"You don't have to worry about Verone."
"Why do you trust him?" Eran asked. "I thought you hated pirates."
"I do, usually. But he has been protective of me," she tried to reason.
"How?"
"When he saw me with Koronakesh, who is a notorious womanizer, he told Gaven, my old CEO. Granted it didn't really help my career any but he did it to protect me. And when he thought Seriphyn was hanging all over me, he intervened again."
"What about if you were to see him in space. Would he protect you then? Or would he kill you and your crew?"
Shalee bit her bottom lip and looked sheepish. "Yeah. Okay. Point taken." Though in the back of her mind she thought no, Verone wouldn't pirate her. Surely not...
Eran shrugged, "I don't know, maybe he wouldn't. I know where my bet would be though. And I'm sure he'd say it was nothing personal, all business." He added with a knowing smile, "...if he did blow you up, that is."
She frowned, not wanting to believe the worst of Verone.
"But whatever," he sipped his wine with the hint of a smirk, "You do what makes you happy. I wont make you stop being friends with Verone....you know how I feel. You make your choices and I will give you my thoughts."
***
She sat on the floor by the fireplace in the library, furiously scribbling in her diary. The room was quiet save for the burning wood and the occasional gust of wind against the window panes.
I can't believe how utterly stupid I've been. All along people have tried to warn me but I never listened. Even way back when, during the early days of PIE, my superiors tried to warn me of certain types of people. Aldrith has spoken out against them, even Raphael tried to reason with me. But I never really listened. I always assumed it was a control factor, but now I've come to realize it was for my own good.
And like any 'rebellious child' I turned my nose up at their rules and authority and did as I pleased, especially since leaving PIE. Being in the Knighthood with no one to answer to but myself, I've done whatever, whenever.
So if I wanted to fly out to the Last Gate and have a drink with my 'friends', then why not?
But why ever did I think they were my friends to begin with? Why?
Verone has made everything perfectly clear that he holds ISK above everything else. That his greed comes before human life. That the death of innocents mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. The only things that matter to him are money and his mindless little followers.
I don't know whats more pathetic, the fact that he is a greedy ISK whoring bastard or the fact that I ever thought he was anything better than that.
***
Shalee knocked on the door after being escorted up to his office by one of the security guys.
Ethan Verone, CEO of VETO, buzzed the door lock open and tilted his head with a curious smile.
She stepped inside and smiled, "Hi....thanks for seeing me." She neared his desk, wearing her usual Amarr militia flight suit, her hair pulled back messily as if she hadn't really given it a thought. "Are you busy? Am I interrupting anything...?"
He shook his head with a smile, tapping several times at the interface on his desk "Not at all, please, have a seat," he gestured to the chairs.
She neared the seat and slid into it, "Are you certain?' She blushed ever so slightly. "I mean...I can always come back another time."
Grinning, he said, "It's quiet alright sweetie, take a seat."
She dropped her hands to her lap and rubbed her fingers together, "Thank you."
"So what can I do for you? If it's another elevator ride, unfortunately it's a little busy this time of night." They had once rode the elevator in his hangar for a half hour or more, talking the whole time.
She blushed again, "Oh...I uh...well. No, not exactly." She looked at him for a moment as if trying to gauge his mood. "The thing is..."
He tilted his head and smiled a little, waiting for her to go on.
"Well. I mean...do you know of the Knighthood?"
"Mmm, I do yes," he smiled.
"Right. Of course. Well, the thing is..." She tilted her head to the side as she lifted her gaze, looking at him. "We uh, we aren't like other loyalist corps."
"How so?"
" We don't believe in slavery, you see. And well...I mean. It isn't a secret that we are vastly different. But some of us go a little further, you see. We have high hopes of changing the Empire, from the inside." She hesitated for a second, dropping the tone of her voice almost to a whisper. "Some of us take it even further...we are involved in some very specific 'programs', if you will. That help others..."
"I'm listening, Shalee." He tilted his head, listening carefully.
"Slaves. We help slaves." She couldn't quite hide her nervousness. Though she were smiling her hands were shaking a tiny bit. He was just so big and imposing. "And the thing is, I know that VETO is a pirate corporation and loyal only to yourselves and pretty much, fuck everybody else."
He looked surprised at the use of language and chuckled.
"But...I was just...hoping. That you would have a little bit of compassion, you see. Your pirates hinder my work, if we are being perfectly frank. I work very hard to move people out of the war zone and when your people are shooting at us..." her voice trailed off.
"Compassion in what respect?"
"The only reason VETO exists is to attack others. To rob and steal from them. Granted, I understand that the pilots who venture down to low sec take that risk of being pirated. But there are others, like myself, who are here for a nobler purpose. And I wish your people wouldn't attack those who are trying to do something worthwhile, like transporting slaves out of Amarr space." She paled ever so slightly, " ...and I don't mean to be insulting, if you are taking my words as such."
He smiled softly to her, "While I can appreciate the sentiment, Shalee... I have to run a business. I'm afraid there's little I can do in that respect.
Crestfallen, "I see. So you're okay with running your business at the expensive of human lives."
"There are always casualties in war, Shalee," he answered solemnly.
"That's your answer? And exactly who are you at war with? As far as I can tell, piracy is not a war. There are thousands upon thousands of others who make those choices when they come into these unsafe systems to prey upon. Why can't you leave us out of it?"
"I'm at war with anyone who opposes the pursuit of profit, Shalee. Our bottom line is all that matters, and the safety of our own personnel. We offer safe passage or release for a price, people just need to barter for it. Sadly, most choose not to."
She sat there for a moment in silence as if digesting his words. Finally she nodded, "I see. I don't what possessed me to come here." She laughed awkwardly as she stood up, her nervousness having faded into anger. "Sadly my ass. You're not sad about anything. But you are a sad man if you cant find any compassion to let people live. Everything can't be about money. Somethings can't be bought. Like self respect. I don't even know how you sleep at night."
He continued to smile at her while sighing softly, "I don't like killing people any more than you do, but I do what I do to get the job done."
"Sadly," she scoffed. Her temper was getting the better of her.
"I have a contract to fulfill. Its' that simple."
She slammed her hand against his desk, "You're lying! There are no contracts for piracy! You do what you want because you can."
He towered over the desk as he stood and pointed to the chair she'd been sitting in. He raised his voice, the deep words booming around the room, "SIT DOWN!"
She flinched from his tone and gasped, though she did not sit down. "No. I'm leaving." She yelled back. "I cannot BELIEVE how fucking gullible I was. Everyone told me, over and over, but NO would I listen?"
"Another victim of the mass media, who pretends to know about me. Pretends to know what drives me, what makes me do what I do, when in reality she's just too damn fucking ignorant to listen without immediately forming opinions." He pointed to her, his voice unusually calm, every word concise and well chosen. "You people make me fucking sick, you know that? Every one of you thinks you're some smart ass shrink who knows what goes on in here." He tapped his temple.
"Whats media got to do with anything? I come here asking you for the tiniest bit of mercy and you throw your 'war' and need for money up, as if that should matter more than human lives. I obviously don't know anything about you other than greed."
He shook his head, smirking, "Greed, I like that. Sure, get your self into a headlong mind lock with the mass media sweetie, and live in bliss and ignorance."
"I don't even know what you're fucking talking about. Mass media."
"You'll realize someday, like hundreds of thousands of others have done that I was right, and you were wrong."
She scoffed. "Ha!
"Hopefully before the barrels of someone's Neutron Blaster Cannons are pointed at you."
Incredulously, she stared at him, "Surprised this room can fit your big old head! You are so arrogant!"
He smirked to her, "You seriously don't know me, at all, or what I'm doing. Some day you'll realize what we stand for. Your vision is clouded, by the opinions halfwits like Aldrith Shutaq and that blood traitor you're attached to. You just suck it all in, and don't stop for a second to look at both sides of the fence."
Shalee frowned as her face flushed with hot anger. His smirking only served to infuriate her more. "I know enough to know that all you care about is this band of simpering fools you have assembled around you and ISK."
"You're like a fucking sponge, sucking it all in, until you're saturated with their narrow minded fucking stupidity. It angers me, because you could be so much more, you really could."
"More! What, like you and your lot? Kill for profit? Well OBVIOUSLY you don't know me either if you really think I follow along like some mindless little Sansha!"
He continued to smirk, shaking his head, "Wow, you... really do have no idea."
"It's what you told me. Come from your own mouth."
He started to laugh to himself, smiling to her across the desk, "I guess you're looking for justice? hmm?" He slipped his chrome plated, mirror polished sidearm from the back of his waistband and tossed it onto his desk with a clatter, smirking to her as he opened his arms wide, patting his chest. "Take your justice, Shalee."
She folded her hands across her chest. "Justice? I'm looking to make a difference."
He nodded to the pistol, smirking, "Make a difference, put me out of commission and watch the whole pyramid come tumbling down beneath me."
She glanced down at the sidearm in disgust. "If you truly think I would use that to kill you, then you don't have a fucking clue who I am. Not at all. I came here hoping you'd give a just a bit of mercy and safe passage to our vessels. I wanted to save lives. Not take them."
He pulled his shirt off over his head, patting his broad bare muscular chest with a fist, "So save thousands, do it... go right ahead. Punch holes in me, solve your problem in one simple step, and be done with it. One life, to save thousands. For the greater good. That's how it is, isn't it?"
Angrily she picked up the gun and held it between both hands, "That's what you're asking me to do? To kill you? Don't have enough courage to do it on your own do you? Are you that unhappy?"
He sat back and smiled to her, opening his huge arms. His lightly tanned broad chest rose and fell slowly, every muscle defined as he kept his eyes on hers, "I'm waiting."
She exhaled a frustrated breath. "I guess you are." She lifted the gun and aimed it at his chest. "But we both know I wont do it." She quickly lowered it, "And not because I'm afraid to kill you." she said matter of factly. "But because I know I'd never make it out of here alive. And unlike you, I don't have a death wish right now." She dropped the gun onto his desk with a loud thud.
"Do you feel better, now that you've had a chance to scream at me? Does that satisfy you?"
"Nope. Not at all."
"Then what would?"
"You've already said no." She sighed with frustration, "I'm sorry for coming here, I should have known better."
He shook his crimson covered head to her with a sigh, "Such a closed mind. I hope that it opens in future for you sweetie. I really do." He grabbed his shirt off the desk with a sigh.
Frowning. "Of the two of us, I assure you I am not the one with a closed mind." And with that she turned around and headed for the door.
He smirked, "Fly safe, sweetie. Our staff will see you out."
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Entry Eighty Seven: Incarnations
Jacke rounded the corner of the 'trophy' room of Shalee's hangar and froze in mid step.
The little holographic girl had come back.
After so many days of waiting for her return, he started to think that maybe he had imagined or dreamed her up while sleeping.
Dutifully he had waited, hoping she would send someone to take him to her, to her 'big house in the snow'. But after a few days his hope had started to wane and even believing in her had become a chore. She wasn't even real anyhow. A ghost, probably. Only a ghost would want to play with dead bodies.
But a small part of him still held on desperately to the idea that she would come back and somehow fix everything. Help him find a home. His dad.
"Red?"
"Jacke!" she sniffled as she started towards him, crying.
He looked her over curiously, wanting to console her but uncertain how. Not like he could hug her or touch her. "Why are you crying? What's wrong? Where have you been?"
"I couldn't come! She wouldn't go to sleep! She kept taking the stims to stay awake and fight the war and she stayed awake the whole time." She sniffled again as tears dripped down her cheeks. "And then something bad has happened and I need your help."
The young Brutor sat down, propping his back against the wall and patted the floor beside him, motioning for her to sit with him, "Slow down." He looked to her as she knelt down beside him on her knees, facing him. "Who wouldn't go to sleep? Your mother?"
"No. Shalee. She kept staying awake so I couldn't come. But now she is asleep...but that is bad. Very, very bad."
He nodded as if he had a clue, trying to figure it out as she was talking, "Go on."
"She wanted to speak to Verone. She went to The Last Gate but he wasn't there. She was really really tired and was drinking while she waited for him. And Vincent Pryce was there."
"Who is that?"
"Only one of the most scarey pirates in all of New Eden. He is in Veto too, with Verone. They are friends. And Vincet is friends with her too but last night ...."
Jacke nodded, waiting for her to continue.
"Last night, Vincent told her that his new girlfriend would let him sleep with whoever he wanted, then said he wanted to sleep with her. She thought he was joking." She sniffled, "And then she had to go but she was so tired and Vincent told her to stay at the club, in the VIP guest quarters. And she said okay, but then he took her to his apartment instead and now she is in his bed.."
"Asleep? Is she alone with him?" he asked, caught up in her story.
"She is asleep and alone, he isn't there but if he returns it could be bad. Cause she had been drinking and if Eran finds out he will be so mad. Eran doesn't like Vincent or Verone. He hates them."
"Who is Eran?"
"Eran Mintor. He is a Brutor like you, and Shalee's boyfriend. He wants to marry her. He gave her a ring yesterday and asked her to marry him but they had a big fight but then they made up."
"So what do you want me to do about it?"
"You have to go there and wake her up. Before Vincent comes back...he might try to kiss her. He did before."
Jacke sighed heavily, "Go where? How can I even get there?" he asked, not wanting to disappoint her but what she was asking of him seemed impossible.
The holographic little girl stared at him unblinking. "Sinq Laison. You have to go to Goinard IV. The pirates have a club there and Vincent's apartment is in the back, behind the blast doors."
He looked at her incrediously, "Um..."
"It wont be hard. I will tell you how to get the isk. You take it and buy an interbus ticket. Once you get there, use the special codes I give you to get into the apartment. Wake her up...but don't tell her who you really are or who I am. She will get mad."
***
An hour later following the little girl's advice, Jacke made his way into the front of Veto's club. He waited by the door as he called Shalee's comm repeatedly.
He stared at the girl while he kept dialing the comm.
A part of him wanted to stay in Huola, in the safety of the space station that he had adopted as his new home. He knew his way around, was familiar with the people who came and went, even if they never took notice of him.
He knew the best places to sleep, knew which air vents lead to the best places to sleep and the easiest places to steal food. He had everything he needed to survive.
But some instinctive part of him wanted more. He craved the most basic of human needs. Love, affection, and the desire that someone actually care about him...and he found that in this unreal little girl. Whoever she was, wherever she lived, she seemed to care for him, for whatever reason.
And that was enough. He would follow her anywhere if he could, even into the den of the most infamous pirates in all of New Eden.
"Remember, you can't tell her about me. And tell her she has to go." Red whispered just before disappearing.
When she finally answered, he sighed with relief.
Jacke made up some lie about how Verone wanted her to come outside. He quickly turned the comm off before she could respond, and waited. At least she was awake.
Moments later a groggy Shalee stepped beyond the doors."Miss Lianne," Jacke stuttered, "Y-you have to get out of here."
Shalee blinked, as if trying to clear her vision. "Who are you?"
"Uh..."
She stretched with a languid yawn, "You're a little young to be here." Groggily she ran her hands across her face, "You said Verone asked me to come out here? Did he say why?"
"Uh..yeah." Jacke glanced to the bed, where he had last seen Red, "He said I should escort you back home...to your house in the snow, on Amarr Prime."
She glanced sideways, looking at him from the corner of her eye, "He wants me to leave and take you with me?"
He nodded.
"Did he say why?"Jacke nodded again, "To study with the little girl there."
"Little girl? Oh. Right. Anette Inhonores, Seriphyn's little girl. She has been staying with us since the Sansha attacks."
"He said it would be a better enviroment there than here." Shalee gave a glance around the exterior of the Gate. "Yeah okay, get your things and we can leave." She was too exhausted and intoxicated to even really question the situation.
Jacke followed her as she started to walk off, "He said he would send them later."
"By the way, you haven't told me your name."
"Jacke." He tensed, remembering Red had asked him not to give his real name though he didn't know why. "Jacke Incarnate." he said, using the first surname that came to mind.
***
A few hours later, Jacke trudged his way through the snow in front of the Keep. He pulled his new cloak tight around his shoulders as he leaned against the wall just beyond the door, hoping that Red would find him somehow.
A pretty blonde Gallente stepped outside, pausing to look at him. "Hello there, don't think I've seen you here before."
He looked at her, "I've only just arrived a few hours ago."
"Oh? Well then, welcome. I'm Brystal Blue. I live here with the Knighthood." She smiled warmly.
"Jacke Incarnate."
"Incarnate? Are you related to Omnicide?"
"Not really." He blushed, wishing he hadn't used such a well known name.
"Are you a friend of Anette's?" she asked, wondering if they had sent a playmate for the little gallente girl who had been living with them these past weeks.
"No...actually...I am a friend of Reds....do you know her?" Every servant he had questioned about the holographic girl had ignored his questioning.
She stared at him, her brows raised with curiosity, "Yes, actually I do. How do you know her?"
He sighed with relief. Finally. "I met her in Huola. Well, not her, but her hologram. I guess she was playing with the holo-interface. She said she lives here...wanted me to come here....but I wasn't to tell Shalee about her."
