The fight for Lantorn continues, a daily struggle to keep the beachhead open into Hemitar. It's an exhausting endeavor, and with two corporations pulling away from the militia, the overall spirit of those left behind has taken a hit. However, there are rumors that Masanganar's boys will be joining the fight soon so that should boost morale a bit.
Personally it doesn't affect me all that much. I rarely fly with the militia, I think I've tried it once and was completely overwhelmed. It was much too chaotic, an impossible situation. Coming into a battle in the middle of it practically guarantees a fail. Orders were pretty much 'warp to X location and die.' Roger that.
Since then I've preferred the smaller groups with Praetorian fleet commanders. I like flying under Condor, Laerise, and Mitara especially. They are very capable and have extreme patience with my lack of experience. And of course I adore flying with Zenton and Omnicide, they have taught me a lot and have my gratitude.
Last night we didn't go out much, mostly because we focused on moving some things down from Amarr to Lantorn. Zenton did most of the work really, he has restocked the corporate hangar for us ensigns. I managed to get TES Thursday moved down without much mishap. We did a quick escort patrol with Laerise, but nothing much came of it, the skies were eerily quiet, much to my dismay.
As usual, we stopped off at Paradise for a nightcap. It was a quiet night there too, had a drink with Zenton and Garst. Garst was in a better mood, thank God. Mitara came in at some point, though she was awfully quiet. We met some girl, Hitome I think her name was. I recalled overhearing her name the other night when Kor and Aldrith were going at it. I mentioned that her name was familiar and began to question her about Kor. She pretty much told me that Kor had threatened her, I asked why and she said he attempted to seduce her and she turned him down. Something to that affect anyhow. It didn't really make much sense to me, I don't feel like Kor is the type to kill someone just because they wont go to bed with him. She seemed a bit silly and dramatic, but I don't really know. I shouldn't be so judgemental over someone I've met once. She told me that there was a rumor that I was sleeping with him, I told her that was absurd, that he and I were just friends and that he had been nothing but kind and respectful to me. She said thats how he starts his seductions. I just laughed it off.
I think it's ridiculous how rumors get started, and based off of absolutely nothing.
Kor did contact me last night, over the comms. He apologized for what happened in Paradise and I told him not to worry about it, that it didn't really involve me. I asked him why he left PIE and he really didn't say. It was a short conversation and I really didn't find anything out.Maybe tonight I'll have better luck. I really want to know why. I can't help but feel it was all my fault somehow. I just don't understand why he is with Ghost Festival now. I asked him last night if he left to be a pirate, he said no. So if that isn't the reason, then what? Maybe it is to be with Melicia. I wonder what that must be like, to give up everything for love.
Speaking of love. Zenton told me he loves me. I told him he couldn't because he doesn't even know me, not truely. He is in love with an idea, of the person he thinks I am, who he wants me to be. He tried to protest.. I knew he would. He is so pure and good, he couldn't even fathom the idea of me being anything but what he thinks I am.
The way he looked at me, I just couldn't take it. I came to into the Praetorian determined to reveal nothing, to just be another pilot, to lose myself in the ranks, just another drone for the warfront. I never meant for this to happen.
He wasn't supposed to love me.
He deserves better. He deserves someone who is like him.
And I told him so, despite what could have happened. I told him the truth..well, some of it. I told him... I don't believe in God. I just can't...I can't be another mindless zealot who uses the authority of a higher power to control others. I wont. I wont be like my Father. I wont...