... oh God..." Hitome tried to reason in a frantic voice with Aldrith as she reached for Verone's other arm.

Verone shook his head slowly, a slight smile creasing his face as the right side of his skintight white shirt flooded with crimson from the shoulder down.

Shalee froze for a moment as she watched the blood dripping down Verone's face, her breath gone. Fear slid down her spine, paralyzed with it. "What the fuck is WRONG with you!" she screamed out at Aldrith as she neared Verone as well, putting herself in between the two.

Aldrith held the sword over his head, his left hand reaching for the scabbard in a slow, graceful motion. His eyes were cold, colored with pure hate. He spoke in an inhuman voice as he unsheathed the sword, "Out."

Hitome, Matty and Morwen crowded Verone.

"Get him out, and save yourselves the trouble." Mathra warned.

"Aldrith, this doesn't fucking solve anything! Put it away!" Morwen exclaimed.

"Get out of the fucking way, Lagann," Verone uttered as he pushed his way through the people, dripping blood across the floor.

"Aldrith, Morwen is right this is not the place for this." Matty said.

"Please no.. not here. And not now," Hitome begged.

Shalee moved after Verone, "Let me help you." Her face paled even more, "Please, let me get you out of here."

Aldrith Shutaq slowly moved the blade so that it pointed at Verone's throat. "Why should I not kill him?"

"Because you wold regret it later, like you did last time. I won't stop you but you know why not Aldrith." Math'ra answered.

"Because he did not kill you. This solves nothing." Hitome replied.

Verone tensed his jaw, moving it in a slow arc to free it up. He smiled to Aldrith, lifting his chin slightly, letting the tip of the blade touch his skin, "Shutaq... I came here with no hostile intent... I came here to help that young brutor girl over there." he nodded his head towards Literia.

"Good deed for the day, Ethan? Yes. I should let you go for that." Aldrith uttered, keeping a steady hand on the blade.

Literia neared Aldrith and Verone begging frantically, "Because he came here to help me, you want to take a head tonight....take mine"

Matty intervened, "Aldrith, if he must be punished then let the courts decide his fate."

Esna Pitoojee laid his hand on Aldrith's arm and started to slowly apply pressure, trying to push the blade down and away from Verone's throat to little avail.

"Verone, are you really that stupid?" Math'ra asked.

Verone looked down to the blade slightly, casting his eyes to Math'ra, "I'm a capsuleer, Hiede... death is an inconvenience."

"Yeah, but uncommon for capsuleers to be bone cold stupid about it." Math'ra countered.

Shalee reached for Verone's arm, whispering in a small voice, her pale fingers drenching in his blood. "Please let me take you out of here."

Verone smiled to Shutaq warmly, "I came here to prevent this young woman from being hurt. If you want to stop me doing that, then feel free."

Aldrith's hand shook though didn't budge, "I remember a Brutor girl I tried to help... "

"But I guarantee, Aldrith, you know what will happen to you... again... if you draw more blood with that blade. I have as many lives as I need to come back for you."

"I don't fear you, Verone. God judges me, along with myself. You haven't the right. You never did."

"If you beat me with your hands, I'll come back with a knife... beat me with that... I'll come back with a gun... and if you beat me again, you better make sure you kill me good and dead, because I'll keep coming." He stared coldly at Aldrith. "Again, and again, and again... because I'm fucking stupid, and I don't care."

Math'ra spoke, "What would it serve you, we are all capsuleers. Your pettiness belittles you. Grow up old man, and get the fuck over yourself."

Aldrith shook the sword threateningly. "Fuck off. Out of my home."

"Aldrith please let go of the sword. There is no need for any more blood to be shed here," Matty exclaimed.

Verone looked to Math'ra with a smile, before nodding to Aldrith. "I see your little puppy has a bark... you might want to put him away, before he gets bitten." Verone spat a little to his side, a slight amount of the blood from his cheek and temple reaching his lips and mouth.

Literia whispered to Morwen with tears streaming down her face "It's because me he is here, I dont want anymore blood tonight."

Math'ra shrugged, "I bite and bark, I also take care of my fucking family Verone, as you fucking understand. Get out."

Verone tsked, "Is there any need for the language?"

"More than likely." Math'ra responded.

"Goddammit I want you to leave! You're dying, please lets leave." Shalee's voice was laced with hysteria. She tried to pull at his arm again, "Please."

Hitome looked to the blood on the blade, "I remember once pleading to this man for your life to be spared which it was... seems now.. I need to beg you Aldrith for that same gift. What will it be? You getting even by causing him torment and pain like you were given? Please no more... end it now a stalemate. Be the bigger man... the one with honor."

Verone looked to Aldrith with a smile, "Shutaq... you need to understand, that until you drew blood again... I was done with you... an eye for an eye, after what happened to Ama. I didn't come here to fight with you. I came here to help."

"You haven't the capability to help. All you touch is corrupted or killed." Aldrith said.

Verone glanced down at his shirt with a smirk, the whole right side flooded with crimson, "You're wrong, Aldrith. You have blinders on, my friend."

"You have no friends. There is only you in your little world. Now take your stolen children and 'help' them elsewhere."