Brystal's expression etched with worry, "Oh dear." She led him over to a covered bench and sat down, motioning for him to join her. She studied his youthful face. Strong Brutor features, dark eyes. In a lot of ways he resembled a very young Eran.
"There are some things you should know about your little friend." Brystal said, wondering how she was going to explain such a bizarre situation to a child. "You see, Red...well. You've only seen her in holograms, yes?"
He nodded.
"The little girl isn't real."
He quirked a brow, "Then she is a ghost. I knew it."
She shook her head, "Non, not exactly. Red is..." she swayed her hand, "How do you say..." she stumbled over the words, trying to find the right way to explain it to him. "She is Shalee."
"What? But Shalee is a grown up..."
"Yes but, when you see Red, you only see a part of Shalee. The part of her when she was very little, before all of her troubles, I think."
"How does that even work?"
"Well...we don't know, exactly. But you will only see her when Shalee is asleep. It's as if..." she swayed her hand again, "as if a part of her mind works it way through to the outside world. To her, I think it is like dreaming. But in her dreams she is a very young child. And instead of dreaming in here." She taps her fingertip to her temple, "Her implants have somehow allowed her to dream outside. She can go anywhere that is virtual, she just connects with her implants. Once she subconsciously learned how to do that, she started to access the holodrones. She goes any place with holo access."
"But why is it a secret? It seems like no one wants to talk about it."
Brystal sighed softly, "Oh, everyone has their own reasons for keeping it a secret, I suppose. Most don't want to tell her because since this has been happening, it's allowed her to talk about things with them that she wouldn't normally do when awake."
"And she doesn't even know she is doing this? It's a secret they keep from her too?"
She nodded. "I guess people are afraid of what she might do if she finds out."
The boy sighed, "So what should I do? Should I go?"
"Non. She brought you here for a reason, I suggest you stick around to find out why."
The little holographic girl had come back.
After so many days of waiting for her return, he started to think that maybe he had imagined or dreamed her up while sleeping.
Dutifully he had waited, hoping she would send someone to take him to her, to her 'big house in the snow'. But after a few days his hope had started to wane and even believing in her had become a chore. She wasn't even real anyhow. A ghost, probably. Only a ghost would want to play with dead bodies.
But a small part of him still held on desperately to the idea that she would come back and somehow fix everything. Help him find a home. His dad.
"Red?"
"Jacke!" she sniffled as she started towards him, crying.
He looked her over curiously, wanting to console her but uncertain how. Not like he could hug her or touch her. "Why are you crying? What's wrong? Where have you been?"
"I couldn't come! She wouldn't go to sleep! She kept taking the stims to stay awake and fight the war and she stayed awake the whole time." She sniffled again as tears dripped down her cheeks. "And then something bad has happened and I need your help."
The young Brutor sat down, propping his back against the wall and patted the floor beside him, motioning for her to sit with him, "Slow down." He looked to her as she knelt down beside him on her knees, facing him. "Who wouldn't go to sleep? Your mother?"
"No. Shalee. She kept staying awake so I couldn't come. But now she is asleep...but that is bad. Very, very bad."
He nodded as if he had a clue, trying to figure it out as she was talking, "Go on."
"She wanted to speak to Verone. She went to The Last Gate but he wasn't there. She was really really tired and was drinking while she waited for him. And Vincent Pryce was there."
"Who is that?"
"Only one of the most scarey pirates in all of New Eden. He is in Veto too, with Verone. They are friends. And Vincet is friends with her too but last night ...."
Jacke nodded, waiting for her to continue.
"Last night, Vincent told her that his new girlfriend would let him sleep with whoever he wanted, then said he wanted to sleep with her. She thought he was joking." She sniffled, "And then she had to go but she was so tired and Vincent told her to stay at the club, in the VIP guest quarters. And she said okay, but then he took her to his apartment instead and now she is in his bed.."
"Asleep? Is she alone with him?" he asked, caught up in her story.
"She is asleep and alone, he isn't there but if he returns it could be bad. Cause she had been drinking and if Eran finds out he will be so mad. Eran doesn't like Vincent or Verone. He hates them."
"Who is Eran?"
"Eran Mintor. He is a Brutor like you, and Shalee's boyfriend. He wants to marry her. He gave her a ring yesterday and asked her to marry him but they had a big fight but then they made up."
"So what do you want me to do about it?"
"You have to go there and wake her up. Before Vincent comes back...he might try to kiss her. He did before."
Jacke sighed heavily, "Go where? How can I even get there?" he asked, not wanting to disappoint her but what she was asking of him seemed impossible.
The holographic little girl stared at him unblinking. "Sinq Laison. You have to go to Goinard IV. The pirates have a club there and Vincent's apartment is in the back, behind the blast doors."
He looked at her incrediously, "Um..."
"It wont be hard. I will tell you how to get the isk. You take it and buy an interbus ticket. Once you get there, use the special codes I give you to get into the apartment. Wake her up...but don't tell her who you really are or who I am. She will get mad."
***
An hour later following the little girl's advice, Jacke made his way into the front of Veto's club. He waited by the door as he called Shalee's comm repeatedly.
He stared at the girl while he kept dialing the comm.
A part of him wanted to stay in Huola, in the safety of the space station that he had adopted as his new home. He knew his way around, was familiar with the people who came and went, even if they never took notice of him.
He knew the best places to sleep, knew which air vents lead to the best places to sleep and the easiest places to steal food. He had everything he needed to survive.
But some instinctive part of him wanted more. He craved the most basic of human needs. Love, affection, and the desire that someone actually care about him...and he found that in this unreal little girl. Whoever she was, wherever she lived, she seemed to care for him, for whatever reason.
And that was enough. He would follow her anywhere if he could, even into the den of the most infamous pirates in all of New Eden.
"Remember, you can't tell her about me. And tell her she has to go." Red whispered just before disappearing.
When she finally answered, he sighed with relief.
Jacke made up some lie about how Verone wanted her to come outside. He quickly turned the comm off before she could respond, and waited. At least she was awake.
Moments later a groggy Shalee stepped beyond the doors."Miss Lianne," Jacke stuttered, "Y-you have to get out of here."
Shalee blinked, as if trying to clear her vision. "Who are you?"
"Uh..."
She stretched with a languid yawn, "You're a little young to be here." Groggily she ran her hands across her face, "You said Verone asked me to come out here? Did he say why?"
"Uh..yeah." Jacke glanced to the bed, where he had last seen Red, "He said I should escort you back home...to your house in the snow, on Amarr Prime."
She glanced sideways, looking at him from the corner of her eye, "He wants me to leave and take you with me?"
He nodded.
"Did he say why?"Jacke nodded again, "To study with the little girl there."
"Little girl? Oh. Right. Anette Inhonores, Seriphyn's little girl. She has been staying with us since the Sansha attacks."
"He said it would be a better enviroment there than here." Shalee gave a glance around the exterior of the Gate. "Yeah okay, get your things and we can leave." She was too exhausted and intoxicated to even really question the situation.
Jacke followed her as she started to walk off, "He said he would send them later."
"By the way, you haven't told me your name."
"Jacke." He tensed, remembering Red had asked him not to give his real name though he didn't know why. "Jacke Incarnate." he said, using the first surname that came to mind.
***
A few hours later, Jacke trudged his way through the snow in front of the Keep. He pulled his new cloak tight around his shoulders as he leaned against the wall just beyond the door, hoping that Red would find him somehow.
A pretty blonde Gallente stepped outside, pausing to look at him. "Hello there, don't think I've seen you here before."
He looked at her, "I've only just arrived a few hours ago."
"Oh? Well then, welcome. I'm Brystal Blue. I live here with the Knighthood." She smiled warmly.
"Jacke Incarnate."
"Incarnate? Are you related to Omnicide?"
"Not really." He blushed, wishing he hadn't used such a well known name.
"Are you a friend of Anette's?" she asked, wondering if they had sent a playmate for the little gallente girl who had been living with them these past weeks.
"No...actually...I am a friend of Reds....do you know her?" Every servant he had questioned about the holographic girl had ignored his questioning.
She stared at him, her brows raised with curiosity, "Yes, actually I do. How do you know her?"
He sighed with relief. Finally. "I met her in Huola. Well, not her, but her hologram. I guess she was playing with the holo-interface. She said she lives here...wanted me to come here....but I wasn't to tell Shalee about her."
Brystal's expression etched with worry, "Oh dear." She led him over to a covered bench and sat down, motioning for him to join her. She studied his youthful face. Strong Brutor features, dark eyes. In a lot of ways he resembled a very young Eran.
"There are some things you should know about your little friend." Brystal said, wondering how she was going to explain such a bizarre situation to a child. "You see, Red...well. You've only seen her in holograms, yes?"
He nodded.
"The little girl isn't real."
He quirked a brow, "Then she is a ghost. I knew it."
She shook her head, "Non, not exactly. Red is..." she swayed her hand, "How do you say..." she stumbled over the words, trying to find the right way to explain it to him. "She is Shalee."
"What? But Shalee is a grown up..."
"Yes but, when you see Red, you only see a part of Shalee. The part of her when she was very little, before all of her troubles, I think."
"How does that even work?"
"Well...we don't know, exactly. But you will only see her when Shalee is asleep. It's as if..." she swayed her hand again, "as if a part of her mind works it way through to the outside world. To her, I think it is like dreaming. But in her dreams she is a very young child. And instead of dreaming in here." She taps her fingertip to her temple, "Her implants have somehow allowed her to dream outside. She can go anywhere that is virtual, she just connects with her implants. Once she subconsciously learned how to do that, she started to access the holodrones. She goes any place with holo access."
"But why is it a secret? It seems like no one wants to talk about it."
Brystal sighed softly, "Oh, everyone has their own reasons for keeping it a secret, I suppose. Most don't want to tell her because since this has been happening, it's allowed her to talk about things with them that she wouldn't normally do when awake."
"And she doesn't even know she is doing this? It's a secret they keep from her too?"
She nodded. "I guess people are afraid of what she might do if she finds out."
The boy sighed, "So what should I do? Should I go?"
"Non. She brought you here for a reason, I suggest you stick around to find out why."
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Entry Eighty Six: Red's Party
Two nights ago...
"Darling, where are you?"
Shalee grinned as she heard the familiar voice of Omnicide Incarnate over her comm. Omni and she had been friends for a year or more, having met when she was a pilot in PIE inc. Though she had left the corporation she had kept in regular contact with many of the capsuleers who still flew under their banner, and since they were in the Amarrian militia together, she more often than not still flew with a majority of them.
"Uh.." She checked the system name with a yawn, "Hadozeko." Her plexing patrol with 1PG and PIE had taken her deep out into Minmatar space, "Why, what's up? Where are you?"
"Huola. I'll head your way....I have something for you."
"Oh?" she asked curiously. "Can't just contract it?"
"Nah. I'll bring it to you."
Intrigued, she set course for Huola, "Alright, I'll start heading towards you, meet you in the middle?"
"Roger that."
Four jumps or so she met Omni on a star gate as he jettisoned a can, "A gift, m'lady," he said charmingly.
"Mmmm thank you?" she said as she scooped the cargo container into her slicer. She scanned down the contents and started to giggle. "A corpse! You brought me a corpse!"
"Check the ID."
She gasped. "Missy Lorelai!"
She could hear the smile in his voice, "Your mortal enemy right?"
"Ah you know the way to my heart, Omni."
*****
Hours later, as Shalee lay sleeping on Amarr Prime, curled up beside her Minmatar lover, a holodrone activated in the Huola station.
Inside the Headquarters of the Knighthood, the holographic little girl skipped her way into the personal hangars, humming an eerie little tune to herself. Inquisitive blue eyes slanted from left to right as she searched for Moonlight, the Imperial Slicer Shalee had been flying on her patrols earlier.
After checking the cargo hold, she headed towards the coolers.
She shivered though she couldn't actually feel the chill in the air, then giggled. She liked to pretend.
Humming a new tune, she started to sing the rhyme, "One two Sansha's coming for you."
"Who is there?"
She gasped as she spun around, coming face to face with a boy in tattered clothes. Dirt smudged his face and he looked as if he hadn't bathed in weeks. She wrinkled up her nose as she looked him over, "Who are you to ask me who I am. Who are you? I don't think you're supposed to be in here," she said with an air of superiority.
"Neither should you, I bet. What are you anyhow, a ghost?"
She stomped her foot, "If I were a ghost I'd be running around trying to haunt you now wouldn't I! No, I'm no ghost you silly fool. Anyhow, what are you doing in here!"
"What are you doing in here?" he returned the question. "I was just looking ..." he said sheepishly as he dropped his head.
"At dead bodies?"
"...looking for my Dad."
"Oh...you think he is here?"
He shrugged, "I dunno. I've been looking for a while. Haven't found him yet...he was a salvager. Got shot down in this system, over in the astroids."
"Well if he was a capsuleer it doesn't matter if his body is here or not..."
"He wasn't a capsuleer."
She frowned. Sometimes dying really did mean being dead forever. "Oh. I see." She flicked her gaze to the line of coolers, staring at the corpses displayed like trophies along the wall.
"Anyhow, what are you doing here?" he asked.
She gave a little shrug, "I wanted to see Missy Lorelai."
"Who is that?"
"Only one of the most horrible terrorists in the Bleaks. Missy and Maarg Blood. We hate them." She started to walk down the corridor, her fingers nearly grazing across the frosted glass of the display cases. "Omnicide podded her tonight and now we have her body here." she said a bit smuggly.
"Who is Omnicide?" the boy asked as he followed her.
"Only one of the best pilots in the militia. And her friend. He is a capsuleer too."
"Her friend?"
"Shalee. This is her hangar."
"Oh. She is a capsuleer?"
"Yes. And she flies with all the best people," the little girl said with a tone of importance, going off to name several of her favorite pilots and FCs. "Anyhow. What is your name?"
"Jacke."
"Raphael calls me Red," she said in return.
"Nice to meet you Red."
"Where do you live?" she asked.
"...I stay here."
"Here? In this cooler?"
"No, but on the space station. Anywhere I can, really."
She frowned again, "Oh." So that was why he was so dirty. "Are you an orphan?"
He nodded.
She suddenly stopped walking and pointed to one of the corpses, "That is Laerise." She slanted her gaze to him, "She is mean, we don't like her. She pretends to be nice in front of her Admirals but when she is around other people she is a monster! They called her the dragon!"
Jacke chuckled. "She don't look so scary to me."
"Well, it's because you can't see her horns!" She held her index fingers to the top of her head and wiggled them about, pretending her horns were coming out. Red giggled, "Open the cooler and look!"
He hesitated, "I don't think we can. There is a security code."
"But I know the code!" She rattled off a series of numbers.
His brows lifted, "Uh..." He looked to the cooler again.
"Oh come on Jacke," she pouted. "Don't want to see a real life monster? Anyhow this one can't hurt you it's dead!" She stepped closer to the cooler and tipped her chin up to have a better look. "Please?"
"Well...I guess." He stepped over to her and entered the security code to open the door. As it slid open they were greeted with a rush of frigid cold air. They stepped inside.
"Get her down!"
"No! I'm not touching that! It's dead!"
"Stop being such a baby. You're older than me. And stronger too."
"Well you're not even real! Of course I'm stronger!" he retorted.
"Am too real!"
"Well, I mean you're not really here. Where are you anyhow?"
"Amarr Prime." She stepped closer to the corpse, "If you get her down we can have a party!"
"What? Are you crazy?"
"No. I just wanna play." She placed her hands on her hips. "And you have to play with me," she said in a bossy tone. "You can be my slave!"
"I'm not being no slave."
"But you're a Brutor right? So you have to be the slave. Anyhow, I will be your mistress and take care of you! But you have to do what I say." She looked at him imperiously. "So get her down so we can have the party!"
Jacke stared at her for a moment then gave a little sigh of resignation, the same little sound that so many adults had sighed as they have given into her outlandish requests. He pulled the corpse from the frosty tomb and brought it out into the corridor, dropping her to the floor with a thud.
Breathing heavily, he gave her a look that said, -now what-?
She grinned adorably and skipped off, moving over to another cooler. "Get him out! He is evil too. A very very bad man. He will be her date at the party!" She pointed to Garst Tyrell's corpse, then ran off to find two more bodies.
"Want me to get out Missy?" he asked as he followed dutifully behind her.
She shook her head thoughtfully, "No. Missy can't come to the party til we have her date, Maarg Blood."
"What about this one?" he randomly pointed to a corpse.
"No, that is Gangreli. He is very nice. We don't want good people to come!" She hesitated, thinking. "Or maybe we do. Let's get Aldrith! And Mitara!" She ran down the aisle, leading him to their containers.
Jacke pulled the pair of them out, sweating from the effort.
"Okay. Now we need stuff for the party." She named off several items that could be found in the offices nearby.
An hour later the party was set up, each corpse propped into a chair wearing strange bits of clothing they had found in some cargo containers in the main hangar, personal items looted from various wrecks.
