I've been a Praetorian less than a month and yet, I can barely remember what it feels like to be anything else. Perhaps it is selective memory, perhaps I just don't wish to remember the past...
She sighs softly.
Within the month, I've experienced much, visited many places and have gotten myself into a bit of a rough spot with my commanders...though no fault of my own.
I hardly think I can be blamed for being born with an inquisitive nature.
It happened like this. I was at Paradise, chatting with G. Tyrell and Arkanas when I saw Korokresh sitting at a table, looking distracted and playing with something. When I approached him about it, he quickly put it away. I questioned him about it, he wouldn't tell me. I insisted and finally he gave in, saying he would show me provided that I followed him home. I really didn't want to leave, I was having a good time with Tyrell, but I just couldn't help myself. I had to know. So I left with him. We arrived at his penthouse some time later, he took me into his living room and showed me an insignia. I didn't recognize it so I questioned him about it and found out it was an insignia from the Angel Cartel. I wasn't even familiar with it really, he explained that it was an organized pirate group, and that the insignia was his.
I left pretty much immediately, not because of that, though perhaps it should have been. Instead, I left because of wounded feelings. Kor said something amiss about Ni Kunni being unattractive. How could I not take offense to that?
Anyhow. Back at the club, Tyrell starts to question me. I guess he thought Kor was going to behave inappropriately towards me. Little did he know that Kor finds me distateful. Ironic, no? So then, Tyrell asks me what did happen. I told him I couldn't tell him. A little back and forth, and then Tyrell pulls rank, demanding I tell him...and so I did. Tyrell told me to stay away from Kor. Easy enough.
The next day or so, I saw Commander Laerise at Paradise and proceeded to ask her about the Angel Cartel. I thought I was being inconspicuous about the whole thing but obviously not. Later on, Commander Newell had a word with me about it, informing me that I was to have no association with any Angel Cartel, that my career in the Prateoria could be affected by it, or worse.
I told her of course, that I wouldn't associate with any of them, because really, I don't know if Kor is one of them or not, or if he just had the insignia. Anyhow, I thought the matter dropped until today when I was pulled aside by several commanders and questioned extensively about it. It was nervewracking. They wanted to know everything, every little detail, word for word, what was said, what I had seen, etc.
I told them what I knew. I had little choice really. Koronakesh shouldn't have told me. I just didn't know what to do, I mean, what else could I do in that situation, with the brass breathing down my neck about it?
And I told Koron that, the next night. I saw him at Paradise and tried to speak to him about it, but he had little to say. He seemed annoyed with me, as if it were somehow my fault for being so inquisitive.
So, that is that. I don't know what will happen now, if they will question or investigate him...or worse. Or perhaps they aren't finished with me, though I certainly hope so.
What makes it all the worse, I have just wanted to impress my superiors but I seem to be failing horribly at that. I've lost an extraordinary amount of ships already and have died several times, though fortunately none today.
However, after the inquisition today, I'd probably prefer getting podded. At least it would have been quicker.
It was really disappointing. I had volunteered to move some ships for Commander Laerise. She first fleeted me, then immediately dropped me and informed me that they needed a word. So, that was that.
Anyhow, I need to stop obsessing over it.
There have been some really good moments to write about as well. Like the trip with Dante Chance to see the City of God. There wasn't much left, just ruins, but it was intriguing. I think it very nice of him to take me there just because I was curious. I also have been inside of a wormhole, it was a long travel just to see it, but well worth it. Kor took me there, it was a planet 1 AU from the sun, with a single moon in a solar system of 9 other planets. Some say it could be Terra, but no one really knows, yet, anyhow. And there was the trip to see the Eve gate. Garst, Zenton, and Garst's friend journeyed there one night. I've also explored Inis with Zenton. There are just so many interesting places I want to see.
As for the war front. I really fear that I'm never going to be a great pilot. God knows I try my best, but it's just overwhelming. The killboards are littered with my loses. It is an embarassment really, for myself and for PIE. Sometimes I think perhaps they would like to use this Korankresh incident to get rid of me though maybe that is just me being paranoid. It's just really hard to figure it all out. The Academy was a joke compared to what really happens out on the frontlines. I often feel out of my element. I try to follow orders, but often times I find myself not understanding the orders in the first place and then suddenly it is too late. I am a ship down or worse, podded. Dying...there's just no words to describe it really. Three times now it has happened. When I first joined the Praetoria, Dante offered to train me personally but I rarely see him. I've flown with him maybe three times. The other times I've been out there, I've just tried to stay out of the way. Not the best way to be really and certainly not a way to make a good impression. Ah well, I plan to keep at it and hopefully gain the skills and confidence to not embarass myself so horribly.
I have yet to meet my CEO, though I've heard good things about him...well, mostly. They say he is a good man though not the coddling kind. Seems rather imposing really. I certainly plan on staying out of his way if I can help it.
Outside of the Paradise, the other place I've spent a fair amount of time at is the Amarrian Basilica. Aldrith had invited Zenton and I there one night. It is a lovely place, very serene. I go there sometimes to pray or meditate. I have met a few people there as well, including Eliza who flies under the call sign Dame Death. Apparently she is a controversial figure, many do not like her at all, including Garst. I find her quite remorseful for what she has done but then again it could all be a ruse. I don't really know her, only what she wants me to see. We have spoken several times, everytime I go there she is there, praying usually. I've tried to befriend her because I know how it feels to be an outsider. Today I told her of some threats I overheard over the intel channel. Some are keen to bring her down, regardless of their commander's orders. I feel like she is going to bring a lot of chaos to the Amarrian militia. So I pray that she is sincere.
She yawns, feeling the overwhelmed with the need to sleep.
There is much more to record, I want to document it all, the places I've seen and the people I've met. Theres just so much I don't want to forget...