Verone grinned to him a little as he took a step away from the blade. He leaned down to kiss the tip of it with a smile to Aldrith, "I'll leave you in peace now, Aldrith. It was nice to see you again." He turned to Math'ra, lifting his bloodied right hand, and grinning to him, as he gave him a wet and viscous pat on the cheek, soaking his face in blood, "I'll see you soon, too."

"Fuck off."

Verone gave a sideways glance to Shutaq, chuckling as he headed for the exit, still dripping a trail of scarlet along the floor. He shook his head slowly as he gathered his pistol from security, taking a glance back to the Ni-kunni with a smirk before heading out into the snow.

Hitome cast a horrrified look to Shalee.

Aldrith Shutaq lowered the weapon once Verone had left. He stood there eerily still, the color drained from his face, his gaze cast towards the floor. He planted the tip of the sword in the stone at his feet, leaning heavily on it as his entire body began to shake, his breathing heavy. "Why do you test me so, Lord...?" He grimaced in anguish for a moment, then stood straight upright again, sheathing the sword with a violent growl.

The crowd dissipated somewhat, leaving Aldrith, Shalee, and Esna by the table.

Shalee looked to Aldrith slowly, barely moving. Her face pale, splattered with Verone's blood. She stared at him unblinking, "What...what the fuck is wrong with you?" she said through clinched teeth, trembling from near hysteria.

Aldrith looked to her as if she were an idiot.

"You, Aldrith, are a complete and utter idiot sometimes. You know that?" Esna said.

"You could have killed him," she choked out the words.

"But I did not. What did you, and he, expect, exactly?"

"You to be merciful, perhaps?" Esna answered.

"Since evidently you are so content to defend him now. After what you told me, even." Aldrith said, his gaze lingering on Shalee.

She flinched.

Aldrith gave Esna a look. "I was not merciful? Dear me, where ever did I go wrong?"

"But I know what you've done..." she whispered in a small cold voice, her eyes hot and angry. Accusing.

"And I know what you did. Shall I say? I made a mistake. You did quite a bit worse, I remember you telling me."

She felt as if he had knocked the breath out of her. "That has nothing to do with this."

"We are in the same boat, Shalee. Every day since what I did I have tried my utmost to better myself, to make up for it. To have the strength and wisdom to never repeat it. I was weak today, fine, I admit it."

Math'ra returned, hair damp and slicked back, face cleaned of the blood. "You're all as bad as little children, Shalee, your lapse of judgement was pretty fucking severe just now, go think about that. Aldrith, we know, shut it."

Hitome looked up at Math'ra with a bewildred expression, standing there as if uncertain what to say or do.

Aldrith shook his head, his weak eyes wandering away from from Shalee. "I should pray. Shouldn't I?"

"Damned if I know Aldrith, if I even believed God cared, I would say yes, but sometimes I doubt it." Math'ra said.

"I believe this was your hardest test ever Aldrith.. right and wrong was done by each of us.. and it happens as we are .. not perfect. I don't think you walked in the greatest of wisdom tonight, but then again who did?" Hitome responded.

Aldrith closed his eyes, swaying a bit where he stood. "I am nothing still."

Shalee lifted her hands to her cheeks, swiping away tears that dripped from the corners of her eyes, smearing blood across her face.

Hitome looked down at her hands covered in blood and wiped them on her dress, "You are noble in the end.. and merciful. It was not a blade used but a stilll sheathed sword..."

"Your plenty more than nothing brother, we all have our own issues." Math'ra said.

Shalee yelled at Hitome in an hysterical voice, "No! He wasn't merciful! He was a fucking lunatic!"

"Shalee is correct." Aldrith said, looking away.

"I say you where damn merciful, but my standards arn't exactly what you would call comparable." Math'ra said.

Shalee kept her gaze glued on Aldrith, "I can't believe you did this...I know you've always harbored some sort of hatred for me but....gods. How could you nearly kill him..."

Math'ra shook his head, muttering underneath his breath at Shalee.

"How did this have anything to do with you? You told me you despised the man not long ago. Seems your opinions have changed so quickly?" Aldrith asked.

"I asked him to come here to help Literia! To do something we could not do."

"How tactless."

"I asked him here. I can't believe you...the goddamn universe doesn't revolve around you!"

He gave her a helpless shrug, "No, it doesn't."

"Nor you Shalee." Math'ra retorted.

"Shut the fuck up Hiede I'm not TALKING to you."

"Is this or is this NOT my home too?" She yelled at Aldrith.

"Yes, it is."

"You have everyone you want come here. Everything is on your terms. I can't do this. I have to get out of here."

Aldrith's eyes begin to wander. "You're free to do as you wish."

"I hate you," she said in a very low voice as she turned, heading for the door, storming out into the dark snowy night.

"...and feel as you wish." He dropped down into his seat at the head table with a heavy sigh. "Carry on, everyone," he said as he looked out at the Hall wearily.

Hitome sighed and looked around. Blood pooled on the floor and was splattered all over her. Tears pooled in her eyes as she whispered to no one in particular, "I hoped this day would never come...."