Laerise wore a Gallentian pink feather dress. Garst wore the same thing. Mitara and Aldrith were dressed in matching tuxes, and all four wore party hats that they had made from scraps of paper.
An old Amarrian waltz played softly and she made Jacke dance with her, "Just watch me," she said, teaching him the steps.
The ten year old nodded and followed her movements, pretending to hold her ghostly hands.
She tipped her chin up and looked him in the eye, "Jacke?"
"Yes?"
"I want you to come live with us at Amarr Prime. We live in a big big house in the mountains and it is always snowing. And there's lots of people who live there and other people who come to visit!"
"But how will I get there?"
"In a spaceship of course."
"But I don't have any isk..." he said as his expression went somber. "I don't have anything at all."
"But you have me. All you have to do is come to Amarr. Anyhow I know people who fly the spaceships..." she said, her little face twisting up thoughtfully as she tried to figure out who she was going to ask to bring him there. Before she could say anything else, her hologram flickered.
Jacke looked at her, worried, "What's happening to you?"
"She is waking up. But don't worry, I'll come back for you."
She flickered again then disappeared completely.
***
Pain throbbed in the back of Shalee's head as she sat up in bed, rousing slowly from a dream that made no sense to her. Like all dreams, the macabre images of Garst and Laerise's corpses were already fading.
She rubbed her fingers through her hair, massaging her temples, wishing the headache away.
As she lay back in bed, she rolled over onto her side and looked at Eran as he slept, her thoughts drifting. Remembering. Tidbits of the dream flashed through her mind and she couldn't shake off the eerie sense of how real it felt.
Ever since Hadrien had died, she'd been having vivid nightmares and strange dreams, though mostly she never remembered them, not for very long anyhow. It was as if some part of her subconscious forced it away. She chalked it up to some sort of coping mechanism to help her with what she had done.
Not wanting to think about Hadrien, she snuggled closer to Eran and lay her head against his shoulder. Moments later she was drifting off asleep.
As soon as she cross the threshold into the land of dreams, a holodrone activated in their room, and a little girl tiptoed over to the bed, whispering, "Eran...wake up. I need you to go fly your spaceship..."
"Darling, where are you?"
Shalee grinned as she heard the familiar voice of Omnicide Incarnate over her comm. Omni and she had been friends for a year or more, having met when she was a pilot in PIE inc. Though she had left the corporation she had kept in regular contact with many of the capsuleers who still flew under their banner, and since they were in the Amarrian militia together, she more often than not still flew with a majority of them.
"Uh.." She checked the system name with a yawn, "Hadozeko." Her plexing patrol with 1PG and PIE had taken her deep out into Minmatar space, "Why, what's up? Where are you?"
"Huola. I'll head your way....I have something for you."
"Oh?" she asked curiously. "Can't just contract it?"
"Nah. I'll bring it to you."
Intrigued, she set course for Huola, "Alright, I'll start heading towards you, meet you in the middle?"
"Roger that."
Four jumps or so she met Omni on a star gate as he jettisoned a can, "A gift, m'lady," he said charmingly.
"Mmmm thank you?" she said as she scooped the cargo container into her slicer. She scanned down the contents and started to giggle. "A corpse! You brought me a corpse!"
"Check the ID."
She gasped. "Missy Lorelai!"
She could hear the smile in his voice, "Your mortal enemy right?"
"Ah you know the way to my heart, Omni."
*****
Hours later, as Shalee lay sleeping on Amarr Prime, curled up beside her Minmatar lover, a holodrone activated in the Huola station.
Inside the Headquarters of the Knighthood, the holographic little girl skipped her way into the personal hangars, humming an eerie little tune to herself. Inquisitive blue eyes slanted from left to right as she searched for Moonlight, the Imperial Slicer Shalee had been flying on her patrols earlier.
After checking the cargo hold, she headed towards the coolers.
She shivered though she couldn't actually feel the chill in the air, then giggled. She liked to pretend.
Humming a new tune, she started to sing the rhyme, "One two Sansha's coming for you."
"Who is there?"
She gasped as she spun around, coming face to face with a boy in tattered clothes. Dirt smudged his face and he looked as if he hadn't bathed in weeks. She wrinkled up her nose as she looked him over, "Who are you to ask me who I am. Who are you? I don't think you're supposed to be in here," she said with an air of superiority.
"Neither should you, I bet. What are you anyhow, a ghost?"
She stomped her foot, "If I were a ghost I'd be running around trying to haunt you now wouldn't I! No, I'm no ghost you silly fool. Anyhow, what are you doing in here!"
"What are you doing in here?" he returned the question. "I was just looking ..." he said sheepishly as he dropped his head.
"At dead bodies?"
"...looking for my Dad."
"Oh...you think he is here?"
He shrugged, "I dunno. I've been looking for a while. Haven't found him yet...he was a salvager. Got shot down in this system, over in the astroids."
"Well if he was a capsuleer it doesn't matter if his body is here or not..."
"He wasn't a capsuleer."
She frowned. Sometimes dying really did mean being dead forever. "Oh. I see." She flicked her gaze to the line of coolers, staring at the corpses displayed like trophies along the wall.
"Anyhow, what are you doing here?" he asked.
She gave a little shrug, "I wanted to see Missy Lorelai."
"Who is that?"
"Only one of the most horrible terrorists in the Bleaks. Missy and Maarg Blood. We hate them." She started to walk down the corridor, her fingers nearly grazing across the frosted glass of the display cases. "Omnicide podded her tonight and now we have her body here." she said a bit smuggly.
"Who is Omnicide?" the boy asked as he followed her.
"Only one of the best pilots in the militia. And her friend. He is a capsuleer too."
"Her friend?"
"Shalee. This is her hangar."
"Oh. She is a capsuleer?"
"Yes. And she flies with all the best people," the little girl said with a tone of importance, going off to name several of her favorite pilots and FCs. "Anyhow. What is your name?"
"Jacke."
"Raphael calls me Red," she said in return.
"Nice to meet you Red."
"Where do you live?" she asked.
"...I stay here."
"Here? In this cooler?"
"No, but on the space station. Anywhere I can, really."
She frowned again, "Oh." So that was why he was so dirty. "Are you an orphan?"
He nodded.
She suddenly stopped walking and pointed to one of the corpses, "That is Laerise." She slanted her gaze to him, "She is mean, we don't like her. She pretends to be nice in front of her Admirals but when she is around other people she is a monster! They called her the dragon!"
Jacke chuckled. "She don't look so scary to me."
"Well, it's because you can't see her horns!" She held her index fingers to the top of her head and wiggled them about, pretending her horns were coming out. Red giggled, "Open the cooler and look!"
He hesitated, "I don't think we can. There is a security code."
"But I know the code!" She rattled off a series of numbers.
His brows lifted, "Uh..." He looked to the cooler again.
"Oh come on Jacke," she pouted. "Don't want to see a real life monster? Anyhow this one can't hurt you it's dead!" She stepped closer to the cooler and tipped her chin up to have a better look. "Please?"
"Well...I guess." He stepped over to her and entered the security code to open the door. As it slid open they were greeted with a rush of frigid cold air. They stepped inside.
"Get her down!"
"No! I'm not touching that! It's dead!"
"Stop being such a baby. You're older than me. And stronger too."
"Well you're not even real! Of course I'm stronger!" he retorted.
"Am too real!"
"Well, I mean you're not really here. Where are you anyhow?"
"Amarr Prime." She stepped closer to the corpse, "If you get her down we can have a party!"
"What? Are you crazy?"
"No. I just wanna play." She placed her hands on her hips. "And you have to play with me," she said in a bossy tone. "You can be my slave!"
"I'm not being no slave."
"But you're a Brutor right? So you have to be the slave. Anyhow, I will be your mistress and take care of you! But you have to do what I say." She looked at him imperiously. "So get her down so we can have the party!"
Jacke stared at her for a moment then gave a little sigh of resignation, the same little sound that so many adults had sighed as they have given into her outlandish requests. He pulled the corpse from the frosty tomb and brought it out into the corridor, dropping her to the floor with a thud.
Breathing heavily, he gave her a look that said, -now what-?
She grinned adorably and skipped off, moving over to another cooler. "Get him out! He is evil too. A very very bad man. He will be her date at the party!" She pointed to Garst Tyrell's corpse, then ran off to find two more bodies.
"Want me to get out Missy?" he asked as he followed dutifully behind her.
She shook her head thoughtfully, "No. Missy can't come to the party til we have her date, Maarg Blood."
"What about this one?" he randomly pointed to a corpse.
"No, that is Gangreli. He is very nice. We don't want good people to come!" She hesitated, thinking. "Or maybe we do. Let's get Aldrith! And Mitara!" She ran down the aisle, leading him to their containers.
Jacke pulled the pair of them out, sweating from the effort.
"Okay. Now we need stuff for the party." She named off several items that could be found in the offices nearby.
An hour later the party was set up, each corpse propped into a chair wearing strange bits of clothing they had found in some cargo containers in the main hangar, personal items looted from various wrecks.
Laerise wore a Gallentian pink feather dress. Garst wore the same thing. Mitara and Aldrith were dressed in matching tuxes, and all four wore party hats that they had made from scraps of paper.
An old Amarrian waltz played softly and she made Jacke dance with her, "Just watch me," she said, teaching him the steps.
The ten year old nodded and followed her movements, pretending to hold her ghostly hands.
She tipped her chin up and looked him in the eye, "Jacke?"
"Yes?"
"I want you to come live with us at Amarr Prime. We live in a big big house in the mountains and it is always snowing. And there's lots of people who live there and other people who come to visit!"
"But how will I get there?"
"In a spaceship of course."
"But I don't have any isk..." he said as his expression went somber. "I don't have anything at all."
"But you have me. All you have to do is come to Amarr. Anyhow I know people who fly the spaceships..." she said, her little face twisting up thoughtfully as she tried to figure out who she was going to ask to bring him there. Before she could say anything else, her hologram flickered.
Jacke looked at her, worried, "What's happening to you?"
"She is waking up. But don't worry, I'll come back for you."
She flickered again then disappeared completely.
***
Pain throbbed in the back of Shalee's head as she sat up in bed, rousing slowly from a dream that made no sense to her. Like all dreams, the macabre images of Garst and Laerise's corpses were already fading.
She rubbed her fingers through her hair, massaging her temples, wishing the headache away.
As she lay back in bed, she rolled over onto her side and looked at Eran as he slept, her thoughts drifting. Remembering. Tidbits of the dream flashed through her mind and she couldn't shake off the eerie sense of how real it felt.
Ever since Hadrien had died, she'd been having vivid nightmares and strange dreams, though mostly she never remembered them, not for very long anyhow. It was as if some part of her subconscious forced it away. She chalked it up to some sort of coping mechanism to help her with what she had done.
Not wanting to think about Hadrien, she snuggled closer to Eran and lay her head against his shoulder. Moments later she was drifting off asleep.
As soon as she cross the threshold into the land of dreams, a holodrone activated in their room, and a little girl tiptoed over to the bed, whispering, "Eran...wake up. I need you to go fly your spaceship..."
Monday, June 7, 2010
Entry Eighty Five: Sansha
Shalee sat stretched out on a padded bench in the library of the Keep, scribbling in her new journal.
Outside the weather was unchanging. The evening sky was covered with a blanket of low hanging snow clouds.
Despite the dreary freezing weather outside, the library was warm due to twin fireplaces roaring on either side of the room.
Most of the books were still unpacked and lay scattered about in shipping crates. Shalee found the room inviting regardless of it's disarray.
***
I have a raging hangover.
I hadn't meant to drink quite so much, but after a while common sense goes out the window and having another drink seems like a good idea. I remember going to the Gate after patrols.
I was a bit upset, nothing major but...
I missed Eran.
He was off in null sec. He was leading his new alliance and would be gone for most of the day.
Perhaps days, depending on how well the op went.
So after a short patrol flying under Predator Elite with the militia, I took the rest of the night off and went over to the Last Gate. By the time I arrived I had one too many. And of course that didn't stop me. I kept drinking, chatting it up with some woman who seemed rather intriguing. I vaguely remember telling her that we would be the bestest of friends. You know, the usual droning on of an intoxicated person.
Turns out my new friend Ruby is a Sansha.
A goddamned Sansha.
Since the Sansha abductions began, our corporation has tirelessly fought against them, traveling all over the starmap to stand with allies and enemies alike to stop them. Sometimes we were successful, other times not. They managed to abduct millions.
Among those numbers, Seriphyn's wife and child.
So it's more than personal.
But in my drunken state of mind, I just let it go without protest. Talked to her anyhow.
Befriended her.
And then I came home to the Keep and told everybody about it. Esna, Hitome, Aldrith, Riso, and Morwen, I think. I just remember being so out of it, jabbering on about this and that, telling them about Ruby.
Not too long after that, Eran came home to the Keep and I remember telling him the same thing. And I remember he was so very angry.
"Are you crazy? You fucking get mad at me for pretending to be a Sansha and..."
I was devastated. I just...I hate to see him angry. Hate to disappoint him in anyway. But he had every right to be angry. I can't blame him for it, especially after I had him arrested when I mistakingly thought he was a Sansha loyalist.
It was a mistake, really. I had went through his comms, wrongly so, and found some correspondence between Eran and one of the Sansha's who were leading the attacks. Also there were letters between Eran and Ashar.
I assumed the worst. I still feel horrible about not trusting him when it mattered most. Come to find out, he wasn't betraying anyone but the Sansha. He was trying to infiltrate them. Aldrith knew of it. So did Ashar. They thought it best to keep me out of it so I wouldn't worry.
Her thoughts drifted back to that day several weeks ago...
****
Shalee entered into the main hall and paused by the door wearing a look of shock.
"What is wrong?" Vlad Cetes asked, glancing up from his chair by the fire.
She barely noticed him, her blue gaze scanned the room searching the faces. "Aldrith. I need Aldrith."
Vlad made his way over to her, "Lianne, Shutaq is not here."
Charles Raine joined Vlad, "Are you all right? You look faint.."
On the opposite side of the room, the entrance door was pushed open as Eran Mintor stepped inside. A flurry of snowflakes followed him in. He quickly closed it and dusted off the snow from his cloak before slipping it off and handing it over to a servant.
Shalee stood there, feeling as if she couldn't breathe. As if all the oxygen had suddenly been drained from the room. "I just..." She grabbed hold of the door.
Eran started over to the fire and paused as noticed the trio by the door. He made his way to Shalee, placing an arm on her shoulder, "What's wrong?"
Charles glanced between the two of them, "She looks faint. Commodore, perhaps you should sit..?" he slid a chair over in her direction.
Eran held her by the arms and slowly guided her towards the chair. He looked to the other two for explination before stooping down beside Shalee, "Tell us whats wrong..."
"I need Aldrith!" She said frantically as she shook her hands, motioning for him to back away. "No, dont."
Vlad had disappeared and returned a few moments later from the medical bay with a breathing mask. "Breathe," he instructed as he held it to her mouth. "It's oxygen." His voice was suprising soothing, "Shutaq is not here, what do you need?"
Charle's expression turned grim as he look between Shalee and Eran again, "What's going on, Shalee? Take slow, deep breaths.."
"Shalee...." Eran whispered a few feet from her, confused.
She cupped her hand across the mask, holding it to her mouth, inhaling deeply, trying to calm herself. Shalee looked to Charles, her gaze locked on his. She lowered the mask and inhaled a shakey breath, "Charles, call for the guards."
Eran looked confused and lost. Helplessly he took a few more steps towards her with his arms outreached, "...will you sit down and talk with me? What happened in the past half hour that's frightened you so..." His gaze shifted to Charles, "What happened?"
Charles looked to Eran but said nothing, instead he shouted out, "GUARDS! All of you!"
Eran frowned again and turned to Shalee, "And who are you calling the guards on?"
Esna Pitoojee entered in just as the guards went running. He studied them curiously as he slipped off his heavy outerwear robe, "What in the...?"
"Shalee...will you talk with me?" Eran looked desperately at her, "Please?"
She shook her head, "No!" She scrambled to her feet, "I can't believe I fell for you, I can't believe I loved you, oh god." She paced as she waited for the guards. "How could betray me like this? Why? Because I loved you? Were you laughing the whole goddamned time! Whats wrong with you, Eran?"
Eran dropped his mouth open, unsure what to say. He looked at her helplessly. "Betray you? What did I do...."
Esna blinked, "What, the... " He started over to the group, his face a mix of confusion and concern.
As the Kamerians gathered around her, she pointed to Eran, "Handcuff that man."
Eran watched in disbelief as the guards surrounded him. He crossed his arms and grumbled to himself. "You can try...." He said to one of the Kamerians who stepped closer. He looked to Shalee again, "Fuck, I can't believe you're calling the guards on me. Why didn't you just tell me to stay away...."
Esna Pitoojee stepped closer, the look of worry growing deeper "What is happening here?"
"This man is a traitor." She looked at Esna, her face pale with grief, " A goddamned spy, a Sansha loyalists!"
Eran growled as another guard approcahed. He threw his arm in the air as they reached for it and he pushed the guard back into the others. Eventually the guards pile ontop him as he tried to fight them off but failed under the sheer numbers.
"Is there evidence?" Esna asked, frowning.
"Yes!"
Charles gritted his teeth, looking to Eran. "Sansha?!"
"Letters. And Ashar is one too!" she shouted, furious.
"What?!" Eran exclaimed.
"Let us see it then," Vlad tried to reason.
"You don't know the half of it!" Eran yelled out as he was dragged away from the main hall.
"They are plotting together. I've read everything!"
"No! That's not true!" Eran yelled out just as the doors were closing.
Esna Pitoojee glanced to Charles, "I'd recommend we all withhold judgement until evidence is reviewed... Especially on a matter as serious as this."
Shalee Lianne read in an hysterical voice from her comm where she had forwarded the mails from his comm to hers, "Tell me oh Master Kuvakei, may I prove my value before The Great Sansha Nation? I crave The Promised Land! These capsuleers are organizing against you! I can stop them, if you tell me. I can mis-lead; or do you need my body most?"
Esna shook his head "Individual excerpts are useless... is this all the evidence you have?"
"I have all the letters back and forth, Esna."
"Perhaps there is more to it, like Eran said.." Charles rubbed his temples. "Perhaps he was trying to infiltrate them?"
"And why wouldn't he tell me that!"
Esna nodded, "If at all possible, I'd like to see all of them. Then I'll see about contacting everyone else involved."
"Perhaps he wished to protect you, Shalee. I know I would." Charles said.
She went quiet and stood very still as realization slid across her face. Any of them could be a Sansha loyalist and she not know it.
Esna recognized the sudden doubt upon her face and nodded, "I'll open my comms to you if you show me the information you do have. I have no reason to fear anything you might see."
"You should sit. Calm yourself. Breathe deeply." Charles guides her over to a chair again.
"...but Ashar too. Oh god. I don't know who to trust anymore.....I don't know what to do."
Outside the weather was unchanging. The evening sky was covered with a blanket of low hanging snow clouds.
Despite the dreary freezing weather outside, the library was warm due to twin fireplaces roaring on either side of the room.
Most of the books were still unpacked and lay scattered about in shipping crates. Shalee found the room inviting regardless of it's disarray.
***
I have a raging hangover.
I hadn't meant to drink quite so much, but after a while common sense goes out the window and having another drink seems like a good idea. I remember going to the Gate after patrols.
I was a bit upset, nothing major but...
I missed Eran.
He was off in null sec. He was leading his new alliance and would be gone for most of the day.
Perhaps days, depending on how well the op went.
So after a short patrol flying under Predator Elite with the militia, I took the rest of the night off and went over to the Last Gate. By the time I arrived I had one too many. And of course that didn't stop me. I kept drinking, chatting it up with some woman who seemed rather intriguing. I vaguely remember telling her that we would be the bestest of friends. You know, the usual droning on of an intoxicated person.
Turns out my new friend Ruby is a Sansha.
A goddamned Sansha.
Since the Sansha abductions began, our corporation has tirelessly fought against them, traveling all over the starmap to stand with allies and enemies alike to stop them. Sometimes we were successful, other times not. They managed to abduct millions.
Among those numbers, Seriphyn's wife and child.
So it's more than personal.
But in my drunken state of mind, I just let it go without protest. Talked to her anyhow.
Befriended her.
And then I came home to the Keep and told everybody about it. Esna, Hitome, Aldrith, Riso, and Morwen, I think. I just remember being so out of it, jabbering on about this and that, telling them about Ruby.
Not too long after that, Eran came home to the Keep and I remember telling him the same thing. And I remember he was so very angry.
"Are you crazy? You fucking get mad at me for pretending to be a Sansha and..."
I was devastated. I just...I hate to see him angry. Hate to disappoint him in anyway. But he had every right to be angry. I can't blame him for it, especially after I had him arrested when I mistakingly thought he was a Sansha loyalist.
It was a mistake, really. I had went through his comms, wrongly so, and found some correspondence between Eran and one of the Sansha's who were leading the attacks. Also there were letters between Eran and Ashar.
I assumed the worst. I still feel horrible about not trusting him when it mattered most. Come to find out, he wasn't betraying anyone but the Sansha. He was trying to infiltrate them. Aldrith knew of it. So did Ashar. They thought it best to keep me out of it so I wouldn't worry.
Her thoughts drifted back to that day several weeks ago...
****
Shalee entered into the main hall and paused by the door wearing a look of shock.
"What is wrong?" Vlad Cetes asked, glancing up from his chair by the fire.
She barely noticed him, her blue gaze scanned the room searching the faces. "Aldrith. I need Aldrith."
Vlad made his way over to her, "Lianne, Shutaq is not here."
Charles Raine joined Vlad, "Are you all right? You look faint.."
On the opposite side of the room, the entrance door was pushed open as Eran Mintor stepped inside. A flurry of snowflakes followed him in. He quickly closed it and dusted off the snow from his cloak before slipping it off and handing it over to a servant.
Shalee stood there, feeling as if she couldn't breathe. As if all the oxygen had suddenly been drained from the room. "I just..." She grabbed hold of the door.
Eran started over to the fire and paused as noticed the trio by the door. He made his way to Shalee, placing an arm on her shoulder, "What's wrong?"
Charles glanced between the two of them, "She looks faint. Commodore, perhaps you should sit..?" he slid a chair over in her direction.
Eran held her by the arms and slowly guided her towards the chair. He looked to the other two for explination before stooping down beside Shalee, "Tell us whats wrong..."
"I need Aldrith!" She said frantically as she shook her hands, motioning for him to back away. "No, dont."
Vlad had disappeared and returned a few moments later from the medical bay with a breathing mask. "Breathe," he instructed as he held it to her mouth. "It's oxygen." His voice was suprising soothing, "Shutaq is not here, what do you need?"
Charle's expression turned grim as he look between Shalee and Eran again, "What's going on, Shalee? Take slow, deep breaths.."
"Shalee...." Eran whispered a few feet from her, confused.
She cupped her hand across the mask, holding it to her mouth, inhaling deeply, trying to calm herself. Shalee looked to Charles, her gaze locked on his. She lowered the mask and inhaled a shakey breath, "Charles, call for the guards."
Eran looked confused and lost. Helplessly he took a few more steps towards her with his arms outreached, "...will you sit down and talk with me? What happened in the past half hour that's frightened you so..." His gaze shifted to Charles, "What happened?"
Charles looked to Eran but said nothing, instead he shouted out, "GUARDS! All of you!"
Eran frowned again and turned to Shalee, "And who are you calling the guards on?"
Esna Pitoojee entered in just as the guards went running. He studied them curiously as he slipped off his heavy outerwear robe, "What in the...?"
"Shalee...will you talk with me?" Eran looked desperately at her, "Please?"
She shook her head, "No!" She scrambled to her feet, "I can't believe I fell for you, I can't believe I loved you, oh god." She paced as she waited for the guards. "How could betray me like this? Why? Because I loved you? Were you laughing the whole goddamned time! Whats wrong with you, Eran?"
Eran dropped his mouth open, unsure what to say. He looked at her helplessly. "Betray you? What did I do...."
Esna blinked, "What, the... " He started over to the group, his face a mix of confusion and concern.
As the Kamerians gathered around her, she pointed to Eran, "Handcuff that man."
Eran watched in disbelief as the guards surrounded him. He crossed his arms and grumbled to himself. "You can try...." He said to one of the Kamerians who stepped closer. He looked to Shalee again, "Fuck, I can't believe you're calling the guards on me. Why didn't you just tell me to stay away...."
Esna Pitoojee stepped closer, the look of worry growing deeper "What is happening here?"
"This man is a traitor." She looked at Esna, her face pale with grief, " A goddamned spy, a Sansha loyalists!"
Eran growled as another guard approcahed. He threw his arm in the air as they reached for it and he pushed the guard back into the others. Eventually the guards pile ontop him as he tried to fight them off but failed under the sheer numbers.
"Is there evidence?" Esna asked, frowning.
"Yes!"
Charles gritted his teeth, looking to Eran. "Sansha?!"
"Letters. And Ashar is one too!" she shouted, furious.
"What?!" Eran exclaimed.
"Let us see it then," Vlad tried to reason.
"You don't know the half of it!" Eran yelled out as he was dragged away from the main hall.
"They are plotting together. I've read everything!"
"No! That's not true!" Eran yelled out just as the doors were closing.
Esna Pitoojee glanced to Charles, "I'd recommend we all withhold judgement until evidence is reviewed... Especially on a matter as serious as this."
Shalee Lianne read in an hysterical voice from her comm where she had forwarded the mails from his comm to hers, "Tell me oh Master Kuvakei, may I prove my value before The Great Sansha Nation? I crave The Promised Land! These capsuleers are organizing against you! I can stop them, if you tell me. I can mis-lead; or do you need my body most?"
Esna shook his head "Individual excerpts are useless... is this all the evidence you have?"
"I have all the letters back and forth, Esna."
"Perhaps there is more to it, like Eran said.." Charles rubbed his temples. "Perhaps he was trying to infiltrate them?"
"And why wouldn't he tell me that!"
Esna nodded, "If at all possible, I'd like to see all of them. Then I'll see about contacting everyone else involved."
"Perhaps he wished to protect you, Shalee. I know I would." Charles said.
She went quiet and stood very still as realization slid across her face. Any of them could be a Sansha loyalist and she not know it.
Esna recognized the sudden doubt upon her face and nodded, "I'll open my comms to you if you show me the information you do have. I have no reason to fear anything you might see."
"You should sit. Calm yourself. Breathe deeply." Charles guides her over to a chair again.
"...but Ashar too. Oh god. I don't know who to trust anymore.....I don't know what to do."
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Entry Eighty Four: After the fall
Snowflakes fell just beyond her window, dotting the night sky with a sudden splash of white. Yawning, she watched the snow as she settled back on the oversized chair, her thoughts drifting.
Though Arzad had fallen a mere two months ago, it seemed much longer. So much had happened in such a short time, it was hard to remember how her life had been before she had met the infamous Minmatar General.
An assignment she had ended up falling in love with.
A sworn enemy, a man who had fought tirelessly to 'liberate' Arzad from the Amarr, only to step away from the fight after it had fallen. Granted, he hadn't left the minmatar milita, but he did step away from his patrols.
When he should have been spending his time in military plexes, he spent his time following her around. It went unnoticed when she had been doing solo patrols, though it had become difficult to hide when she was with others. She had tried to send him away but it hadn't worked. She told him she needed time to think, hoping he would realize how much he belonged with her and would make the decision to leave the Minmatar and be with her.
Instead, he just found her on the warfront again, doing anything he could to be close to her, even if it meant warping into a squad of Amarrian pilots while in a military compound.
He had locked and jammed the other pilots, leaving her untouched.
She shuddered as she remembered the FC's orders to take him down.
She had followed orders and shot him.
That same night she sent him a tearful letter.
Dear Eran,
I know that we said we would take time apart, but that seems impossible when we cross paths on the battlefield. I know you must hate me for shooting at you, I know you probably think I wouldn't do it, that I couldn't....and definately if I were alone I wouldn't have.
But orders are orders and duty is duty and I have devoted my life to this cause.
It means everything to me and nothing at all to you.
I see that now.
It's very clear, it's all so very clear now.
I can't do this.
I can't love you and be at war with you. I can't give myself to you and have you take from the Amarrian people.
You are an enemy. To my people, to my breathren who fly under the same colors as I ..and to me.
Eran, this is impossible.
I can't be in that position again. To have you under my guns with my FC screaming at me to take you down.
Tonight made me realize that I can't ...can't. Can't be in love with you anymore.
I have to let you go.
You are a soldier of war, a great General for your people and that means something to you.
I fight for this cause, have devoted myself to it and that means something to me.
Maybe some day after this war is nothing but a story in a history book, maybe we will cross paths again.
Until then,
Shalee
Shalee,
I've been sitting in my apartment for the past three hours trying to figure out what to say to you. I know the words I offer aren't much in the way of comfort, and I wish we were together right now.
Please, don't give up on us...this isn't impossible, this is REAL. My feelings are real, and it didn't take me but two minutes after you were gone to realize it.
I don't blame you for firing on me; honestly I shouldn't have been there in the first place... and neither should the Minmatar in that system. I realize this...I knew what your orders would be.... I knew what would happen.
I knew warping in there was suicide; I would be unable to fend off one of you, let alone four...I don't know what I was thinking other than I just needed to be around you for a minute or two.
I'm sorry... sorry I had to push you to do something you didn't want to do...I'm sorry for letting you walk out my apartment two days ago, when I knew...I knew it wouldn't matter how long we were apart...
Love, Eran
She had lasted all of two days before finding him at Soft River, a tavern he owned and lived above in a loft. She had waited for him, only to find him returning on the arms of his ex, Sophie Starsparrow and her friend, Cynn. The pair had brought him back from a long night of hard drinking.
Shalee had been beyond furious. Calling upon an air of Amarrian arrogance she rarely showed, she traded sharp words with the two Minmatar females and sent them on their way, almost daring them to start something with her.
A few short weeks later Eran defected to the Amarrian Militia after a soul searching trip to the Vol'shun on Arzad eight.
Her gaze slanted to Eran as he lay sleeping in the bed. Their bed. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and longed to go to him, to wake him and have him wrap his arms around her. Instead, she let him sleep as she pulled open a journal she had bought in the town behind the Keep, she started to scribble..
***
Since becoming a capsuleer I've kept some sort of log when I could, mostly a video feed, but theres just something therapeutic about writing by hand.
Last night Karmilla Strife had dropped by the Keep, a former comrade of mine from PIE. Earlier in the night we had done a short patrol together in Iesa, and I had invited her over after we had finished.
She was musing on her life, the choices she's made, the things yet to do. Granted we didn't have a whole lot of time to talk but after she left, it got me thinking. I know that Eran is going to leave, I know he is going to null sec at some point...
But I don't care anymore. As long as he can find a way to come back to me, I will marry him.
I told him last night he should buy me a ring. He was suprised, of course. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so bold or forward...but I don't want to lose him. I just want to be with him.
Tomorrow we will go look at apartments, both in Huola and Kour, something close to the warfront, though in my heart our home will always be here in the turret of the Keep.
Theres a lot to figure out before we can actually be married, mainly how to annul my marriage with Charles Raine. It's not like it is a real marriage, one that I had any choice in. It was arranged by our parents when we were very small. I barely knew him. And when I had run away from my old life, I figured he would have had it annuled.
...but he has not.
Instead, he has joined the Knighthood and flies beside me. Lives at the Keep. It is a strange thing sometimes, to sit between the two by the fire, married to one, a lover to the other.
Most residents of the Keep and those who visit frequently have grown accustomed to the delicate situation, though sometimes we will have a new guest give us an odd look.
Both have been exceedingly polite about the whole thing. Eran is sympathetic to Charles, and Charles has been nothing but the epitome of kindness to Eran.
If only the rest of New Eden could get along so well...
Though Arzad had fallen a mere two months ago, it seemed much longer. So much had happened in such a short time, it was hard to remember how her life had been before she had met the infamous Minmatar General.
An assignment she had ended up falling in love with.
A sworn enemy, a man who had fought tirelessly to 'liberate' Arzad from the Amarr, only to step away from the fight after it had fallen. Granted, he hadn't left the minmatar milita, but he did step away from his patrols.
When he should have been spending his time in military plexes, he spent his time following her around. It went unnoticed when she had been doing solo patrols, though it had become difficult to hide when she was with others. She had tried to send him away but it hadn't worked. She told him she needed time to think, hoping he would realize how much he belonged with her and would make the decision to leave the Minmatar and be with her.
Instead, he just found her on the warfront again, doing anything he could to be close to her, even if it meant warping into a squad of Amarrian pilots while in a military compound.
He had locked and jammed the other pilots, leaving her untouched.
She shuddered as she remembered the FC's orders to take him down.
She had followed orders and shot him.
That same night she sent him a tearful letter.
Dear Eran,
I know that we said we would take time apart, but that seems impossible when we cross paths on the battlefield. I know you must hate me for shooting at you, I know you probably think I wouldn't do it, that I couldn't....and definately if I were alone I wouldn't have.
But orders are orders and duty is duty and I have devoted my life to this cause.
It means everything to me and nothing at all to you.
I see that now.
It's very clear, it's all so very clear now.
I can't do this.
I can't love you and be at war with you. I can't give myself to you and have you take from the Amarrian people.
You are an enemy. To my people, to my breathren who fly under the same colors as I ..and to me.
Eran, this is impossible.
I can't be in that position again. To have you under my guns with my FC screaming at me to take you down.
Tonight made me realize that I can't ...can't. Can't be in love with you anymore.
I have to let you go.
You are a soldier of war, a great General for your people and that means something to you.
I fight for this cause, have devoted myself to it and that means something to me.
Maybe some day after this war is nothing but a story in a history book, maybe we will cross paths again.
Until then,
Shalee
Shalee,
I've been sitting in my apartment for the past three hours trying to figure out what to say to you. I know the words I offer aren't much in the way of comfort, and I wish we were together right now.
Please, don't give up on us...this isn't impossible, this is REAL. My feelings are real, and it didn't take me but two minutes after you were gone to realize it.
I don't blame you for firing on me; honestly I shouldn't have been there in the first place... and neither should the Minmatar in that system. I realize this...I knew what your orders would be.... I knew what would happen.
I knew warping in there was suicide; I would be unable to fend off one of you, let alone four...I don't know what I was thinking other than I just needed to be around you for a minute or two.
I'm sorry... sorry I had to push you to do something you didn't want to do...I'm sorry for letting you walk out my apartment two days ago, when I knew...I knew it wouldn't matter how long we were apart...
Love, Eran
She had lasted all of two days before finding him at Soft River, a tavern he owned and lived above in a loft. She had waited for him, only to find him returning on the arms of his ex, Sophie Starsparrow and her friend, Cynn. The pair had brought him back from a long night of hard drinking.
Shalee had been beyond furious. Calling upon an air of Amarrian arrogance she rarely showed, she traded sharp words with the two Minmatar females and sent them on their way, almost daring them to start something with her.
A few short weeks later Eran defected to the Amarrian Militia after a soul searching trip to the Vol'shun on Arzad eight.
Her gaze slanted to Eran as he lay sleeping in the bed. Their bed. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest and longed to go to him, to wake him and have him wrap his arms around her. Instead, she let him sleep as she pulled open a journal she had bought in the town behind the Keep, she started to scribble..
***
Since becoming a capsuleer I've kept some sort of log when I could, mostly a video feed, but theres just something therapeutic about writing by hand.
Last night Karmilla Strife had dropped by the Keep, a former comrade of mine from PIE. Earlier in the night we had done a short patrol together in Iesa, and I had invited her over after we had finished.
She was musing on her life, the choices she's made, the things yet to do. Granted we didn't have a whole lot of time to talk but after she left, it got me thinking. I know that Eran is going to leave, I know he is going to null sec at some point...
But I don't care anymore. As long as he can find a way to come back to me, I will marry him.
I told him last night he should buy me a ring. He was suprised, of course. Perhaps I shouldn't have been so bold or forward...but I don't want to lose him. I just want to be with him.
Tomorrow we will go look at apartments, both in Huola and Kour, something close to the warfront, though in my heart our home will always be here in the turret of the Keep.
Theres a lot to figure out before we can actually be married, mainly how to annul my marriage with Charles Raine. It's not like it is a real marriage, one that I had any choice in. It was arranged by our parents when we were very small. I barely knew him. And when I had run away from my old life, I figured he would have had it annuled.
...but he has not.
Instead, he has joined the Knighthood and flies beside me. Lives at the Keep. It is a strange thing sometimes, to sit between the two by the fire, married to one, a lover to the other.
Most residents of the Keep and those who visit frequently have grown accustomed to the delicate situation, though sometimes we will have a new guest give us an odd look.
Both have been exceedingly polite about the whole thing. Eran is sympathetic to Charles, and Charles has been nothing but the epitome of kindness to Eran.
If only the rest of New Eden could get along so well...
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Eighty Three: We all fall down
The Fall of Arzad, 112
"Shalee...."
"Dont."
Eran opened his arms, "Shalee....please....can we talk?"
She ignored him as she moved to her door, placing her hand against the palm scanner. "There's nothing left to say."
"...But....you saw this coming didn't you? You knew what I was doing." He lightly grabbed her arm, "Please, can't we sit for a minute? If you never want to see me again....I can understand....just...."
She continued to ignore him as the door slid open. Realizing he wasn't going to let her go, she suddenly jerked her head towards him, chin jutted up stubbornly, eyes lit with anger, "Just WHAT?"
"Give me a chance to ask for your forgiveness." He sighed, dropping his head.
"Forgive you?" she asked incrediously.
"Arzad means a lot to me but you mean much more."
"Forgiveness after the fact? Forgiveness after you took Arzad? You don't even give a goddamn about it really, you're leaving anyhow."
He looked at her hoplessly, "I"m sorry Shalee....I..." He frowned.
"Stop. Stop saying that. You're not sorry at all."
"I do care about it. Just like I care about you. Arzad means a lot to me; it is the home of my people. I am sorry, Shalee....I'm sorry I have to fight you like this, I'm sorry Arzad had to fall, I'm sorry you moved there, I'm sorry you met me."
"You just fought for a system that you're going to abandon."
"I don't want to hurt you, Shalee, I don't."
"You can say anything you want but that doesn't change anything at all. You're still the enemy."
"I'm leaving the militia; doesn't mea-..."
"You still fight my people. You took our system. You lead them to a goddamned victory! And you want me to forgive you!"
His jaw clenched as a look of guilt flashed across his face.
She dropped her voice to a mere whisper, "You love me. But you don't love me enough."
"What? I don't love you enough....? How do you figure? Yes, I could try to justify it, but I won't. There's no need to point fingers Shalee, it's not like your hands are exactly clean in this either."
She scoffed. "Forget it. It doesn't matter. None of it matters, does it? Just leave."
He dropped his hand from her arm. "It matters to me. I know nothing I say will make it better, nothing I can do will change."
A group of drunken Minmatar station workers rounded the corner, singing a bawdy song. Obviously celebrating the liberation of Arzad. Shalee fell silent until they passed, staring at the ground. "You're the hero of the hour. General Mintor. Savior of Arzad. Why are you even here? Why aren't you out there celebrating? With your people."
"Because I'm not in a celebratory mood, especially knowing you are likely to never speak to me again, knowing that this is my only chance to make amends...I am...unprepared."
She sighed softly as she stepped into the apartment, "You should know how this feels. You've lost territory before. You should understand the god-awful feeling of utter hopelessness. But you never had to feel that knowing, knowing that it came at the hands of someone who said they loved you."
He winced as if her words struck him hard. "I know. I'm a coward, a hypocrite."
She looked away as hot angry tears splashed down her face suddenly. "I'm such a fool. If any of my commrades knew I was here.... knew I was with you instead of out there on the battlefield all of those nights. In love with the one who would take Arzad." She choked on a sob, "Oh god. What have I done?"
".....I didn't mean to betray you like this Shalee." His voice was desperate, "Don't blame yourself, please. I am the one who approached you, who used all the tricks to get close to you."
She paled as a dreadful sick feeling took hold in the pit of her stomach. She felt nausated. "Oh god...you used me...?"
He grabbed her arm more aggressively, "No! I didn't mean it like that."
She tried to jerk away as her heart raced, her head dizzy with the thoughts of him using her. "Of course you did!" Silent tears streaked her cheeks. "Was it all a ruse then? To get close to the enemy, for intel? What did you want from me?" Have you used me like I've used you? Was I your assignment too?
"I didn't use you Shalee! I truly love you! Don't you understand?"
She shook her head furiously, "No I dont understand anything at all."
He released her arm, "I never meant to hurt you. I only meant to love you. I know I can't shed blame for my actions, I know I have hurt you. I truly am sorry." He stared intently at her, "I don't know what else to say....I...."
She placed her trembling hands over her tear stained face, swiping away the tears. "This is all wrong, everything is wrong. I can't do this anymore."
"Believe me or not, you are more important than any material thing. Everyday I dream of you, day and night. I can't ignore my feelings for you. You have every right to turn me out for what I've done. I feel disgusting, like a bird with clipped wings." He kissed the back of her hands as he pulled them from her face. "Shalee look at me please," he said desperately.
"Eran..."
"I am sorry for what I've done, for who I am. I should never have asked you to get involved with me, you deserve so much better."
"Please Eran don't lie."
"I'm not!"
"Did you approach me because I was a target? Were you sent to distract me?"
"No! I went after you out of my own desire, my own loneliness. If you want to think I used you to fill that gap, then yes, I did." He looked her in the eyes, "...and you fit perfectly."
She said nothing.
"I guess....I'll leave you in peace" He hung his head. "Thank you for hearing me out."
She rubbed her hands slowly across her face, "What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing...I just wanted to talk to you. What I wanted to hear is....just a part of my dreams."
"Say it."
He shook his head and sighed, "I wanted to hear you say you loved me and you understood I was doing what I thought was right....but how could you after what I've done. I'm terrible."
She bit on her bottom lip as fresh new tears trickled down her cheeks. "I do love you." Her face flushed with anger, "And I hate that I do."
His eyes locked onto hers, jaw tensed. A single tear slid down his face.
"I hate it so much, so goddamned much. I hate that you consume me. That I think about you all the time, that I want to be with you."
"You...you do? What can I do to make you not hate it?"
"Don't."
"What?"
"You already know and I wont ever say those words again. You are not going to be the man I wanted you to be. Your destiny is not with me."
"You don't know what our destiny is." He took hold of one of her hands, putting his other hand ontop of it, "You know as well as I that the future is uncertain. I wasn't lying that I said I will try everything in my power to make it so we can be together, without me having to kill or betray anyone."
She jerked her hand away. "No. Don't."
He looked at his boots.
"I don't want that. I am going to be in this war til it is over. Til every last system is reclaimed."
"Why?"
"Because it matters to me."
"What matters to me is you. If I didn't fear God and the consequences of my actions, I would leave the Minmatar in a heartbeat to spend the rest of my years with you. The only reason I even started this damn campaign was out of a desire to end it! Why do you think I'm leaving? It's not because I don't care about Arzad, or the Minmatar. I can't stand this fucking conflict anymore! And now...." He shook his head and waved his hand dismissively, "Forget it, I'm making everything worse. That's all I'm good at...."
"I'm sorry. You want me to ease your conscience and I cannot. You hurt me today."
"I know...."
"It wasn't even personal for you. You're leaving anyhow."
"...I should leave."
"You should have left before it fell."
"What? And insult all the crew who fought so hard and died for it? It was personal. There was no way I would devote thousands of lives, millions of ISK, and hundreds of hours to a conflict that doesn't mean something to me." He sighed, "I'll leave you now."
She stormed to the door and pulled it open, "Fine! Just leave!" She balled her hands up into fists and angrily shoved them at him. "Get out!"
He looked at her for one last gaze, his face red and swollen, his eyes somber. "God....what have I done?"
She stared desperately at him, face flushed, streaked with tears.
He slowly extended a hand to her cheek, wiping away curls that had stuck to her face from the salty substance. "You're so beautiful."
She closed her eyes as his hand brushed across her cheek, savoring the touch. So much of her still hated him but that tiny part that had obsessed over him the last week or so won over in that moment. And instead of slapping his hand away, she leaned into it with a soft little sound of resignation, knowing that she couldn't really and truely hate him.
As if sensing the opportunity, he reached up with his other hand and pulled her into an embrace. "I love you." He dropped to his knees, head against her stomach, arms wrapped around her, "Shalee, I was so afraid. You truly do not understand what you mean to me, you are my hopes manifested."
She wrapped her hands around his head, fingers combing through his hair, saying the words that he longed to hear. Words to ease his guilt. "You did what you thought you had to do."
He frowned as he stood up, facing her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, "Whatever ill I've done to you. Whatever harm I've caused, I truly regret it."
"It's just....in the end. It is as the begining. We are enemies." She said in a heartbroken voice.
"Not for long...."
"You don't get it do you? The damage is done. Even if you walk away from the militia, so what? I'll still be here, trying to undo what you've done."
He nodded, "I understand. I wish I could give these sytems back without having to turn a blind eye to murder of my kin..."
She fell silent.
"But it doesn't matter what I wish for, if I cant." He sighed heavily, "The damage is done. I have wronged you. I have caused your people anguish and grief. I am powerless now." He grimmaced.
She shook her head, silent.
He stared at her, his mouth open like he wanted to say everything he knew to soothe her. "What next?" He looked nervous, as if his legs were going to give out, "C-can we sit down?"
She threaded her fingers through her long hair as she took a step away from him. "Yes." She moved past him and closed the door, locking it, then motioned him over to a sofa, one that had an panoramic view of space.
He stiffly maked his way to the sofa, creaking as his knees bent to sit.
She forced her voice to be even, emotionless. "Can I get you something?" She lowered herself onto one end of the sofa. "A drink...are you hungry?"
"This is a very nice place...amazing view." He looked over to her, "No thank you." He folded his hands in his lap, his back slouched and bent.
She quickly brushed her fingers across her face, swiping away a random tear. "Are you sure? I can get you anything you want, really." Her voice was eerily calm despite her raging emotions. "The station has all kinds of places that deliver." So many things ran through her mind at once. Are we really doing this? Are we talking about the view and food? You broke my heart Eran, I didn't even know I loved you, really and truely loved you, til now. Tonight. When it's all too late. It started as an assignment, a game, but now it is real. I love you.
Eran spoke with a distant stare at the floor between them "No, thank you Shalee. You are very kind but I should not burden you any more with my requests." He blinked and looked up, back out at the stars, "....I often wish I was still just six years old back on Eram. No worry, no guilt. What am I turning my life into?" He whispered absently.
She stood suddenly, "Well. I need a drink." She moved over to the minibar and mixed herself a drink in a very large glass, more alcohol than anything.
"Is it okay if I smoke in here?"
"Yeah"
"Thanks." He pulled out a slender hand-rolled cigarette. He lit it and inhaled slowly, pressing his back into the sofa. Eran's eyes closed and he seemed to relax, the most tranquil he'd been all night, though only for a moment. He couldn't brush off that look on her face, a mixture of despise, betrayal, and misery.
She winced as she suddenly heard his voice coming from the other room. The gal-net played softly in the background, his speech over conquering Arzad was being played on the local news.
"Today marks a milestone; As Minmatar and as humans, we have struggled to follow the path before us. Many Minmatar curse God for not stopping the Amarrian's evil practices, or not birthing us into the freedoms some think we all deserve; Many go as far to say He is not reality...but the reality is we are not the All-Knowing, and we know not why things happen...Well, today is a blessing; something to be grateful for as we all are. We have been tested and tried but prevailed. This is not only a victory for the Starkmanir and the Minmatar militia, but for all Minmatar. Finally, the future is looking brighter; it seems our dreams may be realized and our prayers answered..."
He cringed, "Can you turn that off? I don't want to hear my deluded self spout off."
She gave a curt little nod, "Yeah." She turned it off via remote, then settled onto the sofa, sipping on her drink. It was going to be a long night and she hoped to get completely drunk.
He rolled his head on the back of the sofa, sighing with misery. His face adopted a stern scowl, mentally cursing himself as he took another drag from his herbal stick.
Shalee took a long sip from her glass then laid the side of her head against the sofa, looking at him absently. The air unit kicked on and blew a gust of cool air against her flushed face. Suddenly she was chilled. Miserable. She stretched a hand out as if to ask for his cigarette.
He looked in her eyes, his face soft as he handed it over.
She took it from him and brought it to her lips, inhaling the fragrant smoke, holding it in her mouth a few seconds before exhaling. She handed it back to him.
He absent mindedly took hold of the cigarette by the cherry, his gaze still locked on her. The cigarette died in his fingers.
"Eran?!"
He dumped what was left of it into the ashtray nearby, then rubbed his fingers together. "Shalee. I never expected you to let me see you. Thank you."
She glanced to his hand, "It's okay." Resignation slid across her face. She couldn't fight it anymore, couldn't fight him anymore, couldn't hate him. She wanted to be with him, at least in this moment. She moved over to him, closing the distance between them. "I really am New Eden's biggest fool."
Suprise flashed across his face as she neared him. He took advantage of the moment by wrapping his arms around her. "No, you are New Eden's most merciful and lovely human being."
She sat her glass on the floor, then climbed into his lap. She placed her fingers against his mouth, "Shhh."
He smirked and closed his eyes. His heart skipped a beat and goosebumps formed on his arms. A light, long sigh escaped him. "I'm okay with me shutting up....," he said quietly, smiling.
"I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of thinking about Arzad. The war. You being an enemy. I'm tired of so many other things that you don't even know about. I just....want you to make me forget. Make me forget everything, Eran."
She couldn't help but to crave his touch, much like a child will crave comfort from a parent who just spanked them. He had hurt her, and gods she was hurting, but she wanted him to ease that pain somehow. To make her feel better.
She started to kiss his neck, his ear, his chin. At once her demeanor changed and suddenly she was aggressive, mouth everywhere, tasting, kissing, inticing.
Eran was frozen at first, taken by complete surprise at the sudden change. Before long, he slipped his arms around her lower back and waist, pulling her a bit closer into him. He tried to kiss her inbetween her motions, but had trouble keeping up. He moved a hand up to her chin, stoping her face long enough for him to land a solid kiss on her lips.
She melted into the kiss, her mouth claiming his as her hands worked at a furious pace to pull away his shirt. He lifted his arms, releasing the kiss long enough for the shirt to slip over his head. He tossed the shirt to the side and put his hands back on her hips, throwing her back down to the sofa.
He rose over her, diving in to kiss her again with a fierce passion. His kiss lifted before diving again to suck the skin on her neck. His hands began to wander, massaging her hips.
She kicked of her shoes and started to unbutton her shirt as he hovered above her. She pushed it off her shoulders and tugged it off never breaking the kiss.
He lifted his hands to her hair, caressing his fingers thru the red strands and around her ears. He pulled back for a moment, looking at her in amazement. Eyes glazed with passion, he closed them again before slowly lowering himself inches from her lips. His arms positioned on the sofa to keep most his weight off her as he hovered above her, feeling the heat of her body.
She stared up at him, flushed with arousal. "Stopping so soon General Mintor?" She licked his chin, "Don't you want to conquer me like you conquered Arzad?"
Friday, May 21, 2010
Entry Eighty Two: Sacrifices
Late March 112
"Wake up."
She blinked open her eyes as if by command and focused on Kathetel. "What...where am I?"
"Recovering."
"Where?"
"Aboard the Airella, on your way back to Arzad."
She was silent for a moment, trying to put the pieces together. Her memories were distorted and out of place, like a dream."I...don't remember how I got here. How long have I been here?"
"A few hours."
"How did you find me?"
"You know how. A better question would be why."
She stared at him unblinking, saying nothing.
"The Empire has a lot invested in you, and needless to say we are not amused by what you've done."
She squeezed her eyes shut as if she could block out the memory. "Hadrien..."
"Yes. Hadrien."
"I...I didn't mean to."
"Intention is irrelevant now. It's over. You killed him, and we've cleaned up the mess." The corners of his mouth curved into a smirk, "And what a mess you made..."
"He was going to kill Soren, I had no choice."
"No, I gather you did not. But the bloodbath afterwards, I could have probably done without that." He tsked her, "Some old habits die hard eh?"
"Go to hell."
He tsked again. "Now now, no need to bite the hand that feeds you. Your secret room has been cleaned, everything disposed, security feeds erased and replaced. It's like it never happened. You can continue on with your assignments."
"I'm done. I can't do this anymore, I am leaving the war. I'm leaving everything."
He frowned suddenly, "That's not an option."
"I can't do this anymore."
Kathetel sat down on the edge of her bed. He hesitated, his mouth opening, saying nothing for a few seconds.
"Look. You don't have anywhere to run to. You can't go back to your old life, your Father made sure of that. Your other two brothers have all but disappeared. The mercenaries who took you in before have dissipated into other corporations. Where will you go? To Vlad Cetes? A man who wants to turn you into a soulless piece of metal like himself? He will not protect you, Shalee. He wants something from you, we've yet to figure it out, but theres a reason he is following you so closely. Who else do you have? Garst Tyrell? He would crush you for denying him so long. Think you can run to your pirate friends? It's just a matter of days before Xaerik's corporation falls apart. Vincent Pyrce is off the grid, you wont even be able to find him. Face it Shalee. You have no one to turn to, no where to run away to."
She glanced away, saying nothing.
"This is where you belong."
A robed man stepped through the door as it opened. He nodded his head at Kathetel and motioned him over.
She could barely make out what they were whispering about before they stepped out into the corridor.
Kathetel's voice suddenly rose, "Not like this. This will undo everything, all the progress we've made with her."
She strained to hear what the other man was saying in response but couldn't quite make it out.
"Arzad fell?" Kathetel sounded frustrated.
Moments later they returned.
Kathetel folded his arms across his chest, his jaw tensed.
Shalee looked to Kathetel as the other man neared the bed.
"What's going on..." Fear slid down her spine.
Kathetel shook his head as a look of sympathy flashed across his face.
"Tell me, please? What's..."
Before she could finish asking, the stranger spoke. "Shalee Lianne, you are under arrest for the murder of Hadrien Lianne. You will be sentenced to death."
At least it was an escape, she thought grimly.
He frowned as he looked at her as if expecting some sort of hysterics. He tried again, "You know this means suspicion will be cast upon the Knights of the Merciful Crown. They will be dragged through the mud. The public "trial" will be an endless parade of people you've known since becoming a capsuleer. Would you destroy them all?"
"What would you have me do...?"
"Get Eran Mintor to defect. Now. We can't lose any more sovereignty."
"And if I do this, you drop the charges?"
He nodded. "It's as if it never happened."
"I guess I don't have a choice."
His thin lips stretched into a smile as he looked to Kathetel, "Get rid of the clones, make her watch.
"Kathetel glared at him, "It's not necessary. Not like this, you already have her compliance."
"Exactly. We no longer have a need for them. Dispose of them. That's an order."
He activted a holovid, showing the cell where Raphael Saint was being held all these months. Another clone of him had been activated and sent back to Amarr, never knowing what really had happened on his quest to find Commander Michael Priboj.
As the robed man exited the room, Kathetel whispered to her. "Close your eyes."
But she couldn't. She couldn't pull her gaze away from the holo, couldn't catch her breath as two armed guards entered into Raphael's cell and shot him between the eyes.
She heard Kathetel speak her name just before she passed out.
****
She was dreaming. Her seven year old self was running through the corridor of the house they had lived in. Her tiny feet padded against the marbled floor, barely making any sound as she ran into her room.
She looked around, confused. Everything was different. All of her toys, gone. Bed stripped down. Dusty white drop cloths covered what was left of the furniture.
She ran.
She ran to her parents room, desperately screaming for her mother but it was different too.
Cobwebs hung from the crystal chandlier. Dust covered the mantle, the tables.
She crawled onto the canopy bed and curled up where her mother should have been. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she absently stared at the balcony doors.
****
Hours later, she sat at the back of a public shuttle on it's way to Arzad. She was exhausted, pale, and numb. She'd been given a sedative, cleaned up and dressed into her militia uniform.
Just like that, they sent her back into the world with one objective. Convince General Eran Mintor of the Minmatar Militia to defect to Amarr.
She rubbed her temples as her head pounded. She needed sleep, needed to just disappear and hide away from the world but knew it was impossible.
Her comm blinked with an incoming message. She glanced down to the screen...
Dearest Shalee,
...I'm sure you've heard the news already, but if not....I'm sorry to tell you that Arzad has been lost by the Amarr today.
Please forgive me. I know you saw this coming, but I hope it doesn't draw us apart. It's hard for me to celebrate this victory knowing you can't share it with me. Please be alright.
Love you,
Eran
"Wake up."
She blinked open her eyes as if by command and focused on Kathetel. "What...where am I?"
"Recovering."
"Where?"
"Aboard the Airella, on your way back to Arzad."
She was silent for a moment, trying to put the pieces together. Her memories were distorted and out of place, like a dream."I...don't remember how I got here. How long have I been here?"
"A few hours."
"How did you find me?"
"You know how. A better question would be why."
She stared at him unblinking, saying nothing.
"The Empire has a lot invested in you, and needless to say we are not amused by what you've done."
She squeezed her eyes shut as if she could block out the memory. "Hadrien..."
"Yes. Hadrien."
"I...I didn't mean to."
"Intention is irrelevant now. It's over. You killed him, and we've cleaned up the mess." The corners of his mouth curved into a smirk, "And what a mess you made..."
"He was going to kill Soren, I had no choice."
"No, I gather you did not. But the bloodbath afterwards, I could have probably done without that." He tsked her, "Some old habits die hard eh?"
"Go to hell."
He tsked again. "Now now, no need to bite the hand that feeds you. Your secret room has been cleaned, everything disposed, security feeds erased and replaced. It's like it never happened. You can continue on with your assignments."
"I'm done. I can't do this anymore, I am leaving the war. I'm leaving everything."
He frowned suddenly, "That's not an option."
"I can't do this anymore."
Kathetel sat down on the edge of her bed. He hesitated, his mouth opening, saying nothing for a few seconds.
"Look. You don't have anywhere to run to. You can't go back to your old life, your Father made sure of that. Your other two brothers have all but disappeared. The mercenaries who took you in before have dissipated into other corporations. Where will you go? To Vlad Cetes? A man who wants to turn you into a soulless piece of metal like himself? He will not protect you, Shalee. He wants something from you, we've yet to figure it out, but theres a reason he is following you so closely. Who else do you have? Garst Tyrell? He would crush you for denying him so long. Think you can run to your pirate friends? It's just a matter of days before Xaerik's corporation falls apart. Vincent Pyrce is off the grid, you wont even be able to find him. Face it Shalee. You have no one to turn to, no where to run away to."
She glanced away, saying nothing.
"This is where you belong."
A robed man stepped through the door as it opened. He nodded his head at Kathetel and motioned him over.
She could barely make out what they were whispering about before they stepped out into the corridor.
Kathetel's voice suddenly rose, "Not like this. This will undo everything, all the progress we've made with her."
She strained to hear what the other man was saying in response but couldn't quite make it out.
"Arzad fell?" Kathetel sounded frustrated.
Moments later they returned.
Kathetel folded his arms across his chest, his jaw tensed.
Shalee looked to Kathetel as the other man neared the bed.
"What's going on..." Fear slid down her spine.
Kathetel shook his head as a look of sympathy flashed across his face.
"Tell me, please? What's..."
Before she could finish asking, the stranger spoke. "Shalee Lianne, you are under arrest for the murder of Hadrien Lianne. You will be sentenced to death."
At least it was an escape, she thought grimly.
He frowned as he looked at her as if expecting some sort of hysterics. He tried again, "You know this means suspicion will be cast upon the Knights of the Merciful Crown. They will be dragged through the mud. The public "trial" will be an endless parade of people you've known since becoming a capsuleer. Would you destroy them all?"
"What would you have me do...?"
"Get Eran Mintor to defect. Now. We can't lose any more sovereignty."
"And if I do this, you drop the charges?"
He nodded. "It's as if it never happened."
"I guess I don't have a choice."
His thin lips stretched into a smile as he looked to Kathetel, "Get rid of the clones, make her watch.
"Kathetel glared at him, "It's not necessary. Not like this, you already have her compliance."
"Exactly. We no longer have a need for them. Dispose of them. That's an order."
He activted a holovid, showing the cell where Raphael Saint was being held all these months. Another clone of him had been activated and sent back to Amarr, never knowing what really had happened on his quest to find Commander Michael Priboj.
As the robed man exited the room, Kathetel whispered to her. "Close your eyes."
But she couldn't. She couldn't pull her gaze away from the holo, couldn't catch her breath as two armed guards entered into Raphael's cell and shot him between the eyes.
She heard Kathetel speak her name just before she passed out.
****
She was dreaming. Her seven year old self was running through the corridor of the house they had lived in. Her tiny feet padded against the marbled floor, barely making any sound as she ran into her room.
She looked around, confused. Everything was different. All of her toys, gone. Bed stripped down. Dusty white drop cloths covered what was left of the furniture.
She ran.
She ran to her parents room, desperately screaming for her mother but it was different too.
Cobwebs hung from the crystal chandlier. Dust covered the mantle, the tables.
She crawled onto the canopy bed and curled up where her mother should have been. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she absently stared at the balcony doors.
****
Hours later, she sat at the back of a public shuttle on it's way to Arzad. She was exhausted, pale, and numb. She'd been given a sedative, cleaned up and dressed into her militia uniform.
Just like that, they sent her back into the world with one objective. Convince General Eran Mintor of the Minmatar Militia to defect to Amarr.
She rubbed her temples as her head pounded. She needed sleep, needed to just disappear and hide away from the world but knew it was impossible.
Her comm blinked with an incoming message. She glanced down to the screen...
Dearest Shalee,
...I'm sure you've heard the news already, but if not....I'm sorry to tell you that Arzad has been lost by the Amarr today.
Please forgive me. I know you saw this coming, but I hope it doesn't draw us apart. It's hard for me to celebrate this victory knowing you can't share it with me. Please be alright.
Love you,
Eran
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Entry Eighty One: The Room
Late March 112
The air was heavy, the scent of blood permeated the room, making her nausated. She blinked and tried to bring the room into focus but couldn't.
Everything was blurry and sickening. Wrong.
She tried to remember. What had she done?
She remembered Soren, her corp mate. He had been sick. She had stopped by his apartment to check up on him after patrols.
Where am I...?
Everything was distorted. Her head ached. Was she drunk? Drugged? Had she done this to herself? She held her hands up and tried to bring them into focus. Dark red. Wet. Blood? So much blood. Her hands trembled.
Oh god.
Soren. She tried to focus on Soren. Something seemed terribly important...oh god.
The memory slipped through the fog of hysteria.
She found him tied up, readied for a blood ritual, with Hadrien waiting. Her brother. Her own flesh and blood, standing over Soren with a long thin blade.
She went limp, the bottle of juice and bowl of soup she had brought for Soren crashed to the floor. She couldn't breathe, couldn't react in any way but to stand there, screaming in her mind.
Seconds bled into minutes before she found her voice.
"Oh god, what have you done Hadi!"
"Nothing yet angel, I was waiting for you."
"No. Hadrien no...oh GOD. Let him go."
"No, he dies, Shalee. You can kill him quickly, or I can do it the way I showed you so long ago."
She tried to force her way around Hadrien to get to Soren.
"No! Get out of the way, I wont let you do this I wont let you hurt him!"
"It is not a matter of what you will or will not let me do. This is what has to happen."
He grabbed her by the arms, jerking her away from the bed. She broke free of him and desperately started to search for the gun she knew Soren always wore.
"No! I'll kill you first before I let you touch one hair on his head!"
"You're not doing this, you're not!"
There was a struggle. She had found Soren's gun and aimed it at her brother.
"You would kill your own flesh and blood over some heathen bastard?"
His words echoed through her mind over and over as she remembered pulling the trigger after Hadrien impaled the knife into Soren's throat.
Everything was a blur again. She vaguely remembered medics. Doctors telling her that Soren might live. She remembered being so calm after the fact, relying on her militia training to take control of a stressful situation, to step outside of what was happening and view it from a different perspective to deal with it.
She was eerily calm as she took charge, cleaning up Soren's apartment, keeping vigil throughout the night to make certain he was going to live.
The next morning she snapped.
Exhaustion and hysteria had set in, combined with alcohol she'd been drinking all night.
She had claimed Hadrien's body from the morgue and had it delivered to the back of the Paradiso into an old room she had purchased for blooding months prior.
Not that she ever intended to use the room, it had been part of a ruse to try and make contact with another blooder that Aldrith was in trouble with.
She had all but forgotten about the room.
But she still had access to it.
She stared at her blood soaked hands again. Rivulets of blood streaked down her pale arms. Her clothes were drenched from blood and sweat.
"Shalee."
She jerked suddenly. The room was spinning.
"Angel look at me."
"No....you're dead."
"And you killed me. How could you forsake me? Your own brother who loved you more than anyone!"
She cupped her hands over her ears trying to smother out his voice.
"This can't be real," she whispered to herself over and over.
"You'll never be free of me, Angel. I'm a part of you. That's why you brought me here."
"I brought you here to chop you up into a thousand little pieces. You don't deserve a proper burial. You are dead and no one will ever know your fate, Hadrien. No one will ever mourn you because they will never know."
"You will mourn me."
"I will never think of you again!"
"You will never forget me because I am a part of you Angel. Your blood is my blood. I've taught you everything you know. You can only pretend so long, Angel. They will find out who you really are and then you will be alone. They will never understand you like I do, never love you like I do."
"You're wrong!" She pressed her hands tighter against her ears but couldn't drown out his voice.
His tone was mocking, "You think any of them would love you if they knew what a whore you really were? Do you think they would stand by your side if they knew the things you were capable of. If they saw you like this?"
"Stop."
"Do you think your General is going to turn sides just because you want him to? He is using you. Why do you whore yourself to him?"
"Stop. You're not real."
"And look at this place. You're a wreck, you can't even stand up, much less clean this up. Who is going to help you, Shalee? Do you think your little hero Zenton is going to come to your rescue now? Would he help you seeing you like this, covered in blood with pieces of flesh stuck to your skin? Do you really think his love is that unconditional? Do you think your General would love you if he saw you like this? Would he help you? Do you think Raphael would love you if he knew? You know in your heart he would be the first to turn you over to the Inquisition, good little Praetorian that he is. You have no one now. You're all alone and murdered the only person who ever really understood you, Angel. Look at me dammit!"
She blinked open her eyes to the macabre scene.
Blood was everywhere, pooled on the floor, splattered on the walls. Ritualistic symbols were drawn in his blood all around the room. Blood dripped from what was left of him on the table.
Other pieces of him lay in mangled on the floor.
"Oh god...what have I done..."
The air was heavy, the scent of blood permeated the room, making her nausated. She blinked and tried to bring the room into focus but couldn't.
Everything was blurry and sickening. Wrong.
She tried to remember. What had she done?
She remembered Soren, her corp mate. He had been sick. She had stopped by his apartment to check up on him after patrols.
Where am I...?
Everything was distorted. Her head ached. Was she drunk? Drugged? Had she done this to herself? She held her hands up and tried to bring them into focus. Dark red. Wet. Blood? So much blood. Her hands trembled.
Oh god.
Soren. She tried to focus on Soren. Something seemed terribly important...oh god.
The memory slipped through the fog of hysteria.
She found him tied up, readied for a blood ritual, with Hadrien waiting. Her brother. Her own flesh and blood, standing over Soren with a long thin blade.
She went limp, the bottle of juice and bowl of soup she had brought for Soren crashed to the floor. She couldn't breathe, couldn't react in any way but to stand there, screaming in her mind.
Seconds bled into minutes before she found her voice.
"Oh god, what have you done Hadi!"
"Nothing yet angel, I was waiting for you."
"No. Hadrien no...oh GOD. Let him go."
"No, he dies, Shalee. You can kill him quickly, or I can do it the way I showed you so long ago."
She tried to force her way around Hadrien to get to Soren.
"No! Get out of the way, I wont let you do this I wont let you hurt him!"
"It is not a matter of what you will or will not let me do. This is what has to happen."
He grabbed her by the arms, jerking her away from the bed. She broke free of him and desperately started to search for the gun she knew Soren always wore.
"No! I'll kill you first before I let you touch one hair on his head!"
"You're not doing this, you're not!"
There was a struggle. She had found Soren's gun and aimed it at her brother.
"You would kill your own flesh and blood over some heathen bastard?"
His words echoed through her mind over and over as she remembered pulling the trigger after Hadrien impaled the knife into Soren's throat.
Everything was a blur again. She vaguely remembered medics. Doctors telling her that Soren might live. She remembered being so calm after the fact, relying on her militia training to take control of a stressful situation, to step outside of what was happening and view it from a different perspective to deal with it.
She was eerily calm as she took charge, cleaning up Soren's apartment, keeping vigil throughout the night to make certain he was going to live.
The next morning she snapped.
Exhaustion and hysteria had set in, combined with alcohol she'd been drinking all night.
She had claimed Hadrien's body from the morgue and had it delivered to the back of the Paradiso into an old room she had purchased for blooding months prior.
Not that she ever intended to use the room, it had been part of a ruse to try and make contact with another blooder that Aldrith was in trouble with.
She had all but forgotten about the room.
But she still had access to it.
She stared at her blood soaked hands again. Rivulets of blood streaked down her pale arms. Her clothes were drenched from blood and sweat.
"Shalee."
She jerked suddenly. The room was spinning.
"Angel look at me."
"No....you're dead."
"And you killed me. How could you forsake me? Your own brother who loved you more than anyone!"
She cupped her hands over her ears trying to smother out his voice.
"This can't be real," she whispered to herself over and over.
"You'll never be free of me, Angel. I'm a part of you. That's why you brought me here."
"I brought you here to chop you up into a thousand little pieces. You don't deserve a proper burial. You are dead and no one will ever know your fate, Hadrien. No one will ever mourn you because they will never know."
"You will mourn me."
"I will never think of you again!"
"You will never forget me because I am a part of you Angel. Your blood is my blood. I've taught you everything you know. You can only pretend so long, Angel. They will find out who you really are and then you will be alone. They will never understand you like I do, never love you like I do."
"You're wrong!" She pressed her hands tighter against her ears but couldn't drown out his voice.
His tone was mocking, "You think any of them would love you if they knew what a whore you really were? Do you think they would stand by your side if they knew the things you were capable of. If they saw you like this?"
"Stop."
"Do you think your General is going to turn sides just because you want him to? He is using you. Why do you whore yourself to him?"
"Stop. You're not real."
"And look at this place. You're a wreck, you can't even stand up, much less clean this up. Who is going to help you, Shalee? Do you think your little hero Zenton is going to come to your rescue now? Would he help you seeing you like this, covered in blood with pieces of flesh stuck to your skin? Do you really think his love is that unconditional? Do you think your General would love you if he saw you like this? Would he help you? Do you think Raphael would love you if he knew? You know in your heart he would be the first to turn you over to the Inquisition, good little Praetorian that he is. You have no one now. You're all alone and murdered the only person who ever really understood you, Angel. Look at me dammit!"
She blinked open her eyes to the macabre scene.
Blood was everywhere, pooled on the floor, splattered on the walls. Ritualistic symbols were drawn in his blood all around the room. Blood dripped from what was left of him on the table.
Other pieces of him lay in mangled on the floor.
"Oh god...what have I done..."
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Entry Eighty: Love Games
Late March, 112
She waited for him in virtual reality by a pool that resembled something from ancient Amarr. White columns surrounded the water, stretching up into the sky covering the area with a dome shapped painted ceiling. Flower petals floated across the water. Candles and torches were scattered about, illuminating her lithe form. She smiled. "Ah, there you are."
He glanced around at the manifested scene, smiling, "This is cool," then looked to her frowning, "Doesn't beat seeing you in person though How are you?" He stepped over to her.
Shalee bit on her bottom lip as he he frowned. "I am well." Her feet dangled into the water as she sat on the edge of the pool. She wore a sheer white bathingsuit wrap across her torso, bunched up around her thighs. "You don't like VR?"
He smirked as he pulled out a piece of paper and unwrapped it, revealing a dark chocolate, "Nah....it's cool, but it's virtual....you know?" He shrugged. "Still good to see you though." He sat down next to her and offered a bite, "Want a piece?"
She gave a little nod as she leaned over to him and opened her mouth, "Yes."
"They say you can almost taste it..." He moved his hand up and placed the bar on her tongue.
She wrapped her lips around it and pulled it from his fingers, slipping it into her mouth. "Mmm." She chewed and swallow. "I can taste it." She looked at him trying to gauge his mood, wishing she knew him better.
He chuckled a bit and smiled at her, "You can? Hmm...so, aren't you going to ask how I am?"
"How are you Eran?"
"I'm good actually.....very good, thank you." He smiled as he tore his gaze from her to look around the place again, "So is this somewhere you know?"
She shook her head, "No I've never been here. I just thought it was pretty."
"It is nice...tranquil."
"....intimate." She said, staring at him, her heart racing.
"Yeah...." He turned his head to her, looking into her eyes, his mouth opening a bit in surprise. "...what have you been up to the past two days?"
"Missing you. And you? What have you done?"
He chuckled a bit, "Sleeping....and spending any other time planetside. I've been thinking of you too."
"Thinking what, precisely?"
"Hm? Just about you....wondering what you've been up to. When I would see you again." He smirked.
"And yet I had to contact you. I almost thought you were losing interest in me." She side glanced at him.
"At least this seems real, maybe." He frowned, "I'm sorry, I've been busy. Very tired too..."
She smiled prettily, attempting a sultry little pout of her lips, thinking she wasn't the best at seduction, apparently. "Don't apologize, you don't owe me anything." She stood and walked over to the steps that lead into the marbled pool. Firelight flickered behind her from one of the torches, illuminating her every curve as she pulled away the wrap, letting it fall to the floor before starting into the water. She gave a glance to him, blushing, "Will you swim with me?"
He looked over at her, as she descended into the pool, his eyes wide, "Uhm...s-sure, why not?" He laughed while standing up, taking off his shirt and kicking off his boots, he jumped into the pool with the rest of his clothes on, shouting as he cannonballed, "Waaaahooo!'
He emerged from the depths and shook his dreads, wiping his face with his hands, then paddled over to Shalee. He smirked and splashed her face lightly by smacking his hand on the water.
She sighed to herself, turning her head as he splashed her, "Stop." Her tone was sharp, frustrated.
"Okay..." He frowned "Not in a playful mood, I take it?"
She submerged herself into the water dipping beneath it to hide her utter humiliation before coming up for air in time to hear his question. "I can play." She forced a smile as she splashed him.
He closed his eyes and smiled, "I dunno....something seems on your mind...."
"Nope. Nothing." She sent another angry splash at him for good measure.
He opened his eyes again and looked at her curiously. Realization slid across his face.
She turned suddenly and swam away to the far end of the pool, swaying the water to shove away some of the flower petals.
He watched her in awe. His smile twisted into a licentious curve of his lips as he started to swim to her, never taking his eyes off of her. "So...what has you that you can't meet at Soft River?" His gaze travelled across her, taking in her wet hair, resting on her inviting lips, then finally he locked his eyes with her.
She pressed her back against the marbled wall, "I could have."
He neared her, extending his arms around her and pushed against the wall to stop himself inches infront of her, "But...?"
She tipped her chin up to meet his gaze. Every muscle in her body went tense with anticipation. "But...I couldn't... I mean..." Her cheeks flamed red. She'd never been good at seduction and was failing at it now. "I had a proposition."
He rested one hand on her shoulder and another lightly on her neck, "A proposition? What do you propose...."
She shivered beneath his touch. Her breath caught in the back of her throat as she stared at him. "I umm....you said.. that you would marry me. If you could. And the only thing stopping you is being on the wrong side of this war....so. I came here to tell you that I would marry you if you fought for this war." She went her lips nervously ..."in the Amarrian militia."
He looked at her, puzzled, then quickly pulled away.
"I will belong to you and only to you, Eran. I will be yours."
"Why would you propose that....you know I can't....I would love to be with you Shalee....I think.....but you asking me that...."
"Why? You say you want to end this war? You say you want to be with me? Then prove it. Be with me."
"Being with you won't end the war. Especially if I'm in the Amarrian militia."
"But you don't even care, Eran."
"I'd just be living a lie.....care about what?"
"You say you're leaving the Minmatar militia after the fall of Arzad?"
"Shortly after, yes."
"You don't care to stay and fight really but it is my passion. Winning this war is my passion, it means everything."
"And if it doesn't fall, I will leave anyway. Or at least pull away from the front."
"So stay with me. Fight with me, not against me. Be with me."
"I plan to stay with Valklear..." He looked sadly at her, feeling weak and helpless. "I don't want to fight you....I don't want to be in this war...but what I want isn't always for the best...for myself or those around me. You already know this, you told me before I should 'do my duty' if I needed to shoot you....you know I wouldn't. I just....."
She had gambled and she had lost. She had tried to tempt him with sex, love, and marriage, offering herself to him completely, "I know."
"....you know I can't turn on those who depend on me and love me."
"And what about my love?"
"If it's conditional upon me being a traitor..." He shrugged, torn. Hurt. "Understand my love for you isn't conditional. You seem a lot more bothered by the fact CONCORD allows us to shoot each other than me. We are people, not bound by CONCORD, but by God. That is what marriage is about."
She nodded, "It's fine. I didn't think you'd agree to it anyhow." She suddenly ducked underneath the water again, humiliated.
He frowned deeply, watching her submerge. He sighed and looked up at the painted ceiling, waiting for her to resurface.
She stayed beneath the water for as long as possible. Even if it wasn't reality, it felt real enough that she was breathless when she finally came up. She inhaled a big breath.
He swam back to her, stopping a foot or so infront of her. He took hold of one of her hands lightly as he looked at her, his expression worried, as if he's thinking what to say.
"You don't have to say anything."
"Whether or not we are fighting on the same side....well....yes, it would raise a lot of issues." He sighed, "Is your love conditional?" he asked with a weary sigh.
"No. But...wanting to be with someone who believes as I do? Who shares the same passions? Someone I could actually meet in public. Marry. Someone I could fly with instead of having to worry if his corp mates are going to murder me? We are in war Eran. And that is the cold harsh reality of you and I. Enemies beyond our games and this virtual reality. Thats why I brought you here. I can give myself to you here, but not for real. It's all pretend. Anyhow. I had to try, I hope you understand. But lets not speak of it anymore."
She swam away from him, pausing at the steps of the pool, "Do your duty and I will do mine."
She waited for him in virtual reality by a pool that resembled something from ancient Amarr. White columns surrounded the water, stretching up into the sky covering the area with a dome shapped painted ceiling. Flower petals floated across the water. Candles and torches were scattered about, illuminating her lithe form. She smiled. "Ah, there you are."
He glanced around at the manifested scene, smiling, "This is cool," then looked to her frowning, "Doesn't beat seeing you in person though How are you?" He stepped over to her.
Shalee bit on her bottom lip as he he frowned. "I am well." Her feet dangled into the water as she sat on the edge of the pool. She wore a sheer white bathingsuit wrap across her torso, bunched up around her thighs. "You don't like VR?"
He smirked as he pulled out a piece of paper and unwrapped it, revealing a dark chocolate, "Nah....it's cool, but it's virtual....you know?" He shrugged. "Still good to see you though." He sat down next to her and offered a bite, "Want a piece?"
She gave a little nod as she leaned over to him and opened her mouth, "Yes."
"They say you can almost taste it..." He moved his hand up and placed the bar on her tongue.
She wrapped her lips around it and pulled it from his fingers, slipping it into her mouth. "Mmm." She chewed and swallow. "I can taste it." She looked at him trying to gauge his mood, wishing she knew him better.
He chuckled a bit and smiled at her, "You can? Hmm...so, aren't you going to ask how I am?"
"How are you Eran?"
"I'm good actually.....very good, thank you." He smiled as he tore his gaze from her to look around the place again, "So is this somewhere you know?"
She shook her head, "No I've never been here. I just thought it was pretty."
"It is nice...tranquil."
"....intimate." She said, staring at him, her heart racing.
"Yeah...." He turned his head to her, looking into her eyes, his mouth opening a bit in surprise. "...what have you been up to the past two days?"
"Missing you. And you? What have you done?"
He chuckled a bit, "Sleeping....and spending any other time planetside. I've been thinking of you too."
"Thinking what, precisely?"
"Hm? Just about you....wondering what you've been up to. When I would see you again." He smirked.
"And yet I had to contact you. I almost thought you were losing interest in me." She side glanced at him.
"At least this seems real, maybe." He frowned, "I'm sorry, I've been busy. Very tired too..."
She smiled prettily, attempting a sultry little pout of her lips, thinking she wasn't the best at seduction, apparently. "Don't apologize, you don't owe me anything." She stood and walked over to the steps that lead into the marbled pool. Firelight flickered behind her from one of the torches, illuminating her every curve as she pulled away the wrap, letting it fall to the floor before starting into the water. She gave a glance to him, blushing, "Will you swim with me?"
He looked over at her, as she descended into the pool, his eyes wide, "Uhm...s-sure, why not?" He laughed while standing up, taking off his shirt and kicking off his boots, he jumped into the pool with the rest of his clothes on, shouting as he cannonballed, "Waaaahooo!'
He emerged from the depths and shook his dreads, wiping his face with his hands, then paddled over to Shalee. He smirked and splashed her face lightly by smacking his hand on the water.
She sighed to herself, turning her head as he splashed her, "Stop." Her tone was sharp, frustrated.
"Okay..." He frowned "Not in a playful mood, I take it?"
She submerged herself into the water dipping beneath it to hide her utter humiliation before coming up for air in time to hear his question. "I can play." She forced a smile as she splashed him.
He closed his eyes and smiled, "I dunno....something seems on your mind...."
"Nope. Nothing." She sent another angry splash at him for good measure.
He opened his eyes again and looked at her curiously. Realization slid across his face.
She turned suddenly and swam away to the far end of the pool, swaying the water to shove away some of the flower petals.
He watched her in awe. His smile twisted into a licentious curve of his lips as he started to swim to her, never taking his eyes off of her. "So...what has you that you can't meet at Soft River?" His gaze travelled across her, taking in her wet hair, resting on her inviting lips, then finally he locked his eyes with her.
She pressed her back against the marbled wall, "I could have."
He neared her, extending his arms around her and pushed against the wall to stop himself inches infront of her, "But...?"
She tipped her chin up to meet his gaze. Every muscle in her body went tense with anticipation. "But...I couldn't... I mean..." Her cheeks flamed red. She'd never been good at seduction and was failing at it now. "I had a proposition."
He rested one hand on her shoulder and another lightly on her neck, "A proposition? What do you propose...."
She shivered beneath his touch. Her breath caught in the back of her throat as she stared at him. "I umm....you said.. that you would marry me. If you could. And the only thing stopping you is being on the wrong side of this war....so. I came here to tell you that I would marry you if you fought for this war." She went her lips nervously ..."in the Amarrian militia."
He looked at her, puzzled, then quickly pulled away.
"I will belong to you and only to you, Eran. I will be yours."
"Why would you propose that....you know I can't....I would love to be with you Shalee....I think.....but you asking me that...."
"Why? You say you want to end this war? You say you want to be with me? Then prove it. Be with me."
"Being with you won't end the war. Especially if I'm in the Amarrian militia."
"But you don't even care, Eran."
"I'd just be living a lie.....care about what?"
"You say you're leaving the Minmatar militia after the fall of Arzad?"
"Shortly after, yes."
"You don't care to stay and fight really but it is my passion. Winning this war is my passion, it means everything."
"And if it doesn't fall, I will leave anyway. Or at least pull away from the front."
"So stay with me. Fight with me, not against me. Be with me."
"I plan to stay with Valklear..." He looked sadly at her, feeling weak and helpless. "I don't want to fight you....I don't want to be in this war...but what I want isn't always for the best...for myself or those around me. You already know this, you told me before I should 'do my duty' if I needed to shoot you....you know I wouldn't. I just....."
She had gambled and she had lost. She had tried to tempt him with sex, love, and marriage, offering herself to him completely, "I know."
"....you know I can't turn on those who depend on me and love me."
"And what about my love?"
"If it's conditional upon me being a traitor..." He shrugged, torn. Hurt. "Understand my love for you isn't conditional. You seem a lot more bothered by the fact CONCORD allows us to shoot each other than me. We are people, not bound by CONCORD, but by God. That is what marriage is about."
She nodded, "It's fine. I didn't think you'd agree to it anyhow." She suddenly ducked underneath the water again, humiliated.
He frowned deeply, watching her submerge. He sighed and looked up at the painted ceiling, waiting for her to resurface.
She stayed beneath the water for as long as possible. Even if it wasn't reality, it felt real enough that she was breathless when she finally came up. She inhaled a big breath.
He swam back to her, stopping a foot or so infront of her. He took hold of one of her hands lightly as he looked at her, his expression worried, as if he's thinking what to say.
"You don't have to say anything."
"Whether or not we are fighting on the same side....well....yes, it would raise a lot of issues." He sighed, "Is your love conditional?" he asked with a weary sigh.
"No. But...wanting to be with someone who believes as I do? Who shares the same passions? Someone I could actually meet in public. Marry. Someone I could fly with instead of having to worry if his corp mates are going to murder me? We are in war Eran. And that is the cold harsh reality of you and I. Enemies beyond our games and this virtual reality. Thats why I brought you here. I can give myself to you here, but not for real. It's all pretend. Anyhow. I had to try, I hope you understand. But lets not speak of it anymore."
She swam away from him, pausing at the steps of the pool, "Do your duty and I will do mine."
Friday, April 30, 2010
Entry Seventy Nine: For Love and Empire
Mid March, 112, Before the fall of Arzad
It had been a week since their first encounter. She had met with him almost every night since, doing her 'duty' and distracting him from the warfront as often as possible.
It was too easy of a task. Often she would forget that he was an assignment, that he was a war criminal. A terrorist. One of the leaders of the Tribal Liberation Force. A man who had fought diligently against her people, who had led campaigns in the capture of so many of their systems.
When they were together, he was just another man. One who was charming, fun, and playful. He made her laugh, played silly games with her, taught her how to tribal dance. They had talked, long drawn out discussions about any and everything. He even gave her tips for the battlefield, schooling her in dogfighting and close combat.
She had met him at the Soft River, an establishment he owned.
They had shared a bottle of wine and was in the middle of conversation when both of their comms started beeping at once.
Their eyes locked.
For a moment, neither said anything as they ignored the urgent messages from their respective militias. A military complex in the Arzad system had been scanned down, a system both sides have been fighting over for nearly a month. The Amarrian militia had to defend the complex, the Minmatar wanted to capture it. If they succeeded to capture enough military complexes, the system would become vunerable and allow them to claim it.
Every military complex mattered. Both sides were fighting around the clock for those plexes.
She held her breath, waiting to see what he would do. Would he stay or go?
"I've got to run....will...." He sighed with a sorrowful expression. "...will you still be here?"
She hid her look of disappointment as she scrambled to her feet, "I have to go too..." Bastard.
He kissed her forehead before rushing out the door, "Please don't be mad..."
***
Hours later she reentered the bar, this time wearing her Amarr militia flight suit. Her hair was damp from post-pod shower. She looked tired, her shoulders slumped with defeat.
A part of her wasn't sure what brought her back to him.
He sat on one of the pillows surrounding the low table in the corner.
His gaze anxiously met hers, waiting for her to say something.
She met him at the table and dropped to her knees on the opposite side, resting back on the heels of her boots. Instead of speaking, she poured herself a shot of whiskey and downed it quickly.
"Are you ma-..." he sighed, "....of course."
She held up her finger as if to say -one moment-. She refilled her glass and quickly did another shot.
"...M-more?" He offered to refill her glass.
She nodded, saying nothing. She did the next shot in one big gulp and sat there, waiting for the alcohol to numb it all, to lessen the sting of losing. She couldn't help but to think the one responsible for it was sitting there in front of her.
Eran shifted uncomfortably in the silence, looking at his glass for a minute then up at her, "....so....Lola...." A name she had used during a game of pretend with him. They had decided to be Lola and Tom, ordinary people who had nothing to do with the war, who were not sworn enemies. He stared at her, wincing a bit, hoping for any sign of relief.
She stood up suddenly, face flushed with anger. "I'm not Lola. I'm Shalee Lianne, a Legatus Commodore in the Amarrian Militia, Paladin of the Sword of the Knighthood. And I am your enemy."
Eran Mintor frowned, "No Shalee, you're not my enemy. I can't see you like that."
She threw her glass onto the floor, ignoring the glass as it shattered, her gaze locked with his. "You didn't have to go. You didn't have to leave. If it's going to be a choice between this goddamned war or me, youre going to choose the war. Every time."
He pulled his gaze away, staring off at the murals on the opposite wall, "Would you have not done the same? Would you choose me over your ideals?"
"I didn't leave until you did."
His face was full of regret, "Yes..you don't have to believe me, but you mean a lot to me Shalee....the time we've spent has been short but...."
She cut him off, "I can almost deal with meeting you like this, with it just being 'Lola and Tom'. But when you leave me to go kill my people? Then...what am I supposed to do?"
"I would choose..."
"No. You wont. Don't even say it."
He looked guilty and full of grief.
"And that's okay. I cannot ask you to leave the war when I will not leave it myself. I cannot ask you to switch sides when I wont do it." She couldn't stop trembling, "So here we are."
"I.." He looked to her hopelessly. "I love you though Shalee. I can't help it. I want this to end between us....I don't want us to marked as enemies, because I can't see you that way. I just can't. It doesn't matter what you do....I'm blind, maybe. At this point..." he waved his hand, "but what do these words matter? You're right. I chose my duty over being here with you tonight....not because I prefer it....but...." He stared at her, "I mean....what's my guarantee that if I were to leave this war behind me you wouldn't leave me behind soon enough? I don't know what the future brings. I only know I've been brought to you, and I don't want to break us apart. I want to be here, with you. I don't want to be out there."
"There are no guarantees to anything at all Eran."
He nodded.
"But you went anyhow."
"I know..."
"And it doesn't matter at all. Even if you quit. Even if you switched sides? Even if you joined Amarr? Nobody would trust you."
He chugged down the rest of his drink as if trying to drown out her words with the alcohol.
"And you'd be branded a traitor by your own people."
"Yep...."
"It's a fucked up situation." she said in a low voice.
"It is..."
He sighed and stared at his empty glass, then over at the shattered glass on the floor. He looked back up to her as she towered over him still. "Where do we go from here? This isn't going to work, is it? I mean....I want to be with you but that doesn't mean I can."
Shalee stared at him, suddenly feeling if she couldn't breathe.
"Just kill me now..." He said in a very low voice as he withdrew an old Matari gun from his back holster and extended it to her. "Here....be done with it. I've killed more of your people than I care to count."
Simmering with anger, she stepped closer and took the gun from his hands. Did he think she would not do it? Could not? She curled her fingers around the hilt as her expression turned to misery. Her eyes watered and her hands trembled. Desperation hung on the air, heavy and thick. Emotions churned in her stomach. Hatered, pride, love, rage, duty.
"I don't want to continue...not like this." He lifted his gaze to her.
"And if I kill you I would save so many....one life sacrificed for how many I could save?
"Eran nodded slowly, "Exactly..." He took a deep breath and exhaled, closing his eyes as he prepared himself, "In sha' Allah," he whispered.
Hot angry tears dripped down her cheeks. "This isn't fair." She wrapped both of her hands around the hilt as she took a step back....and raised the gun slightly as if taking aim.
"Life isn't fair..."
She closed her eyes as her finger curled around the trigger. Seconds ticked away as a thousand thoughts ran through her mind.
"Do it..." He pleaded.
She blinked open her eyes and stepped closer, jutting the gun barrel against his chin. "I hate you."
He opened his eyes, as if to look at her one last time. His face softened and he seemed to relax. "I know."
"I hate you so much." She suddenly jerked the gun away and threw it across the floor. Dropping to her knees in front of him, she gasped a strangled little sound as tears blurred everything. "I could have killed you!" She sobbed, "I should have. This isn't fair."
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled in her close. "Oh Shalee, I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. This isn't fair to either of us." He rubbed her back gently holding her close, "Someday..."
"Don't." A muffled plea against the side of his neck. Tears dripped down her cheeks. "Don't make promises you wont keep." She sniffled, "And don't lie. I can't bear it."
"I just hope that someday this will be in the past, and we can move forward. I don't want to be stuck here....pretending....and you hating me." He stroked his fingers along her cheek, "I don't want to betray your trust. I can't....I feel like I already have. You're the biggest obstacle to me continuing on, and I'm afraid of losing you to this damn war." His voice dropped to a soft whisper, "Tell me what I should do. Tell me what you want me to do."
"I will not. Because you know what I will say. You know what I want." She clung to him helplessly.
"I never wanted to be in the war. I always felt like I had no choice, but the people needed my help." He brushed his lips against her forehead, "I don't want to betray anyone. Not you, nor my people who depend on me ...my family...friends...."
"No matter what you do you'll be betraying someone, Eran."
He burried his face in her hair, "I don't want to have to harm you... but I can't continue like this. You're the only thing I care for anymore."
Her mouth suddenly closed over his, smothering whatever else he intended to say. He might have had victory on the battlefield but this victory belonged to her.
It had been a week since their first encounter. She had met with him almost every night since, doing her 'duty' and distracting him from the warfront as often as possible.
It was too easy of a task. Often she would forget that he was an assignment, that he was a war criminal. A terrorist. One of the leaders of the Tribal Liberation Force. A man who had fought diligently against her people, who had led campaigns in the capture of so many of their systems.
When they were together, he was just another man. One who was charming, fun, and playful. He made her laugh, played silly games with her, taught her how to tribal dance. They had talked, long drawn out discussions about any and everything. He even gave her tips for the battlefield, schooling her in dogfighting and close combat.
She had met him at the Soft River, an establishment he owned.
They had shared a bottle of wine and was in the middle of conversation when both of their comms started beeping at once.
Their eyes locked.
For a moment, neither said anything as they ignored the urgent messages from their respective militias. A military complex in the Arzad system had been scanned down, a system both sides have been fighting over for nearly a month. The Amarrian militia had to defend the complex, the Minmatar wanted to capture it. If they succeeded to capture enough military complexes, the system would become vunerable and allow them to claim it.
Every military complex mattered. Both sides were fighting around the clock for those plexes.
She held her breath, waiting to see what he would do. Would he stay or go?
"I've got to run....will...." He sighed with a sorrowful expression. "...will you still be here?"
She hid her look of disappointment as she scrambled to her feet, "I have to go too..." Bastard.
He kissed her forehead before rushing out the door, "Please don't be mad..."
***
Hours later she reentered the bar, this time wearing her Amarr militia flight suit. Her hair was damp from post-pod shower. She looked tired, her shoulders slumped with defeat.
A part of her wasn't sure what brought her back to him.
He sat on one of the pillows surrounding the low table in the corner.
His gaze anxiously met hers, waiting for her to say something.
She met him at the table and dropped to her knees on the opposite side, resting back on the heels of her boots. Instead of speaking, she poured herself a shot of whiskey and downed it quickly.
"Are you ma-..." he sighed, "....of course."
She held up her finger as if to say -one moment-. She refilled her glass and quickly did another shot.
"...M-more?" He offered to refill her glass.
She nodded, saying nothing. She did the next shot in one big gulp and sat there, waiting for the alcohol to numb it all, to lessen the sting of losing. She couldn't help but to think the one responsible for it was sitting there in front of her.
Eran shifted uncomfortably in the silence, looking at his glass for a minute then up at her, "....so....Lola...." A name she had used during a game of pretend with him. They had decided to be Lola and Tom, ordinary people who had nothing to do with the war, who were not sworn enemies. He stared at her, wincing a bit, hoping for any sign of relief.
She stood up suddenly, face flushed with anger. "I'm not Lola. I'm Shalee Lianne, a Legatus Commodore in the Amarrian Militia, Paladin of the Sword of the Knighthood. And I am your enemy."
Eran Mintor frowned, "No Shalee, you're not my enemy. I can't see you like that."
She threw her glass onto the floor, ignoring the glass as it shattered, her gaze locked with his. "You didn't have to go. You didn't have to leave. If it's going to be a choice between this goddamned war or me, youre going to choose the war. Every time."
He pulled his gaze away, staring off at the murals on the opposite wall, "Would you have not done the same? Would you choose me over your ideals?"
"I didn't leave until you did."
His face was full of regret, "Yes..you don't have to believe me, but you mean a lot to me Shalee....the time we've spent has been short but...."
She cut him off, "I can almost deal with meeting you like this, with it just being 'Lola and Tom'. But when you leave me to go kill my people? Then...what am I supposed to do?"
"I would choose..."
"No. You wont. Don't even say it."
He looked guilty and full of grief.
"And that's okay. I cannot ask you to leave the war when I will not leave it myself. I cannot ask you to switch sides when I wont do it." She couldn't stop trembling, "So here we are."
"I.." He looked to her hopelessly. "I love you though Shalee. I can't help it. I want this to end between us....I don't want us to marked as enemies, because I can't see you that way. I just can't. It doesn't matter what you do....I'm blind, maybe. At this point..." he waved his hand, "but what do these words matter? You're right. I chose my duty over being here with you tonight....not because I prefer it....but...." He stared at her, "I mean....what's my guarantee that if I were to leave this war behind me you wouldn't leave me behind soon enough? I don't know what the future brings. I only know I've been brought to you, and I don't want to break us apart. I want to be here, with you. I don't want to be out there."
"There are no guarantees to anything at all Eran."
He nodded.
"But you went anyhow."
"I know..."
"And it doesn't matter at all. Even if you quit. Even if you switched sides? Even if you joined Amarr? Nobody would trust you."
He chugged down the rest of his drink as if trying to drown out her words with the alcohol.
"And you'd be branded a traitor by your own people."
"Yep...."
"It's a fucked up situation." she said in a low voice.
"It is..."
He sighed and stared at his empty glass, then over at the shattered glass on the floor. He looked back up to her as she towered over him still. "Where do we go from here? This isn't going to work, is it? I mean....I want to be with you but that doesn't mean I can."
Shalee stared at him, suddenly feeling if she couldn't breathe.
"Just kill me now..." He said in a very low voice as he withdrew an old Matari gun from his back holster and extended it to her. "Here....be done with it. I've killed more of your people than I care to count."
Simmering with anger, she stepped closer and took the gun from his hands. Did he think she would not do it? Could not? She curled her fingers around the hilt as her expression turned to misery. Her eyes watered and her hands trembled. Desperation hung on the air, heavy and thick. Emotions churned in her stomach. Hatered, pride, love, rage, duty.
"I don't want to continue...not like this." He lifted his gaze to her.
"And if I kill you I would save so many....one life sacrificed for how many I could save?
"Eran nodded slowly, "Exactly..." He took a deep breath and exhaled, closing his eyes as he prepared himself, "In sha' Allah," he whispered.
Hot angry tears dripped down her cheeks. "This isn't fair." She wrapped both of her hands around the hilt as she took a step back....and raised the gun slightly as if taking aim.
"Life isn't fair..."
She closed her eyes as her finger curled around the trigger. Seconds ticked away as a thousand thoughts ran through her mind.
"Do it..." He pleaded.
She blinked open her eyes and stepped closer, jutting the gun barrel against his chin. "I hate you."
He opened his eyes, as if to look at her one last time. His face softened and he seemed to relax. "I know."
"I hate you so much." She suddenly jerked the gun away and threw it across the floor. Dropping to her knees in front of him, she gasped a strangled little sound as tears blurred everything. "I could have killed you!" She sobbed, "I should have. This isn't fair."
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled in her close. "Oh Shalee, I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. This isn't fair to either of us." He rubbed her back gently holding her close, "Someday..."
"Don't." A muffled plea against the side of his neck. Tears dripped down her cheeks. "Don't make promises you wont keep." She sniffled, "And don't lie. I can't bear it."
"I just hope that someday this will be in the past, and we can move forward. I don't want to be stuck here....pretending....and you hating me." He stroked his fingers along her cheek, "I don't want to betray your trust. I can't....I feel like I already have. You're the biggest obstacle to me continuing on, and I'm afraid of losing you to this damn war." His voice dropped to a soft whisper, "Tell me what I should do. Tell me what you want me to do."
"I will not. Because you know what I will say. You know what I want." She clung to him helplessly.
"I never wanted to be in the war. I always felt like I had no choice, but the people needed my help." He brushed his lips against her forehead, "I don't want to betray anyone. Not you, nor my people who depend on me ...my family...friends...."
"No matter what you do you'll be betraying someone, Eran."
He burried his face in her hair, "I don't want to have to harm you... but I can't continue like this. You're the only thing I care for anymore."
Her mouth suddenly closed over his, smothering whatever else he intended to say. He might have had victory on the battlefield but this victory belonged to her.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)